"THE PRINCE OF PILSEN"
A
MUSICAL COMEDY IN TWO ACTS
Book and Lyrics by
FRANK PIXLEY.
MUSIC BY GUSTAV LUDERS.
Copyright 1902 by Frank Pixley.
(All rights reserved)
CAST OF CHARACTERS.
HANS WAGNER, A Cincinnati Brewer, travelling abroad.
CARL OTTO, the Prince of Pilsen, a student at Heidelberg.
ARTHUR ST. JOHN WILBERFORCE, Earl of Somerset, a tourist.
LIEUT. THOMAS WAGNER, of the U.S. Cruiser "Annapolis", Hans Wagner's son.
FRANCOIS, concierge of the Internation Hotel at Nice.
JIMMY, a bell boy.
MRS. MADISON CROCKER, a widow from New York.
EDITH ADAMS, a Vassar Student, travelling abroad.
NELLIE WAGNER, Hans Wagner's daughter.
SIDONIE, Mrs. Crocker's French Maid.
ACT I: The gardens of the International Hotel at Nice - Afternoon.
ACT II: Courtyard of the International Hotel; the next morning.
TIME: The present.
-:-ACT I-:-
SCENE: Gardens of the International Hotel at Nice.
The exterior of the hotel with broad veranda
is shown L. Arbors, flowerbeds, trees,
walks, benches, and statuary R. Rear drop
shows a view of the harbor of Nice with the
Casino, etc. Curtain discloses the concierge,
FRANCOIS, and a chorus of Waiters.
They come down stage and sing:
OPENING CHORUS - "The Modern Pirate".
In days of old
The pirate bold
Ran up a flag of black
And sailed away
In search of prey
That came across his track.
We're up to date
And watch and wait
Beneath a flag of white. (Bus. napkins)
It's wrong to rob
But that's our job
And custom makes it right.
Refrain.
Hip, hip, hurroo
For the pirate crew
Of a summer-resort hotel!
You'll have to pay
If you want to stay:
If you're wise you'll "tip" us well!
If you've money to burn
We call the turn
For we know just what to do!
We feel our worth
And we want the earth!
We're rollicking pirate crew.
When we find a man who declines to pay
There's a little game which we always play -
Starving him to death, in a genteel way.
Somewhat frappe,
Will win the day!
We've a dozen schemes to relax his grip -
It's tip, tip, tip or it's skip, skip, skip -
With an icy glare we freeze him,
Displease him,
And tease him:
But we never miss a chance to squeeze him -
We're out for the cash!
Francois
(solo)
Our pirate crew
Is tried and true!
We know what to do!
(Chorus repeats first half of refrain)
(Steamer whistle off stage. Bus.)
Francois
( Recitative)
The boat! More guests! Look out for tips!
Take care, my boys, you make no slips!
(Enter R.U.E. Cook's Courier with FEMALE CHORUS - VASSAR
GIRLS - in travelling costumes with valises, etc. Later,
EDITH ADAMS)
Chorus
We've had a stormy trip!
We're glad to leave the ship,
So glad indeed we cannot keep from dancing!
Of course we want to see
As quickly as may be
The lions that make social life entrancing!
Soon we'll know the rare delights
When a stranger sees the sights
For we intend to well explore
All that this life means at the shore.
Edith
(Solo)
We know it's wrong for girls to flirt
Except with those in love expert
And yet, upon the sly,
It's nice, I won't deny.
At home we're good as we can be
But here we mean the sights to see
The prospect seems enchanting
For still we're fancy free!
Chorus
We know it's wrong for girls to flirt
Except with those in love expert
And yet, upon the sly,
It's nice, we won't deny!
At home we're good as we can be
To tell the truth, we have to be
But here, with hearts quite fancy free,
The sights we'll see!
A chance like this
For wholesale bliss
No girl, of course, should miss!
A chance like this
For wholesale bliss
We would not miss;
No, no! we would not miss!
(At conclusion of chorus FRANCOIS, excessively polite,
bows repeatedly, addressing one after another of the
guests)
Francois
(Bowing)
I have ze honor!
(Bowing)
Ladies, your servant!
Cook's Courier
(Addressing Francois
How about the rooms I telegraphed for?
Francois
(Rustling about, directing waiters to assist the newcomers
with their wraps and hand luggage)
Ze reservation haf been made as monsieur haf direct - Parfait!
Cook's Courier
That's good.
(Going L.)
This way, ladies.
Francois
Monsieur is ver' fortunate. Ze flower fete tomorrow - grand.
Magnifique! Ze cittee shall be crowded - oui! Zis hotel
especial! Mon Dieu, efferybody want room!
(Exeunt Courier and Vassar girls into hotel L. Edith and
one girl remain)
Edith
(Addressing Francois)
Is the "Annapolis" here?
Francois
(As if not comprehending the question at first)
Pardon! Ze "Annapolees"? Oh, oui, oui! ze Americaine ship!
She come last night in ze harbor.
Edith
(Turns to Vassar girl effusively)
Oh, we'll have just a glorious time!
Vassar Girl
Do you know somebody on board?
Edith
Do I? Why that's Tom Wagner's ship! He wrote me at Paris
that he would be here. Desperate flirt; but he dances
divinely. Last summer at Newport, Oh --
(Clasping her hands ecstatically)
I'll never forget it!
Vassar Girl
No monolopoly now! Remember we're on the commonwealth plan!
Edith
Oh, you needn't worry. There'll be enough brass buttons to
go around!
(Vassar girls slowly enter L., having laid aside wraps)
Francois
Pardon! Will ze Americaine ladies remain long in Nice?
Edith
Only a few days. We are of a party of college friends "doing"
the Riviera.
(Enter from hotel L., JIMMY, a bell boy, greatly excited
and out of breath)
(Excitement. Business. All crowd about Jimmy)
Francois
Well, well! Quick! What is it?
Jimmy
(Gasping)
Courier! Just arrived! The prince is coming!
Francois
(Excited)
Mon Dieu! Mon Dieu!
Jimmy
The Prince of Pilsen - right away! He's coming here in cognac!
Jimmy
May be here any minute!
(Vassar girls scurry about in excitement)
Francois
(Dancing about)
My friends, you hear! Ze gr-rand Prince of Pilsen! He shall
honor us today. We must prepare!
(Rushes about excitedly)
Edith
(To Vassar girls)
I must change my dress.
(To a Waiter)
Send my trunk up right away!
(Exit hurriedly into hotel)
Francois
(To Jimmy)
Incognito? Impossible! Zere is no money in a prince if ze
people know not he is here! Ma foi! Zey must know - tell
efferybody, in ze hotel, ze grounds, ze streets, efferywhere!
(Jimmy runs off)
Ah, ha! Incognito! Ve shall see!
First Vassar Girl
Oh, girls! Just think! A real prince!
Francois
Alphonse!
(To a Waiter)
A brass band! Quick! To ze depot - to escort ze prince to
ze hotel! Not ze shortest way - ze longest. Make ze loud
musique all ze time; so shall ze people know!
(Exit Alphonse)
Second Vassar Girl
(To another girl)
Have you got some blue ribbon?
Third Vassar Girl
In my trunk! How do I look?
Francois
Gaston!
(To a Waiter)
Ze rose! Ze lily! Flowers - for ze prince! Prett-ee girls-
to throw ze bouquet! Quick!
(Exit Gaston)
(Everybody runs about excitedly)
(Enter R., ARTIE. He is caught in the swirl of excitement
and pushed about unceremoniously.)
Aha! Incoginito! Ve shall see!
Artie
I say! What's the row? Don't bob about like that! Stand
still, cawn't you?
Francois
Pardon, Monsieur! Ze prince - ze grand Prince of Pilsen! He
shall honor us today!
Artie
Is that it? Bless me, if I didn't think somebody had bolted
and forgot to tip you.
(Turns and notices Vassar girls)
By Jove! A regular bouquet of American beauties!
(Steps forward and lifts hat)
How de do, girls!
(Snaps kodak)
Don't mind me - nobody does. Thanks!
(Francois bustles off L.)
Allow me - Arthur St. John Wilberforce, Earl of Somerset, Dunmeath
and Roscommon! At your service. You may call me Artie.
How do you like Nice?
Artie
Right you are - charming; but slow - deuced slow. We'll have
to liven things up a bit. If you want to see the wheels go
round stick to Artie.
(He sings march song solo with refrain by Vassar Girls)
"ARTIE"
I.
Artie
Society, you know, is most exclusive!
Artie
We're much inclined to frown
Chorus
They're much inclined to frown
Artie
On stangers who appear at all obtrusive.
Artie
Although it may seem silly
From Stand to Picadilly
My name insures a welcome warm and hearty.
Artie
If you would win renown
And own the blooming town
Just tell them that you know a certain party.
Refrain
Artie! Artie! That is all the cry!
Everything I do is proper - quite!
Wherever I may go or stay
You can hear the ladies say:
"Introduce me - he's all right."
Chorus
"Hurrah for Artie!"
Artie
Artie! Artie! Happy as a lark!
Everybody makes the same remark:
"Isn't he a daisy?
Artie sets 'em crazy!
All the girls are dead in love with Artie!"
II.
Chorus
When e'er he takes a walk
Artie
Along the streets I make a great sensation
Artie
My dress is always equal to my station
Artie
In ardent admiration
They stop all conversation -
Of course I know exactly what's the matter.
Artie
My clothing is so loud
It silences the crowd
But when I'm gone you ought to hear them chatter.
Refrain.
First Vassar Girl
(At conclusion of song)
Oh, do tell me. Do you know the Prince of Pilsen who is coming here?
Artie
Ya-as - in a way. Not personally, you know, but mutual friends
and all that sort of thing. Delighted to present you. I
daresay he knows me - everybody does.
Vassar Girls
Won't that be nice!
(Hand clapping and mild applause heard off stage L.U.E.)
Artie
(Looking off)
The American widow again! Egad, that woman always wins.
Artie
A butterfly, to look at - a wasp to handle - a will-o'-the-wisp
to follow.
(Cheers and laughter off stage. Enter C., MRS. CROCKER,
her maid SIDONIE and several summer girls, in golf costumes.
Mrs. C. carries a golf stick, which she hands to
Sidonie, together with her wraps. Sidonie exits R. with
them.)
(Mrs. Crocker comes down stage)
Mrs. Crocker
(To one of the girls accompanying her)
Oh, it was glorious!
Mrs. Crocker
(Recognising him)
Hello, Artie!
Artie
Same old story - I congratulate you!
Mrs. Crocker
Thank you; but I don't deserve it. I was lucky, that's all.
Artie
I believe you were born lucky.
Mrs. Crocker
Every American is born lucky. You should appreciate that, I'm
sure.
(Artie lapses into a brown study, trying to think it over.
To one of the Vassar Girls.)
Is this your first visit to Nice?
(Vassar Girls nod affirmatively)
You'll fall in love with it. It's a charming spot and there
are few experiences in life more delightful than a season at
the shore.
(Mrs. Crocker sings "A Season at the Shore" with chorus
of Vassar Girls. Artie dances with Mrs. Crocker.)
A SEASON AT THE SHORE.
I.
In the sultry days of Summer, when the sun is blazing hot,
And life itself becomes a fearful bore,
Just leave your cares behind you, if you can as well as not,
And make a flying visit to the shore.
Pick out a Summer Eden where the ocean breezes blow
And Pleasure is the order of the day.
Resign yourself to folly and fun where e'er you go
Your troubles will all quickly fly away.
Refrain.
Oh, the foxy summer girl
When she sets your head awhirl
Is a most expensive pearl
And I'd have you understand
She's a creature to adore
When you meet her at the shore,
But she'll cost you more and more
If you try to win her hand.
II.
If you'd learn the wiles of cupid, try a visit to the shore
And make a note of everything you see!
Observe the girl who says that she's "never loved before
And never drinks a thing excepting tea."
Don't try to educate her if your bank account is low
You'll find that she's a rather costly plum
She'll be engaged a dozen times, within a week or so
And "fairly dote" on Pommery and Mumm!
Refrain.
(Chorus repeats refrain and dances off leaving Mrs. Crocker
and Artie. Artie dances with Mrs. Crocker.)
Artie
I say, Mrs. Crocker, I've got something on my mind.
Mrs. Crocker
Dear me! How extremely uncomfortable you must be!
Artie
I love you - madly - and all that sort of thing, you know.
Mrs. Crocker
Well, you can get that off your mind without much trouble.
Artie
Of course - I know I am not worthy of you - and all such rubbish
as that - yo - you are the only woman I ever loved and - .
Mrs. Crocker
(Interrupting)
Now, here, Artie! I like you - I really do - but don't be
silly. You talk about love - you don't know what it means.
There is no more warmth in you than there is in a cold potato.
Artie
Oh, I say, don't you know, if devotion ---
Mrs. Crocker
That isn't enough. A poodle may be devoted; but no woman -
no American woman - wants one always at her heels. She wants
a man - a real, live, flesh-and-blood, manly man.
Artie
Quite so! Quite so! That's where I come in.
Mrs. Crocker
That's where you go out, Artie. Heroism - chivalry - romance -
sentiment.
Mrs. Crocker
Yes - moonshine. Let me tell you the sort of thing which wins
a woman. A few weeks ago at Heidelberg I rode out one morning.
My horse stumbled. I went over his head. Two days later I
awoke in a stange hotel. They told me that a party of students,
returning from a duel, found me lying in the road and
one of them, a strong manly young fellow, picked me up in his
arms and carried me like a baby to the nearest hotel. As soon
as I was able I wrote to thank you unknown hero. He sent me
a single rose and a note saying that he was in disgrace in the
university prison for some boyish prank. I left without seeing
my prince.
(Sighs deeply.)
Mrs. Crocker
(Nodding her head)
The Prince of Pilsen.
Mrs. Crocker
What's the matter?
Artie
Nothing.
(Aside)
I haven't any time to lose.
(Aloud)
Mrs. Crocker I - I'm in earnest about this thing, don't you
know, and I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll toss a coin with
you.
Mrs. Crocker
(Laughing)
Ah! that wouldn't be sportsmanlike. I'd lose, either way!
Artie
I say, you might give me one ---
(Attempts to kiss her)
Mrs. Crocker
(Dramatically)
Stop!
Artie
(Hastily bringing his Kodak into play)
By Jove! Don't move!
(Snaps camera)
Thanks! I say, you don't think any the less of me, do you?
Mrs. Crocker
Of course not. How could I? But I hope you appreciate a
good, clear negative. If I were you I wouldn't develop this
one.
(Exit L. into hotel. Cheers and music of brass band in
distance off stage R. Enter FRANCOIS L. excitedly.
Afterward general ensemble of Vassar girls, summer girls,
waiters, flower girls, etc)
Francois
Aha! Ze Prince!
(To Artie)
You hear! Ze great Prince of Pilsen! He is coming? Ma
foi, he is here!
Artie
Oh, blow the prince!
Francois
(Rustling about, excitedly, arranging his forces for the
reception)
We give him ze grand welcome. You shall see!
Artie
It may pay me to get chummy with him!
(Business. Music grows louder, cheers nearer.
Excitement. Everybody on the qui vive. One Vassar Girl
climbs up a chair to get a better view)
GENERAL ENSEMBLE NUMBER.
We'll have a gala day!
Fate sends a prince this way!
Each voice we'll raise
To sing the praise
Of such a noble guest!
With loud acclaim
We hail his name
The brightest and the best!
This day we long will celebrate
For such a chance is rare!
Love for the prince
Let us evince!
Welcome! Thrice welcome, O stranger fair!
(Entrance of HANS and NELLIE)
Francois
To your Highness now
We humbly bow
Great son of a foreign land!
May your Highness please,
On bended knees
We wait for your command!
(Francois kneels)
Hans
Though I do not understand
All the customs of this land
What has caused all this loud uproar?
Will you tell me what's the matter?
Such a rumpus and a clatter
I have never heard before!
Chorus
Though he can't tell what's the matter
Such a rumpus and a clatter
He has never heard before!
Edith
The fame of your name before you
Adds glory where'er you go.
You know that we simply adore you
Permit us our love to show!
(Chorus repeats)
Hans
Will you kindly let me state
That I quite appreciate
Both this meeting
And your greetng
For I think they're simply great!
Though this may be all a "bluff"
Still I'll call it, quick enough!
In a minute
Count me in it,
For you'll find me "up to snuff!"
(Chorus repeats)
(During the singing enter HANS WAGNER and NELLIE. Hans
carries a grip in each hand and appears confused. Nellie,
evidently frightened, clings tightly to his arm.
There are loose flowers on Hans' hat, which have been
showered upon him. Four flower girls with baskets of flowers
strew roses before him. At conclusion of reception two
Waiters nearest him seize his grips and try to take them
from him. He fights to retain them. Business)
Francois
(Bowing low)
Welcome, your Highness. Welcome to Nice. We haf ze honor!
(Four flower girls advance and offer large bouquets. In
order to take them Hans puts his grips on the stage between
his feet and stands guard over them. His arms are filled
with flowers. Business. He is dumbfounded)
Hans Wagner
Wot's de matter mit you? You make me tired!
Francois
Pardon!
(Bows low. To ensemble)
My friends you hear. Zere Highness are fatigued. Zey would
be alone. Ma foi, you will kindly withdraw till anozzer time.
(To Hans)
It shall be so. We go.
(Business of dispersing the crowd)
Artie
Three cheers for the Prince of Pilsen.
(Ensemble cheers and exits, backing off stage, bowing,
etc., leaving Hans, Nellie, Francois and Artie, the latter
falling behind and remaining on stage L.U.E.)
Francois
(Bowing)
Pardon! If your Highness will do me ze gr-reat favor of one
minute I will conduct to ze apartments.
(Exit L., backwards)
Artie
(Regarding Hans)
Rummy sort of old chap!
Nellie
(Apprehensively)
Father, what does it mean?
Hans
It means, my dear, dot you Fader is a great man. I haf known
it all de while.
Nellie
There is some terrible mistake here. I'm frightened.
Hans
Mistake? Not at all. Not at all mistake. You hear vot
dey say? "De Prince of Pilsen". De Cincinnati beer is de
finest in de vorld. Dey all know my Pilsener.
Nellie
But, Father, you are not a prince.
Hans
Warum nicht? My daughter, don't explode your ignorance!
Remember dis is elsewhere. In Cincinnati I am an alderman
nicht wahr? Ofer here no man is alderman; efery man mit
nodings to do is a prince.
Nellie
Well, just the same, I would feel a great deal easier if Tom
were only here. I wish we had written him to meet us.
Hans
Dot would haf spoiled de surprise. Don't worry about your
bruder.
Artie
(Approaches Hans and greets him effusively)
Ah, Prince, charmed, delighted to meet you! Heard of you
often, and all that sort of thing, you know.
(Bus. of shaking head)
Hans
(To Nellie)
You see? He knows it? Vere you effer in Cincinnati?
Artie
(Shakes his head)
Doubtless you've heard of me - Somerset.
Hans
Somerset? In de circus pizness?
Artie
What! Lord Somerset in the circus business?
Hans
Lord? You vas a Lord? My, vot a big title for a leetle
fellow!
(To Nellie)
Now you see it! Ofer here nobody is a plain man. Even de
vaste material is labeled.
Artie
I may, if you don't mind, I'd like you to meet my friends. I
know everybody here!
Hans
I don't care! I don't care. We can't afford to be exclusive.
(Enter L. FRANCOIS very obsequiously)
Francois
I haf ze grand regret, Your Highness, but ze hotel is so crowded,
so ver', ver' crowded - by ze flower fete zere is but one
apartment. It haf twelve rooms - large - magnifique view ---
Hans
(Astounded)
Twelve rooms!
Francois
Oui, your Highness - but grand - ver' grand!
Hans
Vot's it going to cost?
Francois
Pardon, your Highness, zere is no charge - nothing. Ze whole
hotel is yours, if ve haf known ze great honor of your coming.
Hans
It cost me nodings?
(Francois bows very low)
(Business)
Vell, den, twelve vill do.
(Indicating that he will conduct them L. Francois
attempts to take Hans' grips, gets one but Hans holds on to
the other. Artie immediately tries to take the latter
from him.)
(Catching hold of grip)
(They exeunt L. into hotel. Francois backing off, Nellie
next, then Hans and Artie, each with one hand on Hans'
grip. Enter R. ENSIGN TOM WAGNER and JIMMY, conversing.
Former carries a bouquet of violets)
Tom
(To Jimmy)
Here! Take these to Miss Adams - understand!
(Hands violets)
Miss Edith Adams - and tell her a gentleman would like to see
her. No name - she'll understand. I'll wait here.
(Hands a coin)
Jimmy
(Looks at coin hesitatingly)
You don't want to see her very much, do you?
(Significantly, not a question)
Tom
(Hands a second coin)
Well, here then ---
(Exit L. hustling)
Tom
I can't understand why Father and Nellie stay so long at
Lucerne. If they are coming here to meet me at all why don't
they come now, for the flower fete? I have writen them and
telegraphed them but they don't pay any attention to what I say.
The town seems to be full of Americans - I wish they were here.
Heigho, I suppose it can't be helped.
(Walks up and down)
I don't really think I'll be lonesome, unless Edie has changed
meterially since last summer. What a week that was at Newport!
(Enter EDITH ADAMS, L. They greet each other effusively)
Edith
Tom! How glad I am to see you!
(Advances with hand extended)
(Catches her hand, pulls her toward him, tries to kiss her,
she draws back and he kisses her hand)
Edith
Why, Tom! I suppose I ought to be angry with you.
Tom
But you're not. Naval regulations compel me always to salute
a superior.
Edith
Thank you. But is it customary to give a salute before
beginning an engagement?
Tom
That depends. Sometimes the opposing force surrenders without
an engagment.
Edith
Indeed! If you are so well versed in tactics I hope you don't
find it necessary to drill every day. But I haven't thanked
you for your beautiful flowers.
Tom
Don't try. Do you know what the violet says? "I love you;
and my heart's true blue."
Edith
Ah, Tom, I've a thousand things to tell you.
Tom
I have only one and the violets have already said it for me.
(Tom sings)
WHEN YOU ARE MINE
I.
I love you, my own!
What more can I say?
My life I would lay at your feet!
One fond caress,
One whispered "yes"
Would make my world complete.
My dreams will come true
When my arms hold you -
Your heart beating close to mine!
Let Fate have its fling!
I'll envy no king
For my soul glows with passion divine!
Love will make me a king
When you are mine!
When you, at last, are mine!
II.
I love you, my own!
What more can I say?
With passion my soul is aflame!
My heart is true!
My love for you
No words of mine can frame!
Some day you will say:
"I am yours - always!"
Each throb of your heart echoes mine!
My life I'll complete
When I lay at you feet
All the wealth of my love divine
My life I'll complete,
Earth and Heaven will meet
When you are mine!
When you, at last, are mine!
(At conclusion of song Tom extends his hand toward Edith
pleadingly)
Edith
(Coquettishly)
That's a very good song. I suppose all the girls like it,
don't they?
(Laughs and runs off R.)
(Tom runs off R. after Edith. Enter L. HANS and ARTIE)
Hans
You live here Mr. Somersault!
Artie
Somerset - Lord Somerset.
Hans
Oh, "Set" - not a flip-flop! My family name is Wagner.
Artie
Which bunch of the family - music or sleepers?
Hans
I must be music. I'm in politics and dere's no sleepers in
dot game. Vot's your business?
Artie
(Astonished)
You mean trade! I am a gentleman.
Hans
Is it possible? Do you work at your trade much?
Artie
(Indignant)
In my country, don't you know, no gentleman can associate with
tradespeople.
Hans
Dot's queer! In my country de tradespeople aren't so
particular.
Hans
(Nodding his head)
Yes sir - von man is just as good as anoder - sometimes better.
(Notices that Artie's trousers are turned up at the bottom)
Oxcuse me, but your breeches is caught up!
Artie
(Not understanding)
Eh? How's that?
(Hans stoops and turns them down. Artie speechless)
(Enter L. MRS. CROCKER and JIMMY. Jimmy points toward
Hans and Mrs. Crocker advances)
Hans
(Straightening up. To Artie)
You call pull 'em up mit de suspenders.
(Bus.)
Mrs. Crocker
(Extending both hands toward Hans)
Ah, Prince! I'm sure we need no introduction.
(She grasps Hans' hands enthusiastically)
Hans
(Surpised)
Happy Noo Year!
Mrs. Crocker
I am glad to have an opportunity to thank you personally for
all you have done for me.
(Releases his hands)
Hans
Mention it not. Vot's de name?
(Artie exhibits jealousy)
Mrs. Crocker
(Surprised)
Why, surely you haven't forgotten me - Mrs. Crocker! Don't
you remember that awful day at Hiedelberg when you took me in
your arms and -.
Hans
(Suddenly to Artie)
Don't you go vay!
(To Mrs. Crocker)
Awful day? In my arms?
Mrs. Crocker
Don't you recollect my fall?
Hans
I was not responsible.
Mrs. Crocker
The accident - my horse.
Hans
I'm forgetting a great many things I neffer knew.
Mrs. Crocker
Ah, you saved my life!
Hans
(Brightening into a smile)
Yes? Dot's nothing - I vould do it again.
(Beaming)
Artie
(Has been watching the scene uneasily)
I say, Mrs. Crocker, you won't forget our engagement for a
drive this afternoon?
Mrs. Crocker
(Makes a motion of dismissal toward Artie without looking
at him and addresses Hans)
Do you intend to remain here long?
(Artie vexed)
Hans
I vish I could stay here always.
(Looks at Mrs. Crocker admiringly)
I like it better and better effery minute.
Mrs. Crocker
Charming place, isn't it, to spend the heated term?
Hans
"Heated term?" You mean a hot time? Oh, ja!
(Mrs. Crocker accidentally drops a wrap or gloves or
handkerchief. Artie quickly picks it up)
Mrs. Crocker
(Without looking at him)
Thanks.
(To Hans)
I know you will enjoy it here.
Artie
(To Mrs. Crocker)
Remember, you promised me the first waltz tonight.
Mrs. Crocker
(Without answering Artie. Looks down at her feet)
Oh, dear!
(Confused)
Mrs. Crocker
My shoe! It's untied? Will you gentlemen kindly retire a moment till -
( Artie promptly turns his back and retires a few steps up
stage. Hans kneels and ties the shoe. Artie turns in
time to see him do this)
Artie
(Dumbfounded)
My word? The old heathen!
(Hans rises)
Mrs. Crocker
(To Hans)
Oh, thank you! Thank you, ever so much!
(Artie bus.)
Hans
(Looking at Artie as if wishing to get rid of him.
Confidentially)
Is - is Mr. Crocker mit you?
Hans
(Bus. with Artie)
Vere is he spending de heated term?
Mrs. Crocker
Mr. Crocker has been dead several years.
Hans
You needn't answer! So you are a widow?
Mrs. Crocker
(Smiling)
I hope you are not prejudiced against me on that account!
Hans
(Beaming)
De idea! I am a widowless man myself!
Artie
(Comes down)
You know there'll be a band concert at four o' clock.
Mrs. Crocker
(To Hans)
Have you seen the hotel grounds? They are very beautiful.
(Hans offers arm. Bus. Mrs. Crocker and Hans exeunt R.
leaving Artie crushed. Bus.)
Artie
War! Bloody war! That's what this means, by Jove! Now
what's to be done?
(Walks about excitedly.)
If I could only get him to disgrace himself. Suppose I get
him beastly drunk? But you cawn't get a Dutchman drunk, don't
you know. How's got to leave! Egad, that's the idea! He's
got to leave.
(Goes L.)
I don't know how; but I'll find a way.
(Enter R.U.E., on bicycles, the PRINCE of PILSEN and
eight or more HIEIDELBERG STUDENTS in corps uniform. The
Prince is dressed like the other students. They sing:)
HEIDELBERG.
To fun and to folly
No strangers are we!
A student's life is jolly!
A student's life is free!
No maid can resist us!
No sweetheart will flee!
The girls who have kissed us
We'll not forget!
Ready to go where youth and beauty call!
Soldiers of love, no foe can us appall!
Our swords are tried and trusty
Our throats are rarely dusty
At Fate's command we'll take our stand
To fight or fall!
Biff! Bang!
Let them clang!
Swords are made for fighting!
Though our purse is empty quite
Student hearts are just as light!
Clash! Crash!
Cut and slash!
Blow for blow inviting!
Here's to fight!
And here's to student hearts so light!
Oh, Heidelberg!
Dear Heidelberg!
Thy sons will ne'er forget
That golden haze
Of student days
Is round about us yet!
Those days of yore
Will come no more
But through our manly years,
The thought of you,
So good, so true!
Will fill one's eyes with tears.
Biff! Bang!
Let them clang!
Though our purse is empty quite
Student hearts are just as light!
Clash! Crash!
Cut and slash!
Blow for blow inviting!
Here's to fight!
And here's to student hearts so light!
Prince
(Looking about. Strikes table)
Nobody about! This is a very cordial welcome!
(To one of the students)
Fritz!
Student
(Steps forward and salutes)
Your Highness!
Prince
See if you can wake up somebody!
(Salutes and start L. just as FRANCOIS enters L.)
Prince
Ah! At last?
(Student stops and returns)
(To Francois)
What is this - a hotel?
Francois
(Excessively polite)
Oui, monsieur!
Prince
Are you too busy to receive guests?
Francois
Pardon, monsieur! Ze Prince of Pilsen command my service une
moment.
Prince
(Bewilderment)
Wie?
Francois
Oui, Monsieur. Ze grand Prince of Pilsen. He is here!
Prince
You need not tell me that.
Francois
Ze arrangement is complete. I haf satisfy ze Prince; now for
you. I haf ze honor.
Prince
(Astounded)
Prince? What Prince?
Francois
Oui, monsieur - ze Prince of Pilsen.
Student
(Interrupting)
Mein herr, dis is de --
Prince
(Quickly, with a gesture for silence)
Still!
(To Francois)
So the Prince of Pilsen is here?
Francois
Oui, Monsieur - ze Prince and beautiful young daughter -
charmante!
(Students surprised)
Prince
So? I knew not that the Prince of Pilsen had a daughter!
I hope she looks like her father.
(Business with students)
(To Francois)
Rooms! You schafakopf! Why do you keep us waiting!
Francois
(Hurrying L.)
One leetle moment, monsieur!
(Exit L.)
Prince
(To students)
Comrades!
(Students salute by touching their caps, as if awaiting
orders)
Today, for the first time in my life, I am a private citizen.
Verstehen sie? Today I am Herr Niemann. Say nothing.
We must see this imposter who is wearing my name here. I am
burning with impatience to see the charming daughter he has
given me. Let him play his cards till we are ready. Then
piff! Explosion! It will be fun!
(Students complete salute)
Francois
(Entering L.)
Monsieur, I haf ze honor? Ze only rooms are high - ver'
high. High in ze air - in ze price also.
Prince
Can we reach either in a balloon?
Francois
Ze hotel is crowded - ze flower fete - ze Prince -- ze beautiful
American girls ---
Prince
We'll stay!
(Turning to students)
American girls! You hear?
(To Francois)
Do me a favor to present my compliments to the Prince of Pilsen
and ask if he will see Herr Niemann.
Francois
Pardon, but does monsieur know him?
(Bus. with students)
Prince
Always - till today. I am the best friend he has ever had.
(Bus.)
All my life the Prince of Pilsen and I have been inseperable.
(Bus.)
(Bows and exits L.)
(Students burst into laughter. They crowd about the
Prince)
First Student
(With mock gravity)
Herr Niemann, I salute you!
Second Student
Now you know vot it is to be like one of us!
(Slaps the Prince on the back familiarly. Students laugh)
Third Student
I ask permission to pay my addresses to your beautiful daughter.
Students
His daughter! Ha, ha, ha!
Prince
I must decine. You rascal, I know you.
(Students laugh uproariously)
(FRANCOIS enters L. backward, as if ushering in an important
personage)
Still!
(Students become quiet)
Now for the imposter!
(Enter NELLIE. She stops. The Prince stares at her,
speechless. Francois exits L.)
Nellie
Do you wish to see my father?
Prince
(Confused)
Yes - no - I don't know.
(Students bus.)
Nellie
He has just gone out with Mr. Somerset - Lord Somerset.
Prince
Pardon, fraulein, I am Herr Niemann. I wanted to speak with
the Prince of Pilsen.
(Aside)
Himmel! What a daughter he has given me!
Nellie
Who is the Prince of Pilsen?
(Advances. Prince speechless. Students bus.)
Do you know him?
Prince
(After a momentary pause)
No - not at all. I am sure of it!
(Motions students away. They leave, laughing)
Nellie
If this is a joke somebody is carrying it too far.
Prince
Pardon, fraulein. You will excuse my friends. They mean
no discourtesy, believe me. We learn that the prince of
Pilsen is here; we would pay our respects. That is all.
(Bowing politely)
Nellie
(Confused)
I - I ---
(Suddenly)
Oh, dear, I don't understand it at all.
(Starts to leave L.)
Prince
(Hastily)
One minute!
(Nellie stops)
Fraulein will do me the honor to permit me to explain.
(Bowing)
Perhaps there is here a mistake. From your speech you are not
a German.
Nellie
My home is in Cincinatti.
Prince
Ah - America! And your father, the Prince is, ---
Nellie
I don't know anything about that. We just came here from
Lucerne. When we arrived they began calling us the Prince and
Princess of Pilsen. I don't know what it means.
Prince
(Brightening)
Ah! Then your father is not ---
Nellie
He's an American citizen - that's the only title he ever had
till today and the only one he wants.
Prince
(Aside)
They have mistaken him for me!
(Aloud)
Fraulein, be at ease. It is all right. In this country
titles mean nothing - trust me - I know. They are as plentiful
as butterflies - and as worthless. A barber pleases his customers
- he is a baron. A waiter serves you well - he is a count.
A gentleman travels for pleasure - he is a prince. It is the
custom.
(Bows politely)
Nellie
(Reassured)
Oh, indeed! It is quite different at home!
Prince
Yes - I am told that in America every young woman is a princess.
Nellie
(Smiling)
Oh, now you are ---?
Prince
(Interrupting)
Till she is married - then she is a queen.
(Nellie laughs)
If I could speak with your father one moment he would no longer
worry about this Prince of Pilsen.
Nellie
Perhaps we can find him.
(Starting)
Let's try.
(Stops)
Will you come with me?
Prince
May I?
(Aside)
Ach, Gott! I have lost my name. Now I am losing my heart!
(Nellie exits L.U.E. followed closely by the Prince)
(Enter L. ARTIE and JIMMY)
Artie
I say, do you happen to know where the Prince is?
Jimmy
He's in the avenue of Palms with Mrs. Crocker.
Artie
(Starts. Aside)
Still with her!
(Aloud)
Ask him to step here.
Jimmy
Well, you've got nerve! He won't come.
Artie
Tell him it's very important, and all that sort of thing. Here!
(Hands coin to Jimmy)
Jimmy
Thank you. I'll try it.
(Exit Jimmy R.)
Artie
I'll show her what kind of a hero he is. Egad, I'll frighten
him out of his boots! I'll make it so strong he'll have to
get out or become a laughing stock if he stays. Then who'll be
the hero, eh? Who'll win the widow, eh? Artie, my boy,
you're a foxy dog - by Jove, you are, don't you know!
(Enter HANS, R.U.E. He comes down)
Hans
You sent for me - yes?
Artie
(Folding his arms dramatically)
I did! You must leave this place - instantly.
Artie
If you stay here one of us must die!
Hans
Can it be?
(Artie nods his head)
All right! You do it - but don't die in de house. Go
somewhere.
Artie
You have come between me and the only woman I ever loved, don't
you know.
Artie
I give you your choice - get out or thirty paces, and all that
sort of thing.
Artie
(Nodding his head)
We are of equal rank.
Hans
You are as rank as I am? Ten paces is enough!
Artie
(Starts)
Is would be murder. We would both fall at the first shot!
Hans
I thought you meant swords!
Artie
(Impressively)
Pistols!
Hans
Pistols? Dot isn't fair! No sir! Dot isn't fair! I
couldn't hit a flock of barns sitting still!
Artie
Ah! Happy thought! Fate shall choose beween us!
Artie
We fight a duel. One of us is killed. The other is arrested
and locked up in jail - and all that sort of thing. No!
(Draws pistol from his pocket, lays it on the table)
There is a weapon. We'll toss a coin. The one who gets
"heads" shall take the pistol, walk into the grounds --
(Pointing R.)
and end it all.
(Feels in pockets and produces coin.)
Hans
Say! Say! Excuse me, I don't like ---
Artie
(Looks at coin in his hand)
You've lost!
(Repockets coin)
Hans
I've lost it?
(Looks at pistol. Bus.)
By golly! I've lost it? So quick?
(Picks up pistol gingerly)
Is it loaded?
(Bus. Points pistol at Artie who dodges)
Hans
And I go out dere - and -- ?
Artie
Not necessarily, you know. Honor would be satisfied if you
would leave.
Hans
Honor would?
(Shakes his head)
I wouldn't - I'm having too good a time.
(Starts R.)
Artie
(Excitedly)
Say, hold on!
(Hans stops)
Artie
You don't mean -- ? It isn't too late. Put that thing down
and ---
(Exits R.I.E.)
Artie
(Horrified. Bus.)
It didn't work! He couldn't be such a fool! This is murder!
What shall I do?
(Rushes about excitedly. Entering MRS. CROCKER, R.U.E.
She comes down)
I'll stop it!
(Artie starts R. as if to follow Hans. Shot is heard
off stage R. Artie staggers back; bumps into Mrs. Crocker
and falls into her arms. Bus.)
Mrs. Crocker
What's the matter? Are you hurt?
Artie
(Business)
The prince!
Mrs. Crocker
(Business)
Prince? What has happened? What has happened?
(Shakes him)
Artie
(Gasping)
A duel - just now!
Mrs. Crocker
(Releases him)
A duel? With whom?
(Enter HANS, R.)
Mrs. Crocker
(Rushes to Hans anxiously)
Are you wounded?
Mrs. Crocker
What does this mean? What's it all about?
Hans
I don't know it.
(Hands pistol to Artie)
Is it your turn now?
Mrs. Crocker
Have you two quarreled?
Mrs. Crocker
Ridiculous! If you are friends of mine you must be friends
of each other. Come, shake hands.
(They shake hands)
Artie
(Bowing to Mrs. Crocker)
Who could resist you - the most perfect apple on the tree of
life.
(Aside)
Egad, that's good -- that's very good!
Hans
Dot's right. De bride is de apple blossom; de wife is de
green apple; de old maid is a dried apple. But de widow!
Mellowed by time, ripened by experience, sweetened by de
showers of admiration -- de vidow is de perfect fruit vot made
Adam forget Eden!
Mrs. Crocker
(Laughing)
Ah, you flatterer!
Artie
I say, it depends don't you know. All cats are black after
dark, but by Jove, they're not [ILLEGIBLE]
Mrs. Crocker
True! There are widows and widows!
(She sings: "The Widow," Artie and Hans joining in the
refrain)
"The WIDOW"
II.
There's the weepy, creepy widow
Always dressed in black
Whose dear departed husband had no fault.
And you feel, whene'er you gaze
In her tearful face
That her heart is like a cemetary vault.
At the same time one suspects
That she wonders who'll be next.
Although she swears no second mate she'll choose.
If she sighs and dries her eyes
And remarks: "You're just his size!"
Look out! She wants to fill two empty shoes.
REFRAIN
There's the weepy, creepy widow
In the sable garb of woe!
She's a helpless, hopeless creature
As she wants us all to know.
When the life insurance is paid
And "weeds" will speedily fade
She's a dreamy, scheme-y
Peaches and creamy
Do-come-to-see-me widow
A peaches-and-creamy
Do-come-to-see-me widow.
IV.
There's the thrifty, shifty widow
After "Number Two"
In lavendar she's always neatly gowned
And when Cupid holds a sale
Of a poor lone male
She's sure to be the first one on the ground
She discovers the amounts
Of his chattels and accounts
And sizes up the value of the same
If the credit size is large
It's a case of "Forward! Charge!"
He's "it!" She means to wear that fellow's name.
REFRAIN
There's the thrifty, shifty widow
With an eye for revenue
She's a wily, smiley schemer
And she's after "Number Two"
On the trail of a millionaire
She is always loaded for bear
She's an easy, squeezy
Not-at-all-freez-y
Willing-to-pleas-y widow -
A Not-at-all freez-y
Willing-to-pleas-y widow.
(At conclusion of song and dance Artie offers his arm to
Mrs. Crocker but she ignores it, takes Hans' arm and exits
with him R., leaving Artie)
Artie
Stung! And by one of the only women I ever loved! Artie,
back up! Do something!
(After a pause)
Egad! I have it! A fox hunt! It's a tenner against a
tuppenny the Dutchman never rode to hounds. If he goes
along we'll leave him in the first ditch. If he doesn't I'll
have the widow to myself! That's the play! A "meet" tomorrow
morning!
(Exit L.U.F. Enter L. SIDONIE, followed by FRANCOIS
who is making love to her)
Sidonie
Ma foi! Why should I? Tell me zat!
Sidonie
(Tossing her head contemptously)
Huh!
Francois
I haf ze grand passion! My poor heart, when he see you, go
flop flop - ver' quick -- like scared pigeon in caze.
Sidonie
I care not for zat!
Francois
Without you I die!
Sidonie
Better one should die than two should starve. You haf not
money.
Francois
Listen, my Sidonie! For you, ver' soon, I will have plenty
money. For you laces, jewels, pretty gowns - all for you.
Sidonie
(Contemptuously)
Huh! Zey all say ze same. It is not so.
Francois
It is truth, ma cherie! Listen, I will tell you une grande
secret! Keep it dark!
(Looks about cautiously)
Germany would buy plans of ze French forts! I haf zem -
safe here.
(Indicating pocket)
When the time come I give zem - I get much money. Pff! Paris
-- la belle Paris! To ze boulevards! No more work - no
more slave! Plenty money. Rich! Rich, my Sidonie!
Sidonie
(Apprehensively)
Sh!
Francois
Fear not! No one shall know! No one but you and I. Ve
know how to keep a secret!
Sidonie
Every lady's maid, every butler know zat! It is our business --
ze first lesson we learn is: "Keep it dark!"
(They sing: "Keep it dark"; chorus of ladies' maids and
butler enter in time to join in refrain)
KEEP IT DARK.
II.
Sidonie
A lady's maid, as you'll all agree,
Should be the pink of propriety
For she studies the ways of society
Till she knows what not to do.
She's prim and proper and meek and mild
As a babe by the world quite undefiled
Till my lady confides in that "angel child"
Then the trouble begins to brew.
REFRAIN
Oh, life in high society
Is one perpetual lark
For the monkeys on the boulevard
Beat those in Central Park
There are stranger pets in our social sets
Then there were in Noah's ark.
But pet! Don't say I told you!
Keep it dark! Keep it dark!
IV.
Francois
My master says he's a "business man"
But he works on a most peculiar plan
He'll dodge the office whene'er he can
And his life is one giddy whirl!
He plays the races and owns a yacht!
He'll never quit while the game is hot!
And his typewriter now owns a house and lot,
For he's kind to the working girl.
REFRAIN
(Dance and exit)
(At conclusion of song, enter L. HANS and the PRINCE,
conversing)
Hans
By jingo, I like it! I like it! But vy is it efferybody
knows me at once who I am? Vy do they know I vas a prince?
I didn't know it!
Prince
(Bowing low)
Could any one mistake?
Hans
(Swelling up pompously)
You think so? Dere vill be a scattering "Over the Rhine"
ven I go home mit dot title. You see!
(Struts up and down)
Prince
Pardon! Were you born a prince?
Hans
How could I? In America no man is born mitt a title - except in Kentucky.
Prince
May I inquire how long you have been a prince?
Hans
(Takes out watch)
Two hours and thirty-five minutes. Der train vas ten minutes late.
Prince
But what makes you a Prince?
Hans
Der people! You know vote? - in Cincinnati - vow you offer in Cincinnati?
Hans
Ach, you should go deer? In Cincinnati I am alderman. You
know vote is an alderman? A false-alarm statesman - do same like
a prince here. Vell, in Cincinnati deer people make me
alderman; in dis country deer people make me prince. It is so
simple!
Prince
Very - very simple! Do you intend to stay here?
Hans
Sure! By and by I go down to Three Card Monte.
Prince
(Perplexed)
Three Card Monte?
(After a pause)
You mean Monte Carlo
Hans
Vot's de difference?
Prince
And you will stay here - as the Prince of Pilsen?
Hans
Vy not? It costs me nodings. By jingo, I couldn't give
avay money here! I like it!
Prince
(Aside)
Himmel! He believes it! How shall I tell him?
Hans
Is dere many princes in dis country?
Prince
(Nods affirmatively)
Too many - just now!
(Enter FRANCOIS L. He comes down)
Francois
Pardon, your Highness!
(Bows)
Ze people - zay congregate in ze parlor! Zay beg ze honor of
von leetle speech!
Prince
(Forgetting himself)
Tell them I am engaged. I cannot see them!
Francois
Pardon, zey ask for ze prince!
(Prince starts)
Hans
Speech? To be certainly! I vill make a talking to dem -
de same speech as I might in de eight vard for alderman in
Cincinnati.
(Starts L. with Francois, the latter very deferential.
To Prince.)
Von't you come, too?
(Prince shakes his head. Exeunt Hans and Francois)
Prince
It is a fool's paradise. Why should I destroy it? It will
do me no harm to be a private citizen; for him exposure would
mean disgrace - disgrace for him and - ach Gott! -the princess!
How well that sounds! Who knows?
(Sits at table extreme R.)
Steady, Herr Niemann, steady! You need a smoke!
(Lights cigar. Lights gradually grow lower; artificial
lights in hotel and hotel grounds and Casino up one after
another. He sings)
SMOKE PICTURES.
I.
I know no greater pleasure, mid the trails that hedge the day,
Than to light a good Havana and to smoke my cares away.
When I wrap myself in silence not a discord comes to jar
As my thoughts go flying backward through the smoke of my cigar
I seem to be a boy again - my manly years have gone
Once more I see my mother's face and hear her cradle song.
(Invisible chorus off stage sings lullaby)
Chorus
Hush, my loved one! Hush, my own!
Trust a mother's love supreme!
You I live for - you alone!
Sleep, my baby - sleep and dream!
II.
The blue rings curling upward bear my troubles all away
My thoughts are playing truant in a reminiscent way
From out this changing cloudland, as the smoke wreathes to and fro
A girlish face smiles at me as it did long years ago.
Oh, sweetheart of my boyhood days! Oh, memory most dear!
The love song that you used to sing in fancy I can hear,
(Nellie - or Edith - sings off stage. A male voice
joining in singing the last two lines.)
Sadly I pine
For love of you!
Say you are mine!
I'll ever be true
While stars shine -
While skies are blue
Know that I'm hoping and yearning,
My darling, I'm waiting for you!
(At conclusion of love song, off stage R., the Prince
slowly arouse from his reverie. Business. Nellie
enters R. and crosses near him. He hears a step and
jumps up excitedly)
Prince
Fraulein!
(Nellie startled screams. Enter L. TOM and FRANCOIS)
Am I dreaming? Is it true?
(Holds out his hands, pleadingly)
Tom
(Running forward)
Nellie! What does this mean?
Tom
Go to your room! I will see you after I settle with this ---
(Hesistates as if searching for a word)
Prince
(Saluting)
Gentleman!
(Nellie goes L.)
Tom
If you are a gentleman what have you to say for yourself?
Prince
Nothing - except I am very happy!
Tom
You wear a sword; can you use it?
(Both draw swords and begin to fight. Nellie screams
and runs off L.)
(Exits R. General ensemble of chorus and principals)
FINALE
("Hurry" music. Excitement, Lights up. General
ensemble. Hans rushes between combatants crying
"Tom")
Hans
(Solo)
What has happened? What's the matter?
What has caused the row we heard?
Stop this clamor! Stop this clatter!
Tell me how it all occurred!
Tom
It is nothing - and it's ended!
Prince
He attacked me - I defended!
Chorus
That this quarrel had no motive
We consider quite absurd!
Tom
(Solo)
(Prince surprised)
And fancied she called for aid!
Believing this man had kissed her,
I hastily drew my blade.
Prince
(Solo)
My acts were plainly moral!
The facts I do not conceal.
He forced on me a quarrel
And then it was steel to steel.
Prince & Tom
(Duet)
For our blades, like a flash,
Came together with a crash
And the way we fought
Set a pace red-hot!
But we talked with the sword
For we neither said a word.
It was cut and thrust and parry!
But it came to naught
(Chorus repeats)
(Enter Gendarmes R.)
Gendarmes
Behold the high and mighty minions of the law!
We are the military models made by Mars!
Of our greatness all creation stands in awe
We are the bravest and the best beneath the stars
Like old Nemesis
Crime we never miss
And our duty plain we see.
Kindly come with us.
Do not make a fuss.
You must answer to the law's decree.
Mrs. Crocker
(Solo)
Remember this:
An unkissed Miss
Has causd all this commotion
Prospective bliss -
Is not amiss -
Nor real bliss, I've a notion
These men are friends,
He's made amends,
You need no longer stay.
Your cause is clear,
Don't interfere!
Now kindly go away!
Chorus
Your cause is clear,
Don't interfere!
Now kindly go away!
Gendarmes
Although these men are now at peace
A sad mistake they've made
The law must be obeyed
Arrest they can't evade.
Nellie
Have pity! Have pity!
They really did no wrong!
Edith
Release them! Release them!
This trouble don't prolong!
Chorus
'Twas all a trifling thing!
They clearly meant no wrong!
Indeed they meant no wrong!
Edith
(Solo)
Can it be that this indiscretion
You regard as a crime so grave?
Pray give heed to our intercession
From disgrace you their names can save.
Chorus
Can it be that this indiscretion
You regard as a crime so grave?
Pray give heed to our intercession
Help us their names from disgrace to save - to save!
Prince and Tom
(Duet)
It seems we both are in for it
We did not understand
The customs of this land!
Our duel wasn't planned!
I hardly think we'll swing for it!
We'll take a manly stand
Let's settle up this muddle
We're yours to command!
To law's decree we bow
We care not when or how
Now our respects in formal way
We go to court at once to pay
For this most grave offence
Requires no long defence
Until we meet we shall remain
Your friends - so off to jail! Auf wiedersehen!
(Chorus and Principals repeat and Gendarmes drag Prince
and Tom away.)
-:- CURTAIN -:-
-:- ACT II -:-
SCENE:- Coutryard of the International Hotel
at Nice, with fountain surrounded by
a promenade. Rear drop shows marine
view.
TIME:- Morning.
DISCOVERED:- Curtain discloses CHORUS of
FOXHUNTERS, EDITH, FRANCOIS, SIDONIE.
CHORUS:
Tally-ho!
The horn of the master is calling,
It says we must away,
O, list to the echoes enthralling,
Their voice we must obey.
The field and the forest invite us
We're out for the "brush" today
The hounds and the horses delight us
Our hearts are light and gay.
Tra-la-la, lee-o! Tra-la-la, lee-o!
Tally ho! Tally ho! Tally ho!
Edith
(Solo)
We'll ride over forest and mead
Hallee! Hallo!
We'll follow where fortune may lead!
Hallee! Hallo!
The hounds join their jubilant chorus
To whip! - Crick! Crack!
And spur! - Click! Clack!
Ride! for the game is before us.
Use whip! Crick! Crack!
And spur! Click! Clack!
Chorus
We'll ride over forest and mead
Hallee! Hallo!
We'll follow where fortune may lead!
Hallee! Hallo!
Give whip and spur to your steed
Not a moment we'll slacken our speed
To danger and death give no heed
We'll follow where fortune may lead.
Tally ho! Tally ho!
Tally ho! Tally ho!
The horn of the master is calling
It says we must away
O, list to the echoes enthralling,
Their voice we must obey.
The field and the forest invite us
We're out for the "brush" today
The hounds and the horses delight us
Our hearts are light and gay.
Hark! It's the horn of the master!
Our pulses beat faster and faster
Come, let us end delay
We'll ride to the death today
Come, let us join the fray
Awaking the echoes of morn
Answer the resonant horn
Tally ho! Tally ho! Tally ho! Tally ho!
(After the opening chorus, ARTIE enters from the hotel
office R., and stops on promenade.)
Artie
I regret to inform you that the Prince is indisposed and
therefore will be unable to accompany me this morning. I know
that you are as sorry as I am - and all that sort of thing -
but the hunt will take place just the same. Mount and let's
away where glory awaits us. Let your watchword be: "Death
to the anise seed bag!"
(Chorus cheers and exits, L.U.E. with Artie, singing
refrain. FRANCOIS and SIDONIE remain.)
Francois
(After exit of chorus seeing fox-hunters off, grasps
Sidonie's hand excitedly and drags her forward)
At last! At last, my Sidonie, we are alone! I have waited
long for a chance to speak - to tell you! Ze time is here!
Today plenty money - laces - jewels - you know what I say to
you? Correspondence have come to me - ver' important! Un
grande secret! Voila! Ve triumph today, my Sidonie, today!
Ze lettaire of instruction! Sh!
(Thrusts a letter into her hand. Sidonie glances at
letter and makes gesture of impatience)
Aha! You cannot read! -no! Eet is perfectly safe! Nor zis
one - no!
(Hands second letter)
Eet is nothing - to you - to anyone. Together! So!
(Puts letters together)
You shall see! Now! Attende!
(Reads)
"Deliver the plans at once to our agent." You hear! At once!
At once! He must be here! How! "to our agent who will
identify himself by the watchword! "The best is ever!"
Sidonie
"The best is ever!"
Francois
(Hastily puts his hand over her mouth. Looks about
cautiously)
So! "The money" - Ah, the money! - "will be paid promptly on
the delivery of the papers into our hands." You see! they
shall send to me a man who say: "Ze best offer!" He shall be
here now - maybe - zis hour! I give ze plans to him. Zat is
all - eet is easy. Zen, piff! Paris - la belle Paris! You
and I, my Sidonie, you and I!
(Francois thrusts letters into his pockets and excitedly
catches Sidonie in his arms, embraces her and they begin
to dance. HANS enters from hotel office R. suddenly)
Hans
I've been calling you---
(Sees the dance and stops)
Vot de--?
(Francois and Sidonie instantly stop)
Francois
(To Sidonie)
Sh!
(Sidonie courtesies and enters hotel. Francois becomes
very obsequious.)
Hans
Can't you hear?
(Puts hands to head)
Oh if yesterday was only today tomorrow would be different.
(Bows)
Hans
Vy didn't you call me at seven-thirty?
Francois
Pardon, your Highness have not been in ze bed at all.
Hans
Not in da bed? Bot have I been in?
Francois
Ze billiard room - on ze billiard table.
Hans
All night? Fifty cents an hour?
Francois
Your Highness insist it shall be so.
Hans
(Groans)
Oh! Vy is it dot mit champagne enough is always too much!
Francois
(Bowing obsequiously)
Eet is no-thing!
Hans
Nodings? It is efferything! I am dead.
Francois
(Obsequiously)
A leetle time and---
Hans
Vot for you look at me like dot? Bring me a glass of vater!
Bring a pitcherful! Bring all de vater in de hotel!
Francois
Oui, oui, your Highness.
(Exit hurriedly into hotel R.)
Hans
Oh, it vas dot stuff mit bubbles in it!
(Enter JIMMY L.U.E. with a telegram)
Jimmy
Telegram, your Highness!
Hans
Eh? For me? It looks like a Selditz powder. I bet you
from Cincinnati.
(Opens it)
Vas you effer in Cincinnati?
(Looks at telegram. Blinks)
I don't recognize de handwriting! De words all run together.
You look.
(Hands telegram to Jimmy)
Vot is it?
Jimmy
(Reads)
"Will meet you at three. Avenue of Palms. Love and kisses."
Hans
(Dazed)
Vot's dot? Say it again?
Jimmy
(Reads)
"Will meet you at three. Avenue of Palms. Love and kisses."
Hans
(Dazed)
"Love and kisses"? Who is it?
Jimmy
It is signed "Your bride".
(Alarmed)
Jimmy
That's what it says.
Hans
Bride? You are sure?
(Putting hands to his head)
Mein Gott! Did I marry somebody last night?
Jimmy
(Spelling out signature)
B-i-r-d-i-e. "Birdie"! "Your Birdie!"
Hans
(Perplexed)
birdie? I meet a birdie in de palm trees? It must be von
of dem I saw last night!
(Enter FRANCOIS with tray on which is a large carafe and a
glass. Pours water into glass. Bus. with Jimmy)
Ah!
(Hastily catches up the carafe, ignoring the glass, and
drinks from it, with a deep sigh of satisfaction)
My stomach feels like a lime kiln looks!
(Jimmy stand with hand outstretchd as if expecting a
tip. He still retains the telegram)
(To Francois)
You know Birdie? Yes?
Francois
(Perplexed)
Pardon, your Higness -
Hans
In de palm trees?
(Hans motions Jimmy's outstretched hand)
(Feels in vest pocket for money)
(Stops suddenly and looks with surprise at his evening
clothes)
Vere did I get dese?
Francois
Pardon, your Highness. Ze suit is mine. You command me last
night to give it.
Francois
You make of zem von leetle present for a waiter.
Hans
But de money? Did I spend it?
Francois
No, your Highness. You spend no-thing. You always say!
"Charge it to ze Prince of Pilsen".
(With a sweep of the arm)
So!
Hans
Der Prince! Himmel! I had forgotten. Give dis boy a
dollar!
(Francois gives coin to Jimmy, who bites it to see if
it is genuine)
Jimmy
A dollar for a telegram! I'll keep the wires hot!
(Looks at telegram which he still retains)
Dat's too good to lose.
(Jimmy goes up stage C. remaining on promenade)
Francois
Pardon! Your Highness haf ze leetle forgetfulness in ze head
I know. I mix you von - vot you call "Pick me up." Excuse
moi.
(Exit into hotel)
Hans
By golly, I remember! Last night! My boy Tom! He got into
trouble and I didn't help him out. I vos singing "Der Star
Spingled Banner" mit de vomens. Den bubbles, bubbles, always
more bubbles - till I didn't know exactly vot to do.
(Sings "He didn't know exactly what to do")
I.
A friend of mine went driving with a girl whom he admired
One evening when the moon was shining bright
But he soon got into trouble with the horse that he had hired
For the mag would "shy" at eveything in sight;
Both hands were busily engaged in holding tight the reins
He dared not for his life relax his grasp
While the maiden at his side
Cuddled close and cooed and sighed
Thoughts of might happen made him gasp.
Refrain
He didn't know exactly what to do
He didn't seem to have a bit of tact
For all the while his troubles deeper grew
He didn't know the proper way to act.
But just as he was feeling mighty blue
A kindly fate gave him the missing cue.
For the girl said with a smile
Better let me drive a little while
And then he knew exactly what to do.
II.
A city chap went walking through the fields one Summer day,
And with him went a country girl demure
They strolled along together through a meadow sweet with hay,
While he explained his fond emotions to her.
But, suddenly, a piercing shriek rang out upon the air
He feared she had received some mortal hurt
She gave an imitation of a war-dance then and there -
A mouse had got entangled in her skirt.
Refrain
He didn't know exactly what to do
He didn't seem to have a bit of tact
For all the while his troubles deeper grew
He was far too paralyzed to act.
But just as he was feeling mighty blue
A kindly fate gave him the missing cue.
For the girl said, with a wink:
"Run away - I want to think!"
And then he knew exactly what to do.
(At conclusion of song Jimmy comes forward and hands
the same telegram to Hans)
Jimmy
Aw - this is another one!
(Opens telegram and reads)
"Will meet you at three. Avenue of Palms. Love and kisses.
Your Birdie."
Hans
Anoder Birdie!
(Trying to remember)
Vot did I do last night?
(Enter Francois from hotel R. Hands glass to Hans.
He drinks)
Francois
A leetle time. Your Highness, and zere is no more---
(Motions with hands as if dizzy)
in ze head.
(Jimmy retaining telegram, extends hand for tip)
Hans
(Motioning Jimmy. To Francois)
Give dis boy a dollar.
(Francois does so)
Hans
(To Francois)
You know dose bubbles - in the glass? Last night a woman say
to me dey are "de imprisoned laughter of de peasant girls of
France." Don't you believe it It's de neadaene trying to
get out.
Francois
I haf ze hope your Highness is pleased.
Hans
Tickled to death mit afferything - except de bubbles. You
know vot? De people should drink more beer. By Jimminy,
dis vould be a good place to build a brewery. Maybe I do it.
Yes sir. If I do, it will be da best offer!
(Francois starts - drops the tray - Bus.)
( Jimmy and Francois try to pick up the tray at the same
time and bump together. Francois furious; Jimmy runs
off R.)
Hans
Vy don't you make some noise! Don't mind me - I'm dead,
anyvay!
Francois
Ah! What did your Highness say - about - about the --?
(Trembles)
Hans
I say a brewery - de best offer!
Francois
(Bus. of excitement - looks about suspiciously - hands
packet to Hans. Bus.)
Sh!
Hans
(Mystified)
Plans? So quick? You must be a mind reader.
(Attempts to examine plans)
Francois
(Terrified - bus.)
Mon Dieu! Not here!
Hans
Vot's de matter mit you?
Francois
We will be discover-r-! Sh! Have ze care!
(Bus.)
Hans
(Perplexed)
You've got a leedle---
(Motions with hand indicating dizziness)
yourself!
Francois
(Mysteriously)
Sh! I go! We must not be seen togezzer!
(Tiptoes off R mysteriously)
Hans
(After watching his exit)
Dot faller's been fooling mit bubbles, too!
(Opens plans and examines them)
By golly, dot's a funny brewery! All full of leedle rooms!
Vot a queerness! No ice house! No cooling chambers! No
vats nodings! Nodings but maga. - vot's dis? - magazines -
magazines - magazines!
(Enter Jimmy R.)
Vot der Teufel is magazines?
Jimmy
(Hands telegram)
Telegram, your Highness!
Hans
Vot! Again?
(Hands telegram to Jimmy)
Vell?
Jimmy
(Reads)
"Will meet you at three. Avenue of Palms. Love and kisses.
Your Birdie."
Hans
Vell, by golly! Dose palm trees is going to be full of birds!
(Notices Jimmy's outstretched hand. Feels mechanically
in his pocket for money)
Charge it to de Prince of Pilsen!
Jimmy
Then you won't get any more telegrams.
Hans
Vell, dot Frenchman vill save money by it. Here! Come here!
You know vot is a magazine - yes?
Jimmy
A magazine is a pamphlet - a little book.
Hans
Book! A leedle book?
Hans
Vot a foolishness! Dot fellow is crazy! Who effer heard of
so many books in a brewery!
(To Jimmy)
Are you sure? See here!
(Shows plans)
Is dot vot you mean - leedle books?
Jimmy
(Starts - aside)
A spy! Plans of the fort!
(Alone)
Oh, y-yes, sir - yes, sir - that's it, sir.
(Nervous - aside)
There'll be a big reward! I'll tell the police!
(Starts off C.)
Hans
(Disgusted)
Dot fellow's head is a bicycle shop.
(Puts plans into pocket)
Hans
(Noticing Jimmy's exit)
Here!
(Jimmy exits)
Now vot's de matter mit him?
(Falls into fountain C. Bus.)
(Enter L. MRS. CROCKER)
(Mrs. Crocker notices Hans and gives a scream - not
loud enough to attract a crowd - Hans tries to hide
behind the upright figure of the fountain but it doesn't
conceal him)
Mrs. Crocker
(Approaching in amazement)
Why, Prince!
Hans
(Looking out from behind fountain)
Good morning!
Mrs. Crocker
What are you doing in there?
Hans
I am doing de best I can. Dot's all de angels are doing dis
summer.
Hans
(Stands first on one leg, then on the other)
Now now - please - pretty creature, go away; come again some
oder day. How did you see me?
Mrs. Crocker
Why, I couldn't help it.
Hans
Vell, you should haf seen me last night. I vas all lit up!
Mrs. Crocker
(Laughing)
If you are trying to put out the illumination you've begun at
the wrong end. The fire isn't in your feet. Come out! Quick!
(Hans slowly clambers out)
You're a sight! And that suit!
Hans
You don't like it! Dot vas part of last night. Did you - see it?
Mrs. Crocker
No; but I can imagine it. The tide doesn't seem to be running
quite so high this morning.
(Smiles)
I know just how you feel.
Hans
(Shakes his head)
No you don't. Dis morning my legs ended right dere
(Indicating his knees)
and my head didn't end at all.
Mrs. Crocker
(Laughing)
You don't do this often, do you?
Hans
Often? I couldn't and live! I haven't done this before since
Cleveland was elected de first time!
Mrs. Crocker
(Laughing)
I wouldn't do it again till Cleveland is elected the next time.
Hans
Oh, I have been a fool!
Mrs. Crocker
Which proves that even a prince is quite human. I'm always
suspicious of men who are too good. You're all right.
(She extends her hand which Hans takes)
Hans
I'd just like to tell you vot I think of you.
Mrs. Crocker
(Withdrawing her hand)
No one must see you like this.
Mrs. Crocker
Remember you are to be my guest for the flower fete! Change
your suit. Make yourself presentable. Take a cold dip in the
ocean and pull yourself together.
(Enter C., several summer girls)
Mrs. Crocker
Hurry now!
(Urging him away R.)
Don't say anything to anyone.
(She hurries him off R.)
I wonder if anybody knows about this.
First Summer Girl
(To Mrs. Crocker)
Ah! Flirting with the prince.
Mrs. Crocker
Oh, no - no, indeed!
Second Summer Girl
Oh, come now - no one blames you!
Third Summer Girl
We're envious, that's all!
Mrs. Crocker
You needn't be! I've told you the truth, and the whole truth.
This isn't even one of those distinctly feminine inventions,
a white lie.
(She sings)
WHITE LIES.
I.
Mrs. Crocker
I readily acknowlede prevarication's wrong
A falsehood is a thing that all despise
You may stretch the facts a little to help the truth along
But never overdo it, if you're wise!
Chorus
Never overdo it, if you're wise!
Mrs. Crocker
No - never overdo it, if you're wise.
You call upon a woman, whom you know in a formal way,
And though she holds that lying is a sin
Without a twinge of conscience she'll instruct her maid to say
"Just tell him that the lady isn't in."
Chorus
"Tell him that the lady isn't in."
Mrs. Crocker
"Just tell him that the lady isn't in."
Refrain
Lies! Lies! Little white lies!
Diplomatic fictions which a ready wit supplies
Lies! Lies! Pretty white lies!
Moths are more attractive if we call them butterflies.
Chorus
Lies! Lies! Little white lies!
Mrs. Crocker & Chorus
Everybody knows that life is half white lies.
II.
Mrs. Crocker
An afternoon reception - a woman's club, or tea -
A clearing house for gossip of the day -
Pick out a quiet corner where you've a chance to see
And this is what you'll hear the tabbies say:
Chorus
This is what you'll hear the tabbies say:
Mrs. Crocker
Yes - this is what you'll hear the tabbies say:
"I don't know how you do it - you must have a fount of youth!"
"That gown of yours I know has cost a mint!"
"Oh no - I never flatter - it's too simple, honest truth!"
"I do so hate to see my name in print!"
Chorus
She does so hate to see her name in print!
Mrs. Crocker
Oh yes - "she hates to see her name in print!"
Refrain
(Dance, after which Mrs. Crocker exits R. into hotel
leaving the summer girls. Noise off stage L.U.E.)
First Summer Girl
(Looking off L.U.E.)
Oh, girls, what's this?
Second Summer Girl
Somebody's hurt. They're bringing him here!
(Excitement. Bus. Enter L.U.E. ARTIE in a wheelbarrow
wheeled by one or two Italians (supers). They
circle around the fountain and dump Artie C.)
(Summer girls crowd around Artie, asking a dozen questions
at once. Francois and Sidonie enter hastily R.)
Summer Girls
Are you hurt? What's the matter? How did it happen?
First Summer Girl
(To Francois)
Bring some brandy! Quick!
(Francois hurriedly exits L. Girls show excitement.
They scurry about. One brings a chair or settee. Two
others assist Artie to rise and ease him into it. Another
brings a cushion or a footstool for his feet.
Another fans him. At each evidence of solicitude Artie says
"Thank you!" and they follow each other rapidly. Francois
enters L., hands glass of brandy to Artie who again
says "Thank you" and drinks. Francois exits)
(First girl, placing her hand on his forehead)
Poor fellow.
Artie
(Contentedly)
Ah! I wish I'd been battered up a little more. This is
delicious!
Second Summer Girl
Are you badly hurt?
Artie
Don't worry. It's nothing. Just a mere trifle. I'm
jarred and jolted, wrenched, bruised, twisted, sprained,
scratched, smashed - and - mad. That's all!
First Summer Girl
Did you fall from your horse?
Artie
No - I didn't fall - I flew. The next time I ride a horse
I don't know anything about, it will be a quiet, gently
well-broken saw-horse. I knew, right from the start, we
weren't going to be friends. When I tried to mount, that
horse grinned at me - actually grinned. We started off
and he began to laugh. I was afraid he would burst his
sides so I picked out a nice soft ditch half filled with
water - and ugh! Is there any more brandy? That horse was
the only good thing I ever got off!
First Summer Girl
Why don't you sue the owner for damages?
Artie
Damages? I don't want any more damages. Look at me!
(He jumps up)
Second Summer Girl
Well, something should be done.
Artie
Right O, my girl! I agree with you. From the depths of
my innermost consciousness I feel that something should
be done.
(Artie sings: "Something Should be Done".)
(At conclusion of song, Artie and Girls exeunt into
hotel R. Enter C; group of eight Vassar Girls and
eight Heidelberg boys, the latter in light summer suits
but wearing colored caps, sashes, and swords. They are
chattering and immediately separate into couples scattered
about stage -- one couple remains on promenade upstage. Enter
from hotel R. MRS. CROCKER hurriedly)
Mrs. Crocker
Ah, there you are! I've been looking for you everywhere.
(Couples show respectful attention and come down stage
except one couple.)
You've been out of my sight a whole half hour; this isn't
proper.
(Notices couple upstage.)
Here! Fall in!
(Couple comes forward and joins the others.)
Ladies, when you asked me to chaperone you during the
flower fete you promise implicit obedience. You are forgetting
your commanding officier! Attention!
(Heidelberg boys immediately assume a rigid military
bearing; the girls making a crude attempt to imitate them.)
Salute!
(Girls put up their lips to be kissed. Boys salute by
touching their caps, turn quickly and kiss the girls.)
No, no! NOt that way! Break ranks!
First Student
Pardon! It was not lack of respect for Madam but admiration for du
American girl!
(Bus.)
Students
(Together, saluting)
Hoch!
Mrs. Crocker
Gentlemen, I don't blame you for capitulating to the American
girl -- she has no equal on earth.
(She sings, "The American Girl.")
THE AMERICAN GIRL.
I.
Here's a girl from a town
That's won renown
For the Tammany tiger's capers.
It's a beautiful spot
But the news is so hot
That they're printing asbestos papers
Of all the chargers beneath the sun
The jolliest, liveliest, gayest one
For a fellow whose motto is: "Just for fun!"
Is the hug-me-tight girl from Gotham.
Refrain.
The American girl is a girl to love
Wherever her home may be!
She may be light or she may be dark
But she always is fair to see.
The American girl I'll gladly toast
To the sound of the popping cork
But I still insist that first on the list
Is the girl from old New York!
II.
Here's a girl from a town
That's won renown
For it's terrapin and its whiskey
Where the oysters thrive
And the streets are alive
And the lobsters are fresh and frisky
There the cheeks are red and the eyes are black
The popular boat is a fishing smack
And the girl who gets one gives one back -
For the Baltimore girl trades fairly.
(Refrain: "Maryland, my Maryland.")
III.
Here's a girl from a town
That's won renown
As the home of the golden nugget.
And each form out there
Is so wondrously fair
That's it's proper and right to hug it.
There the girls are brave but they're too bold
Still an armful is all that a man can hold
There's no danger of anyone catching cold
From a girl in San Francisco!
(Refrain: "Hot Time in the Old Town.")
IV.
Here's a girl from a town
That's won renown
Because it's so sedentary
Penn laid it out
And, beyond a doubt,
He wanted a cemetary.
There the girls are pretty and pert and prim.
Their waists are taper, their ankles trim
And they're not so slow when "alone with him."
Not even in Philadelphia.
(Refrain: "Lullaby")
V.
Here's a girl from a town
That's won renown
For the goddess upon the dome
Where the statesmen stay
Where the lobbyists pray
And the granger walks back home.
But that golden goddess, so near the skies,
Though a capital thing, can not hypnotize
While a Washington girl who can use her eyes
Is a sign of your early fall.
(Refrain: "Red, White and Blue.")
(At conclusion of song and dance Mrs. Crocker exits
L.I.E. Vassar Girls and Heidelberg students in couples
take seats at tables on promenade back of stage - waiter
serving them during following scene. Enter from Hotel R.,
EDITH. She crosses to C.)
Edith
Thank Heaven that stupid hunt is over anyway. I felt like
a criminal all the while but I had to go along. It seemed
cruel even to pretend to enjoy myself with Tom in trouble.
Heigho! And no word from him yet!
(Sits on sette R.C. under a pillar covered with
flowering vines)
(TOM and THE PRINCE enter L.U.E. They stop on seeing
Edith, whose back is toward them. Tom gives a sigh
for silence, tiptoes forward and shakes the vine, a shower
of flower petals falling over Edith who starts up)
Edith
Tom!
(Extending her hands)
How are you!
Tom
Just able to be out - thank you. I couldn't say that an
hour ago!
Edith
Why, you don't mean - ?
Tom
(Nodding his head)
All night! We got tangled up in no end of red-tape.
Duelling by foreigners on French ground, it seems is a rather
serious offence.
(Suddenly remembering the prince who is standing slightly
up stage L.)
Ah! Permit me to introduce my friend and fellow criminal,
Herr Niemann.
(Prince bows.)
Edith
(Surprised)
Friend?
Tom
Yes - friend! It takes a clash to test the metal of a sword -
or of a man!
(Offers his hand to the prince. They shake hands)
We know each other better now.
Prince
Yesterday died last night, fraulein. Don't resurrect it.
Edith
(Impulsively offering her hand to the prince)
Oh, I'm so glad it's all over, I detest quarrels.
Prince
(Accepting her hand with a bow)
Henceforth I am for peace - if I have to fight for it.
(Looking from one to the other as if realizing that
he was in the way)
If you will excuse me -
Prince
Ah! Two is company; three is too many and I am sure your
sister must be anxious about you. If I may I will - thank
you!
(Exits into hotel R.)
Edith
Oh, Tom! Tell me all about it.
Tom
There isn't much to tell. We couldn't get away before, that's
all. The Heidelberg boys somehow secured Niemann's release
and then he helped me out. That fellow's a trump; I like
him!
Edith
Ah! Now I can smile again! I've been so worried about you!
Tom
Poor girl! I knew it. You were never out of my thoughts!
Edith
Nor you out of mine! These violets you gave me were my
only solace -
(Indicating violets)
I talked to them - and they talked to me. You know what
they said for you yourself first told me the message of the
violet.
"THE MESSAGE OF THE VIOLET."
EDITH
(Sings)
I.
The rose's lips are warm and red
And burning with desire;
Her heart and soul are all aflame
With passion's glowing fire;
But, if you touch her, have a care -
She's thick with thorns beset!
And Nature, when she breathes of love,
Speaks through the Violet!
Refrain.
I bring a breath of spring time
From woodland, where I grow,
There's a kiss upon each petal,
My lips are sweet with dew.
The one who sends this message
Would whisper soft to you:
"I love you - love you - love you -
And my heart's true blue."
II.
The lily's lips are chaste and pure
Without a touch of fire
She coldly says the mind should rule
And chills the heart's desire
Take both the lily and the rose -
Extremes oft bring regret!
Give me the lovely flower of love -
The modest violet!
Refrain.
(During the song Hiedelberg students and Vassar girls,
rear, join in refrain. At second stanza they rise and
pass to C. exeunt singing second refrain. Edith & Tom
exeunt R.L.E.)
Artie
(Strolls on from Hotel, R.)
By Jove, if the prince were only out of the way I'd win the
widow yet! It's too bad - she has no end of money and my
creditors, I fancy, would soon learn to like her.
(Lights a cigarette)
The whole pack is getting hungry and I'll soon be dodging
bailiffs. Something should be done. I can't live in a garret,
don't you know - and the quickest way to get better
quarters is to get a better half.
(Enter NELLIE, L.U.E.)
Ah, the little princess! Why not?
Nellie
Oh, Mr. Somerset, I can't find father anywhere. Have you
seen him?
Artie
Saw him a minute just before we went away - in the billiard
room.
Nellie
Why, Father doesn't play billiards.
Artie
Well, he was using one of the tables.
(Going R.)
Artie
(Interposing)
Oh, I say! Don't run away. There was something I wanted to-
(As if trying to remember something)
Oh, yes! You are the only woman I ever loved!
Nellie
(Astounded)
Oh, don't! Don't! Why I don't even know you!
Artie
Well, by Jove, you don't take any more chances than I do!
Nellie
Pardon me, but I don't intend to take any chances!
Artie
Oh, but you must, don't you know! Matrimony always is a
lottery.
Nellie
Not always. You offer me only one chance and I know it's a
blank before I draw. That isn't a lottery!
Artie
(Laughs foolishly)
Ha, ha! Good! - That's very good! But, I say, you're wrong,
don't you know. My title is equal to yours. My family is
as well known in England as yours is in Germany, and ---
Nellie
What are you talking about? I have no title. I don't know
anything about Germany.
Artie
(Astounded)
W-what!
Nellie
Never was there in my life - My home is Cincinnati.
Artie
(Gasping)
But the prince? Your father?
Nellie
My father isn't a prince. If you insist on giving me a
title call him king for that's what he is!
Artie
(Enter PRINCE from Hotel R. He stops on seeing Nellie
and Artie)
(Dazed)
Not a prince!
Nellie
No; I'm tired of this foolishness!
(Attempts to pass. Artie blocks her way.)
Artie
Whew! You'll overlook what I said just now - about marrying
and all that sort of thing, you know. Really, you won't hold
me to ---
Nellie
(Disdainfully)
You needn't worry! No!
Artie
(Attempts to detain her)
I say, you won't ---
Prince
(Interposing)
Pardon! The Lady says "no."
Artie
(Angrily)
I cannot see, sir, why you ---
Prince
But the lady says "no." Among gentleman when a lady says
"no" that is - the finish.
Nellie
(As if to thank him.)
Mr. Niemann!
(Suddenly draws back)
But Tom?
Prince
Requests me to present his compliments to his fair sister
and says he will join her presently. If fraulein will do me
the honor to accept my arm I think I may be able to render
a satisfactory explanation.
(Nellie takes his arm and they exeunt R.I.E. without
noticing Artie)
Artie
(Gives a long whistle)
Egad! What a narrow escape!
(Suddenly)
The widow! By Jove! Here's my chance! The old man's a
fraud! I'll expose him before everybody! Then who'll be
the hero, eh? Save her from this imposter, and all that sort
of thing! Gratitude - surrender - center of the stage - red
fire! It's only a question of when and how.
(Enter C. FRANCOIS and SIDONIE, conversing.)
Franocis
Listen, my Sidonie! Haf everyzing ready - Tonight we fly!
I had deliver ze plans.
Sidonie
But ze money? How about ze money?
Francois
Fear not! Ze money come after - when ze plans reach Germany.
Sidonie
I like not zat one leetle but - maybe it comes not at all.
Francois
Ah eet cannot fail - no. Eet is ver' important; eet is worth
much money - the grande secret! Germany send to me not a
common man - no. You know who? Sh! Ze prince himself - so
gr-hreat Prince of Pilsen!
Francois
Oui, ma cherie! Viola! We will be rich my Sidonie, rich!
You and I! Tonight we r-run away - to Paris - la belle
Paris! Back to ze boulevards!
(They sing and dance "Back to the Boulevards." Exeunt
R.I.E.)
(Enter form hotel R. HANS in a bath robe, surrounded by
eight bathing girls, in bathing costumes. They are
chattering and crowding about him as they come down stage)
First Bather
Aren't you coming in with us?
(Hans shakes his head)
Second Bather
Oh, come on - the water is fine!
Third Bather
It's great sport!
Hans
Dot is it, it is too much sport! No sir - I go in swimming
alone - it is safer.
Hans
You know vot! I'm a vader! I can't swim. Ven I see so
much pretty girls by me, by Jiminy, I forget all about de
vater - I find a place vere de bottom is too vide
from de top! You see? I don't vant to boom the undertaker
business.
First Bather
There isn't the slightest danger. Why there's a safety line.
Hans
Ja Wohl! Dere is always a safety line. Aber wot's de use if
nobody sees it till after de post mortem?
First Bather
There's everything in knowing just how far one ought to go.
(First Bather sings: "There's Everything in Knowing Just
How Far One Ought to Go".)
"HOW FAR ONE OUGHT TO GO."
I.
The bathing girl in summer
Is rated as a hummer
A sweet seductive siren of the sea
And whether she's parading
On the beach or goes in wading
She's always just as neat as she can be.
When she's sporting in the water
She's as graceful as an otter
With the figure of a mermaid most divine
But in flirting with a stranger
As in swimming she's in danger,
If she dares to go beyond the safety line.
Refrain
There's everything in knowing just how far a girl should go.
When Inclincaton whispers: "Yes" and Caution urges: "No".
That's the time to hesitate and wordly wisdom show!
So much depends on knowing just how far a girl should go.
II.
At evening when the cricket
Is chirping in the thicket
You stroll out in the moonlight - just you two.
As slowly on you wander
He suddenly grows fonder
And swears there is no girl on earth but you!
Then he says he'd like to kiss you
And explains how much he'll miss you
When the time shall come for you to go away.
If he puts his arms about you
And declares he'll die without you
That's the point for you to draw the line and say
Refrain.
(After song Hans goes to bench first entrance R. and
sits, girls beside him and about him.)
First Bather
Do tell us about your home! Where do you live?
First Bather
It must be beautiful! Are you right in Pilsen?
Hans
Writing it? No - I'm brewing it. Pilsner, Hofbran and in
summer Bock.
Second Bather
Do you live in a castle - one of those grand old ruins?
Hans
Ruin, it's no ruin! Used to be a grand old saloon, but I fix
it over - fine!
First Bather
I suppose there are beautiful grounds all around it, aren't
there?
Hans
(Shakes his head)
Not around - under it.
Third Bather
At home do you always wear a crown?
Hans
Vot you mean? At home I don't always wear a coat.
Second Bather
(To another bather)
Isn't he lovely? So democratic!
Hans
Ja - de eight ward - democratic, strong!
First Bather
It must be nice to be a prince.
Hans
(After a pause as if suddenly remembering)
Oh, ja! A prince! It is nice - even for a day!
(Puts his arms about two girls)
You bet!
(Enter TOM and EDITH L. They notice Hans. Tom
pantomines that Edith shall enter hotel. She does so.)
Tom
(Advancing)
A very pretty picture!
(Hans and girls jump up)
You're a nice sort of an old reprobate, aren't you?
(To Hans advancing)
First Bather
How dare you address the Prince like that!
Hans
(Putting his arms about two girls.)
Ja - how dare you?
Tom
(To Hans)
I suppose you think it's a joke to leave your own son---
(Indicating himself)
in jail all night.
Bathers
(Surpised)
His son!
Hans
(To Tom)
Vot's de matter mit you?
(To Bathers)
Der man must be crazy!
(To Tom)
Go 'vay! I don't know you. Never saw you before in my life!
(Enter C. JIMMY and TWO GEND'ARMES --- He points toward
Hans and they approach)
First Gend'arme
Pardon! Have I ze honor addressing ze Prince of Pilsen?
(Bows politely)
Hans
(To Tom)
You see? You don't know it who I am! Dey know it! Go 'vay!
(To Gend'armes)
Sure I am!
(Proudly strutting about)
Gend'arme
(Touching Hans on the shoulder)
You will kindly come wize me.
Gend'arme
To ze coniergerie! I have here --
(Shows document)
ze warrant for ze arrest of ze Prince of Pilsen!
(Bathers, alarmed, retreat around Tom, L.)
Hans
(Terrified)
Arrest! Arrest de Prince! Can you do it? It is a mistake,
all a mistake! I am not der Prince always -- sometimes --
not always.
Hans
Yesterday and tomorrow I am Herr Wagner from Cincinnati!
Vere you effer in Cincinnati?
(Points to Tom)
Dot's my boy Tom. Ask him! He'll tell you!
Tom
That man must be crazy! I never saw him before in my life.
Hans
Vot! You don't know me? Ach Gott! My own son don't know me?
Tom
(Going to girls)
Come, girls! This is no place for us!
(Girls crowd around Tom and start to exit R.)
Officers, I advise you to handcuff your prisoner --- He's
a desperate fellow.
(Exit Tom with girls L.)
Hans
Is dis a dream? My own boy don't know me? I gif dot boy my
life and now ven I need him he turns against me. It is too
much.
(Starts toward hotel)
(Hans stops as if shot and wilts. Business.)
Gend'armes
(Catching Hans roughly by the shoulder)
Come!
Hans
(Indicating bath robe)
Like dis?
Gend'armes
Ze clothing may come after.
(They drag Hans away C. against his vigorous protests)
Jimmy
(After watching exit of Hans with gendarmes)
There'll be big money in this for me!
(Exit into hotel - Enter L.I.E., NELLIE followed by
the PRINCE, conversing. Nellie has in her hands several
sea shells at which she is looking)
Nellie
Aren't they beautiful?
Prince
(Without taking his eyes of Nellie, clasping his hands)
Perfectly beautiful!
(Sighs)
Nellie
They are so pink and white!
Prince
(Looking at Nellie's cheeks, without her noticing it)
Ah, yes! So pink and so white!
(Nellie puts a shell to her ear and laughs musically)
Nellie
And there's music in them, too!
Prince
(Referring to her laughter)
The sweetest music in the world!
Nellie
I half imagine the shells are trying to whisper something
to me.
Prince
(Impulsively making a movement as if to embrace her)
They are, Fraulein! They are! Shall I tell you what
they would say?
THE TALE OF A SEA SHELL.
PRINCE
(Sings)
In the days of long ago
A moonbeam loved a star
But how could he tell her so -
So fair, but, ah, so far?
Nellie
So fair, but, ah, so far!
Prince
Her twinkling wink
He used to think
Was a love sign, meant for him.
So with heart beating light
He would sing, all night,
Mid woodland shadows dim:
REFRAIN
Sweetheart, I'll love you ever!
Oh, doubt me never!
Love lives forever!
Till Time shall end naught shall us sever!
With heart and soul I love but you!
II.
As year after year rolled by
The moonbeam's heart grew sad
That star in the far-off sky
Still winked as she always had -
Nellie
She winked as she always had!
Prince
He knew each night
That the faithless light
Was as distant as of old
But his heart still was true
To the whole night through
His love for her he told:
REFRAIN.
III.
The light of the star above
Upon the sea was cast
The moonbeam believed his love
Had come to earth at last --
Nellie
She'd come to earth at last!
Prince
He kissed that wave -
It became his grave -
For the light was false and cold!
Still his song's echo dwells
In the sea's pearly shells
They murmer the story old: --
REFRAIN.
(Female chorus enters for last refrain. At conclusion
of song chorus exits leaving Nellie and Prince)
Prince
Frauelein, the song of the shell is the song of the universe --
an echo from heaven heard only by the soul. It is love, meine
liebschen! And love knows no time but now, no place but
here, no one but you - all or nothing!
(Impulsively makes a movement as if about to embrace her)
Nellie
(Regarding the Prince with wonderment, half frightened
and timid)
I - I'll have to go now; I must see Father!
Prince
(Restraining his emotions with difficulty)
So must I! Your father! And then, if I may, I will tell you
what the fairies of the shell are trying to say to you now!
(Nellie goes R., stops before entering hotel and looks
back, then hurriedly exits)
Ach Gott, Herr Niemann! It is a dream?
(JIMMY enters R. with armful of clothing. He meets
Nellie.)
(Prince without noticing Jimmy)
For the first time in my life!
(Notices Jimmy, stops him excitedly)
Quick! Her father! Where is he?
Jimmy
Whose father?
(Prince throws a kiss in the direction of Nellie)
Ah! He's in jail! There's hell a brewing here!
(Prince graps Jimmy so roughly he cried out with pain,
drops clothing and falls on his knees)
Jimmy
(Sniffing)
You needn't get mad! I didn't do it! The old man's a spy!
Prince
Spy? Quick! Tell me!
(Shakes Jimmy roughly)
Jimmy
(Gasping)
The police got him! You needn't jump on me!
(Releases Jimmy who rises)
(Jimmy catches up clothing and the Prince hurriedly
exits with him L.I.E.)
(Trumpet call off stage followed by cheers --- General
ensemble of female choruses and principals excepting
Hans, Prince, Tom, Jimmy and Mrs. Crocker. They
march on singing.)
OUR QUEEN OF FLOWERS.
Chorus
At last, with hearts elate
We end our floral fete
No thought of care shall mar these golden hours.
On this festal day
We crown with garlands gay
A stranger fair as our Queen of Flowers!
To her we kindly bow
As loyal subjects now.
With one accord unite to sing her praise
Let us celebrate
Her well-won triumph great
To greet our queen each voice we'll raise.
(BALLET BY FLOWER GIRLS)
Edith
While so joyfully we join in singing
Chorus
While so joyfully we join in singing
Edith
Hark! How merrily the bells are ringing!
Chorus
Hark! How merrily the bells are ringing!
Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong!
To her we kindly bow
As loyal subjects now.
With one accord unite to sing her praise
Let us celebrate
Her well-won triumph great
To greet our queen each voice we'll raise.
Let's rejoice!
Raise each voice
To greet our queen -- our floral queen!
(Enter MRS. CROCKER, R.U.E. in floral carriage. Crosses
to R. and alights. PICTURE. Roll of drums off stage
L.U.E. Enter TOM and CHORUS of NAVAL CADETS)
(Tom sings)
FALL IN.
I.
When the call to arms resounds throughout the land,
Every Yankee tar is ready, heart and hand!
If there's fighting to be done
It's the man behind the gun
Who must teach the lessons nations understand.
Every son of Uncle Sam is brave and true
And in action he's a tiger, through and through
When the cannons bark and roar
He's a hero to the core!
With a splash of red he glorifies the blue.
REFRAIN
Up boys! Hear the bugle blow!
With hearts elate we will heed the thrilling story
Fall in, faces to the foe!
The path to fame leads through the fields that are gory!
Line up! Forward! Off we go!
Beneath the stars and stripes of dear old glory
Where'er we may be whirled
Our Flag shall ne'er be furled
'Neath it we'll beat the world!
II.
If the day shall come when Uncle Sam, perhaps,
Shall decide to make some changes in the maps
We'll be ready, never fear!
For each Yankee volunteer
Wants a chance to win a pair of shoulder straps
In his heart of hearts two idols are enshrined
And he worships them with adoration blind
For he loves, throughout the war,
Both the flag he's fighting for
And the little girl whom he has left behind.
REFRAIN.
(At conlcusion of march, noise is heard off stage L.I.E.
and JIMMY runs on hotely pursued by HANS, now in business
suit)
Jimmy
(As he runs on)
I didn't mean to! I didn't mean to!
(Falls R.S.)
Hans
(As he runs on)
You rascal! You did it!
(Bus. excitement)
Mrs. Crocker
(Interposing)
What's the matter?
Hans
He said it! I was a spy!
(Shaking his fist at Jimmy)
Mrs. Crocker
There must be some mistake.
Artie
(Storming forward)
There is!
(Chorus excited. Bus.)
Mrs. Crocker, come away from that man!
(Chorus silent in expectation)
We have been imposed upon!
Artie
This man is not the Prince of Pilsen at all!
(The PRINCE in full dress uniform enters from hotel R.
Stops on promenade)
He's nothing but a blooming Yankee! Awsk him!
Prince
(Comes forward)
One moment!
(Steps to the front)
Pardon! It is perfectly true that my friend here
(Indicating Hans)
is not the Prince of Pilsen.
Prince
For that he is not to blame. It was your mistake - not his.
(Turns to Nellie)
It is also true that this young lady is not the Princess of
Pilsen; but she soon will be, for she has done me the great
honor to promise that she will become my wife!
(Embraces Nellie)
Chorus
(In suppressed excitement)
The prince!
Artie
(To Hans)
Will you forgive me?
Hans
Dere's nothing to forgive!
Tom
Do you include me in that?
Hans
(Holding out his hand)
Tom! My boy!
Tom
Then you must also include my commanding officer.
(Indicating Edith)
Hans
(Grasping her hand)
Vere you effer in Cincinnati? You must come!
(Turns to Mrs. Crocker)
And you - sometime?
(Mrs. Crocker gives him her hand. He kisses it. To
Chorus and audience)
And you - all of you! But ven you come to see me in
Cincinnati ask for Pilsener -- not the Prince of Pilsen!
FINALE AND CURTAIN.