Hello Boys and girls.
Hello Jim.. Jim.. Jim
Have you routed him out yet?
Haven't looked yet.
We'll find him in his little downy bed. George is one of those quiet chaps ... Very unsophisticated-- Never goes out. Fast asleep every night at ten.
Oh surely not after the night his pal Jim Marvin led the Elks debating team to victory.
It means nothing in George's young life that we won to-night. Now keep quiet, we are going to give the old boy the surprise of his young life. Yonder in his chaste white bed room. Now when I count to three call him.
One two three.
George!
What do you know about that? He isn't here.
Oh--h--h
But that's all right we'll go into the dining room and pop open a few quarts of the best.
Are you sure George won't mind?
Mind? Why George would share his last wife with me. You know I saved his life once.
My Lambkin!
Oh George!
I wonder did-- did anyone see us come in here?
Not a soul. Don't be so nervous dear.
I was all right until I heard the minister say "WILT THOU GEORGE" and I did.
Did what?
Wilted.
Oh! How thrilling it is to elope. I'd like to do it every day.
Lou Ellen!
I mean with you dear.
My little squaw.
George I read in the papers this morning that a man from Boreneo can buy a wife for three dollars. Isn't that awful?
Oh I don't know--- I think a really good wife is worth three dollars.
Why George!
I don't mean you. You're worth your weight in gold.
Silly old George. Now I've got powder all over your shoulder.
That's all right. Powder always brushes off easily.
George -----How do you know it will?
Well I took the Chemisty course at college.
Oh I just can't help worrying about your past.
I'm afraid my past was a very dark one.
George!
Because you weren't there to brighten it, Lou.
Oh George.
Come Dear I want to show you the apartment.
... Hello... Who? Oh the Landlord. No this isn't Mr. Budd. Mr. Budd is out. A lot of girls? You bet there are. Regular Himdingers.. Won't you come up and join us.
Oh naughty naughty. That's not a pretty way to talk. Take that.
The landlord Briggs, Phoning from downstairs.
What's all this going on in the dining room Mr. Marvin?
Just a gay little party. We're celebrating the golfing victory.
But the landlord will never stand for it sir. He'll jolly well call the blooming Police sir.
Yes. That's what he just told me.
Oh Jim. Have you anything that will open a can of sardines?
Never mind Polly. I found a razor that opens them very nicely.
Oh----- the Master's Razor!
Isn't it jolly to see the little dears having such a good time, Briggs?
Well--- I can't say as I gets much kick out of it sir.
Nonsense. What you and Mr. Budd both need is a little wholesome feminine society.
No thanks. I've had enough of girls. I've been dodging them ever since I was a blue eyed boy.
Perhaps you have never met the right one.
They're all alike. When nature makes a bloomer she sticks to it.
Nature's mistake is not making enough girls.
I see. You wish they grew on trees.
That's the idea. I want a garden where I can gather a whole bunch of American beauties, before breakfast every morning.
While you are packing your bag I'll write a note to Father and Mother telling them what we've done.
What we've not done?
About our elopement I mean
Where?
Don't you see, stuck on that statue.
No Dear. Let me take it off. I don't quiet approve of you having a statue like that in your room.
That's better.
But Darling---
No dear I'll open it. Mother told me if I ever get married to be sure to
Yes Dear.
Your letters fill me with dismay. Commit no rash act until you have seen me. Arrive at thy home to-morrow morning. Love Aunt Penelope.
Good Lord.
What does this mean?
Aunt Penelope is my Guardian
That's what she means by rash deed?
If she called getting engaged a rash deed what will she call getting married.
George as much as I hate to say it we will have to postpone our Honey- Moon.
Oh no.
Oh yes. She will never forgive you if you aren't here to receive her.
Oh I can't help that.
Didn't you tell me that she had charge of your family estate?
Yes -- But she can cut me off with my allowance if she wants to. The deuce with Aunt Penelope and our money...... This is our bridal night.
No George. You must be brave and take me home.
Must I?
Yes. Where is my bag?
Oh leave your bag here sweetie. Then we can get away at a minute's notice.
All right.
Don't Darling.
Oh... OH...
They're pretty aren't they?
Beautiful oh... My lamb.
Your dear little slippers.
Resting beside mine... Oh my darling.
Won't go home until morning...
What's that!
Some people in the dining room.
Bedroom?
Yes. Here.
Ah there you are old Tortoise.
What does this mean Jim?
A little surprise party.
Now Jim I......
Don't thank me.
I wasn't going to.
We were out celebrating the great golfing vic. and I... I thought of you all alone here.... And I said "let's share our fun with old George" and here we are.
It's damn nice of you.
You're welk... Entirely Welk...
No I don't use a brush.
A comb then.
I comb my fingers through my hair... It's better for the scalp.
George you ain't well.
I... I feel perfectly well.
He.. He.. You're as nervous as a bride groom.
(OH JIM YOU'RE SPOILING THE PARTY. COME ON BACK)
By the way whom were you talking to just now?
Oh I was talking to myself... I often do.
Gosh you're in worse shape than I thought.
I'm all right really.
You don't want to wake up some morning and find yourself in the nut factory. Do you? Have you any other symptoms? Acid taste in the mouth? Cold feet...... Do you see floating spots? Show me your tongue.
I wish you'd go away and leave me alone.
Oh don't be ridiculous.....Come in and join the party and be
our little ray of sunshine.... These are nice girls!
Go back... Go back.... Into your ponk cocoon.
Hey what's the idea?
What idea?
The outburst of song.
Was I singing... Unconscious... Quiet unconscious.
You are going to have a nervous breakdown. You're on the verge of neurea- Thenia.
Oh Jim. Why didn't you come back?
Ladies allow me to introduce Mr. Geo. Budd, the human sunbeam. Miss Polly
Andrews and her gang.
How do you do Mr. Budd? We've heard so much about you.
I've met you haven't I?
Now look what a mess you've got me into.
Oh, cheer up, little one. I'll go with you and interview this money grabber. The honeyed word.. the beaming smile. Just leave it to me.
Oh, look it's started raining.
Why, who's the little girl?
Oh, excuse me.
Did you come to the party?
Ye..yes.
Well, you're too late. I'm afraid it's all over.
Well, then I guess I may as well go home.
Oh, no, we'll go back to the Cherry Tree Inn Cabaret as soon as Mr. Marving comes back.
I never go to Cabarets.
No. Why not?
My..my husband wouldn't like it.
O...h, you're married?
Yes, I'm married.
Well, cheer up. Don't let it make you morbid. Love, honor, and be gay is the vow the modern wife takes.
But I'm an old fashioned wife. I promised to obey my husband.
How perfectly foolish.
Now, Jim you've got to clear those girls out in five minutes. You heard what I said.
All right--all right.
And tell them to go down the kitchen stairs. I'm going out in a few minutes myself, and I don't want to meet them.
You're a fine host...I'll have to square it with them some way. I know...we'll take them to the country club tomorrow. That will make them forget being thrown out of here tonight.
I'm not going to the country club.
Oh yes you are. I'm going to be presented with an Elks' head for winning the Debate, and, besides, a prominent Judge is going to make the presentation speech.
I hate speeches.
But this old Johnny is in a class by himself. He always winds up by saying "Waiter, give me the check".
Oh, Jim, come on.
But, Jim........
Some other time.
George, has that man gone?
Yes, now's our chance to get away.
George. I'm not sure that I liked the way that you hid me in that room.
But, Petty, it was the only thing to do.
But, you did it so naturally. Just as if you'd had lots of practice.
We must hurry, dearest.
Just a second, George, there's a mouse in that room.
Yes?
Just a moment, dear, have you any cheese?
Cheese? Are you hungry?
No, for the mouse. You ought to set a trap.
I must get you home. Aren't you ready now, darling?
Dearest, haven't I been telling you for the last five minutes that I would be ready in a second?
Just think...parted like this on our bridal night.
Oh, you make me cry.
But it won't be long.
I hope not.
We'll meet about half past nine. That's all right.
Briggs
Huh, window wide open and burglars could come right in...then what would old Geo. say?
Don't make any noise or cry out...I am a desperate woman.
Great Scott!
I think you'd bet...better hold up your hands.
Anything to be obliging.
Now, don't kid me, or I'll cry.
What's that?
Pardon, is this yours?
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
I'm so frightened...What shall I do?
Do? Go right ahead...take everything that isn't nailed down. It doesn't belong to me.
You don't think that I am a burglar?
No, oh no, of course not, I rather fancied that you dropped in for tea.
I'm trying to escape from the police.
What has the police force got against you?
I hit him in the eye.
Oh I say....don't you think that was a little injudish?
What?
Striking an officer means a year in the penitentiery.
It was all Tootles' fault.
Tootle? What kind of a drink is Tootle?
I was up at the Cherrytree Inn having supper.
I imagine that Tootles had been taking a long lingering look at the wine when it was red.
Yes, he had.
And that made Tootles sore?
Did it? He turned that policeman around and kicked him.
And that made the policeman sore?
Well, it must have bruised him. Oh it was terrible. The policeman
grabbed me, and I ......hit him. Then I got away and the policeman
after me.. I ran and ran...Then I saw the fire escape and that
window open....so I came in.
Bully for you.
Please don't go. And tell me, why the Big Bertha?
This?
Better give it to me.
That's awfully kind of you, Mr. Mr.........
Marvin....Jim Marvin is my name.
Mine is Jackey Sampson.
Howdedo, Jackey.
Hello, Jim.
Jackie Sampson? Sounds familiar.
I suppose. I'm in that Morality play at the Lyceum this week.
Must be a darn fine actress.
I beg your pardon.
Oh, what's that?
Open this yere door.
It's the policeman.
I can handle him...Don't be nervous. Come back, Jackey, be a man.
I...I'll try.
Wake up and open this yere door.
Let me talk to him. You know the honeyed word...the beaming smile, but I think you'd better hide.
Have a chair.
I'm looking for a woman that assaulted me that that woman was
seen entering this window.
Nonsense old dear, nonsense.
I tell you she did.
What old thing?
This here
Why so it is......I...
Yi....Yi....Yi.......
Oh, damn...
So there's a woman here. Who is she?
This is Mr. George Budd's home. Where else would you expect his wife to be?
I never knowed Mr. Budd was married.
I admit he doesn't give that impression.
I want to look at this Mrs. Budd.
No use, Constable, she loves her husband.
Now here--now here---don't try to elucidate me, I got to see her.
Young man, you are obstructin the law.
I didn't get it the first time, may I have another flash?
Mr. Budd is not home.
Hain't eh. Well, I got too much to do to stand around waiting for him. But I won't have much trouble tracking that female as assaulted me.
Why, have you got her description?
No, but I got her bag.
Her name is in it?
No.
Do you know what she looks like?
Well, no......I ain't very sure. You know, I always take my specks off before I mix it in a rough house, so I'm kinder uncertain bout both them criminiles.
That's tough.
Well, I'll be steppin'.
Take my advice and give the eye a little beefsteak party.
Uh....huh....Say how did Mr. Budd ever fix it with his wife so he could stay out so late? My old woman wouldn't stand for it.
I didn't know you were married.
Oh, I'm one of those close mouthed fellows. I keep my troubles to myself.
I'll see you out, Constable.
My bag...he has my bag.
I suppose so.
Oh, what shall I do now?
Was there anything much in your bag?
Anything much? Five hundred dollars, two diamond stuffed garters, vanity case, 200 cigar coupons, and a copy of "WHAT A YOUNG GIRL OUT TO KNOW." But worst of all....a rabbit's foot.
A rabbit's foot?
Off a rabbit that was shot at full moon in a graveyard.
Great scott!
Why you abreviate your words?
Oh, just a hab.
Oh, I hate to lose that rabbit's foot.
Don't worry, I'll get it back for you. Now see here, if we could only get old Tootles to come forward and tell the truth, he can clear you.
You're just wonderful to go to all this trouble for a person you don't even know!
I feel like I've known you always.
That's funny, I do, too.
Perhaps we've met before.
Perhaps. When I was Queen of Babylon, and you were a Christian slave.
Well we've met this time and we're going to be pals.
That's it...pals.
Well, I'm blowed.
Those gay young parties still hanging around?
Mr. Budd, I'm going home. I set the alarm for nine o'clock.
Might as well talk to a bloomin' Hegyptian Spink.
Who was that knocking?
George's man, Briggs, he only comes in for the day.
Are you going to hunt for Tootles now?
Yes, I am off to find Tootles.
What shall I do?
You stay right here.
How long?
All night. It's terrible sloppy outside, besides Simms is snooping around and would be very suspish if you went out now.
But where shall I sleep?
In George's room.
In George's room?............and where is George?
Went out to avoid some girls I had up here. Hates girls....George does.
You mean he's coming back?
Of course he is, but you must explain that he is to come over and sleep on the sofa at my place.
Oh I see. He won't object.
Not a bit...George will do anything for me. You see, I saved his life once. By the way are you hungry?
No, but I'm dreadfully tired.
Well, turn in and make yourself comfy. George may be very late.
All right. You had better leave me now or the Inn will be closed.
You're right. I'll pop around in the morning and report any success. I'm on my search for Tootles.
Thank you.
I'm going down the back way, so Simms won't see me.
All right.
Good night.
Good night.
So George hates girls...Oh, boy.
>Well, they're better than nothing.
Are you Mr. Budd? How do you do. I'm your wife.
Jim was right in having a nervous breakdown.
I was afraid it would be a rather shock to you, but Mr. Marvin said you wouldn't mind.
Are you real?
Why, of course.
Well, just to make sure, would you mind if I pinched you?
Indeed I would. You see, I climbed into your rooms to save myself from the police.
The police?
Yes, I was mixed up in a fight. Not my fault.....and Mr. Marvin thought it was safer for me to stay here all night.
Oh, he did?
Yes, and he said you were to sleep at his house.
Oh, that nice comfortable sofa...horse hair...with three broken springs, I suppose.
I believe he did mention a sofa.
Tell me. Who did you say you were when you came in?
Your wife. That was Mr. Marvin's inspiration also when the police insisted on searching the place.
Great scott!
You're not angry?
Not with you, but I'd like to wring Jim Marvin's infernal neck.
I hope you don't mind me wearing your pajamas?
My pajamas?
Yes, aren't they yours?
Well...in sort of a way.....they're mine.
In a sort of way.
Well----er---you see, I don't wear them myself.
OH Geo........I'm afraid Jim doesn't know you as well as he thinks he does.
Why....nothing of the sort...Why, really you don't understand.
Good evenin' hope I ain't buttin' in.
Oh!
Gave you a start, didn't I, Missy? You seem kinder scared.
Well, it naturally frightened me seeing a strange man walk in like that. Ask him what he means by intruding on our privacy, darling?
What?
You, Mr. Budd?
Yes.
This Mrs. Budd?
Why, of course, I'm Mrs. Budd.
I ain't interferin' with your nest, so come off your perch.
Why....ye....yes.
Didn't I just tell you I was Mrs. Budd?
Well, I thought maybe you was lying.
George, are you going to stand there and let this man insult your wife?
MY wife wouldn't lie, Constable.
No?
No, she has too much honor.
Too much on her? If she had on much less I'd pinch her.
Will you kindly go?
Just one question...Has she got a mole on her back?
I don't know.
Don't know?
Well, we haven't been married long.
Oh...oh.
What do you want the woman for?
For assaulting me. I got a warrant for her arrest.
But surely, you don't think this...er...my wife insulted you?
Not if she is your wife. Feller down stairs told me you were a
bachelor.
He's right...I was.
When did you go wrong?
Today.
Today? I'm telling you straight, young man, I don't believe you.
You don't? Wait....Here's my Marriage Certificate.
Marriage Certificate....That's right.... That's the Union Label...Doggone it..That settles it.... I apologize. I am sure buttin in
Say the pajamas of yours certainly are becoming. Think I'll have to get some for my old woman.
What a splendid idea....always carry a Marriage Certificate in your pocket. You never can tell when it will come in handy, can you? I'm so grateful....I don't know how I can ever repay you.
I'd better be going now....
You've been so good to me...and after turning you out of your room, too. It doesn't seem fair.
That's all right...don't mention it again.
Thank you all the same.
Nine o'clock, Mr. Budd.
Nice time to be wallowing in bed.
Good morning.
Lovely, sir.
I want to see Mr. Budd.
What name?
Carter. Judge Carter.
I'm afraid sir he's still in the arms of Morpheus.
Get him out of them right away.
Yes Sir
Who insists on seeing him.
Who insists on seeing you. Do you wish the gentleman to come in?
He's a mighty sound sleeper.
If he is sleeping.
What do you mean?
The key hole isn't stopped up any way
GOOD HEAVENS! You surely don't think.......
Acted very strangely last night he did. Had a look about him like
But he has just become engaged to my daughter.
Ah, that may account for it. I was afraid he might have done something
rash.
What are you doing there, Briggs?
Are you Mr. Budd?
Yes.
I am Judge Carter.
Judge Carter? I am glad to meet you
That will do, Briggs.
Yes, sir.
Mr. Budd, my daughter Lou Ellen informed me early this morning that you and she were engaged, and I dropped in to meet you.
Do you think this is an auspicious moment?
Not very. I've been out all night with some old class mates and only had an hour of sleep. I want to ask you a few questions right now.
Suppose we take a spin in your motor? The fresh air will do your headache good.
What do you mean, my headache?
I beg your pardon, I mean my headache.
Well, why not my headache, I'm sure it's a damn site more of a headache than yours.
My headache begins at the soles of my feet and gets worse all the way up.
Get your coat and come along.
All right.
Why not?
It's in my bedroom, and I can't go in there.
Can't go in your own bedroom?
Well you see...er...no...
Young man, what have you got in your bedroom?
Why...er....chemicals.
What? Tell me....are you going to keep explosives in your bedroom after you are married?
I hope it won't be necessary.
Is it dangerous to go in there?
Very. It's filtering through. Mustn't be jarred..even walking across the floor might cause a catastrophe.
Young man, I think we will meet at some other place later on.
Anywhere you like, sir.
By the way..Lou Ellen informed me she was bringing her mother here a little later on.
Bringing her here?
But I shall head them off.
Yes...do...it wouldn't be safe for them here.
Come in.
Hello, George, are we early?
Very early.
Jim said you had invited us to the Country Club for luncheon.
To the Country Club? Did I?
Of course, you did...yes....sure.
George, introduce me to the man with the India Rubber Face.
Ladies, this is Judge Carter.
Hello, Judge, glad to know you......ad lib.
Ladies,
Bless my soul if ere isn't them little Parties again.
What's that, Briggs?
Your breakfast is laid out in the Dining Room, Sir.
I'm so hungry.
You're always hungry.
There's quite a good sized omelette, sir.
Good for you, Jiggs....
My eye! What is the Master coming to?
My eyes never saw such gluttons hin hall my life.
Briggs, are you good at entertaining ladies?
Well, sir in my wicked days I was known as "Wicked Willie With the Winning Wink". I was rather a dog among the fair sex.
Well go in there and be a dog among them now. Snap at 'em----------bite 'em.
BITE! Eh? Me, sir?
Tell me are you all dressed?
Well hi ope to tell you hi ham, sir.
I wasn't talking to you. I was speaking to a lady in my bedroom.
My eye! A young lady in your bedroom?
Yes......have you any objections?
Yes, sir, I was raised respectable.
Good morning, George.
Good morning.
You wonderful man, I found this lovely breakfast jacket in your room --you seem to have everything.....enough to equip a bride in that little bag of yours.
My eye.
That will do, Briggs.
Yes, sir.
Compared to Jim Solomon was a woman hater.
So that's the idea....trying to queer me and boost your own stock.
Mornin, Jim.
Mornin, Jackey, here is a gown for you. I figured you'd want something besides that evening gown.
How thoughtful.
Sure, and I've got a clue who Tootles is
And what, my friends does the stars and stripes stand for? It stands for....why this is Tootle's speech.
Those are the papers. With them I am prepared to face the sneaking villain.
How will you find him?
Elementary...my dear Watson....the honeyed word.....the beaming
smile....Leave it to your Uncle Sherlock.
Briggs, go to the station and watch. If you see an elderly lady get off the train, hold her there. Tell her this place is being fumigated or something.
It could stand fumigating, too......if you ask me.
Here we are, Mother dear. This is George's apartment.
Wait a minute
All right.
Is Mr. Budd in?
Yes, ma'am.
There he is, Mother...hard at work...George
Oh, it's you, dear.
George, this is Mother.
How do you do Mother.
Good morning
Briggs, shut that window, it's rather chilly here.
My eye.
Won't you sit down?
I told Mother and Father about our engagement.
Tell me, young man, can you support a family?
How many of you are there?
Perhaps I should have begun with the question of Mr. Budd's morals.
My mor....my what did you say?
MORALS...M..O..R..A..L..S..MORALS. I presume you at least know
what they are.
I was brought up by a Quaker Aunt, and I try to live according to the rules laid down by the Quakers.
Oh, George, where are the rest of those delightful sandwiches we had last night.
Who...may I ask are these?
These ah, these. They are some friends of Jim Marvin's. Where is Jim?
Hey Geo.
What are you doing with those persons in your apartment, Mr. George Budd?
What's that?
George, there's a mouse in your room.
Mr. Budd, there seems to be ladies in every nook and corner of your apartment. What does this mean?
And to think I slept with it all night!
All night?
Stop
Your what?
My aunt......my quaker aunt.
Very funny.
Yes, we often laugh about it, don't we, auntie, ha...ha..
Yes...often...ha..ha..ha..
Oh, George, your aunt is so different from what I imagined.
Thought I was an old fluff with a cap and horn rimmed windshields, I suppose.
Quaker! Quaker!
Hast thou seen much of Quakers, child.
Only one or two, but very different from you.
Oh, well, they belong to the old part, I am a 1927 model.
Come, Lou, we are merely inviting contamination here. It is time we left.
Won't you come with us to the Country Club, Miss Budd?
Yes, please come.
Please do.
Come in.
Ah, there you are, my dear, I missed you.
I want to present my aunt, Miss Budd.
Tootles!
Tootles?
I beg your pardon but----------
What do you mean by Tootles?
Tootles is quaker for....HOW DO YOU DO.
Are you a quaker?
Yea, bo!
I must be going. I have to read an address at a meeting this afternoon.
Please don't go. I wish to converse with thee.
I'm sorry, but I must prepare my speech.
I do so want to know thy judge better.
Oh, do you? And I should like to know you better....much better.
Yes, I must tell you all about auntie as soon as we have time.
Thee never heard about me, friend, and I never heard about thee.
I'd have some explanation in the court of conservation, but it slipped from my mind as things do.
How peculiar.
My memory is awful...it's true.
Not a doubt of it.
Well, never mind..now's the time.
My, of course it is.
To show hospitality.
To show hospitality. Yes, we will show you round town today. We'll all be gay during your stay.
Or if you'd rather chat with Father, that is just for you to say.
So if you'd rather talk to Father, or would he be in the way?
Goodbye
You're not going?
Yes, I am. If Tootles is Judge Carter, he can square me with the
police.
But in those clothes?
You'll have to dodge into my hotel and get me a dress.
But where will you put it on?
Aren't there any woods between here and the courthouse?
Yes, then you won't need me.
Oh, yes, I do. I need you to hook me up.
Then come on.
Hey, one minute. Can't come in here without a ticket I tell you.
I've got to.
Say, if you're trying to invite trouble, just say R.S.V.P.
No thanks, I've had enough fightin for one day.
Been fightin, have you?
A woman hit me in the eye. Now I must tell Mr. Budd she escaped.
Escaped? You talk like she was a tiger.
That's wot she was. Any time the dentist wants a plan of her teeth, he'll find it on my arm.
Maybe it's the same woman I'm looking for. Give me her description.
Rather pretty eyes.
What color?
Same as mine.
Eyes...A watery blue. Ears?
Same as mine.
Aeroplane ears. Color of hair?
Same as yours.
Hair a beautiful brown.
My eye! I'll talk to you afterwards.
You won't find Mr. Budd in there.
No?
No. That's the ladies' swimming pool.
The ladies' swimming pool? Don't you think I'd better take a peek to make sure?
Come here.
Something tells me it's my duty to look.
Tain't no use. The swimming pool ain't in use today. I just looked.
Here you...tickets....where are your tickets?
Oh, it's Mr. & Mrs. budd.
SH.....SH.
How are you, Mrs. Budd?
Splendid, thank you. What are you doing here?
I'm here to keep an eye on those silver cups and prizes.
Oh, of course.
Mrs. Budd...I've been thinking a lot about them pyjamas of yours.
Constable...please!
That's all right...we're all married folks, ain't we? Took my eye ..... them pyjamas did...told Mrs. Simms about 'em....She says she'd like to have the pattern.
All right, you shall have it.
I can't remember where I put them, Love.
How many are there?
I don't know...Let's see.
Have you caught the woman who assaulted you yet, Constable?
No, but I will.
Great Scott! If anyone hears him calling you Mrs. Budd, we're sunk.
You did the silliest thing when you introduced me as your aunt. You should have stuck to Jim's story.
Good heavens what are you two turtle doves doing here?
Oh it's you.
I've found Tootles.
Where is he?
He's somewhere in the clubhouse. He's here with his wife and daughter.
Isn't that great?
Yes she'll be all right..I was thinking of myself.
Don't worry if your luck is bad it's bound to turn.
Oh yes my luck turns and bites me.
The original gloom.
And you're sunny Jim I suppose?
That's it Jackey and we'll go through life on the joy wagon. If you'll marry me.
I'll think about it.
Oh say..Why think..You've been slinging me all kinds of encouragement.
Isn't it funny? Give a man a smile and he thinks it gives him a right to murder every other male creature on your visiting list.
Oh here you are James I've been looking everywhere for you.
Well I've been in there.
What's that?
Oh nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Nothing.
Now see here, James.
Oh, nonsense.
I tell you he is. Why he seizes upon this golfing vistory as an excuse for a rowdy party.
I haven't time to discuss now. I must finish this speech.
I tell you, James Carter.
I wish you were going to make it. You have an endless flow of chatter.
What do you mean?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Nothing.
Nothing.
Oh, hello Judge, there is a young lady in the next room who wishes to see you again.
Cut the young lady stuff.
And who is this young lady who is anxious to see my husband again?
Just an admiree of his speeches.
I trust she will be able to enjoy the one he is to make this afternoon.
I doubt if I shall speak today. My headache is getting steadily worse.
Hello, Georgie.....where is that cute aunt of yours?
At home she is very modest and retiring.
She hasn't evidently spent much time in your society.
Oh, but she has...I used to say my prayers on her knee.
I understood you to say she was younger than yourself.
Oh...ah...well, a woman seems so much older than a man.
Save the women first.
Is that so? I hadn't noticed it.
Let's go out and watch Miss Wills at tennis, dear, come.
Mr. Budd, we have decided that you are not a fit companion for Lou Ellen. In the future you will refrain from addressing her. Should she be so unfortunate as to meet you. Any other communication you wish to have with her shall be through her father or myself. I am now going to retire to the tea room; I feel the need of a little refreshment.
Me, too.
You understand, Mr. Budd?
Yes ma'am.
Nothing.
Daddy..........
Go to your mother.
Judge Carter, I wish that you'd tell Lou Ellen that I shall wait
'till the final blast of Gabriel's trumpet for her. My love
shall never die.
Oh damn!
Well?
Nothing.
Hey come back here.....confound
that boy.
Good heavens!
How's the old bean?
Bean?
What with two quarts of wine and the bang it got in the scrimmage I
sadly fear
You have my speech. Give it to me.
What? Give up my wonderful souvenier of that wonderful evening. Oh, no.
How much?
$500.00....two diamond studded garters...a vanity case...200 cigar coupons.
Say when...say when.
A rabbit's foot and a copy of "WHAT A YOUNG GIRL OUGHT TO KNOW."
Where shall I get those things?
The policeman I helped you tackle grabbed my bag. In it are the articles mentioned.
You mean you will exchange my speech for your bag?
You have grasped the scenario of the drummer.
But, my dear...it would be better if you should return the speech first thereby relieving my mind from anxiety, and I would be better able to wrestle with the problem of recovering your lost bag and its contents.
Of course, I could trust you?
I have but one fault.
Yes. So has a dime with a hole in it.
I am honest in this, my dear.
Good. If you're trying to find out what size gloves I wear, they're sixes.
May I have it now, little girl?
Ah...ha...
Jim...this is Tootles.
Since you insist, I shall find the Constable and see if I can get around him. I shall ply him with refreshments....liquid refreshments. I have little hope...still a drowning man will clutch at a straw.
Especially when he's drowning his troubles.
No use...troubles like my own can swim.
Why did you let that old mugwump hold your paw?
Repugnant as it was to my modest girlish nature, I endured his
caresses that I might win his help in my dire predicament.
Then let us flee from this scene of degradation to some happier, sunnier clime.
Stop, Jim, stop. Remember I have a romantic, trusting nature, and you are carrying me away.
To Florida...where the orange trees are in bloom...where upon a grassy knoll we can lie and watch the evening star rising above... It's celestial.
And...the orange petals...tell me of the orange petals...and.
Yes. Cleopat.
Tell me about the orange blossoms.
We're not married yet.
Yah...us...ah.
Between us.
Yah...us...ah.
Whadda ya mean "Yah...us...ah"? Between us would lie the green- and......
Oh, Jim why do you want a sword between us?
Jackey...
The young bride dreamed of resting on the orange scented slopes of Florida, but alas, wakes up to find herself hitting the hay in Boulder.
Didn't you understand what I told you about? I said "Keep my aunt there at any cost."
My eye! I did, sir, at an awful cost.
I told you to act crazy if necessary.
Well, sir, I called her names...made faces...did monkey tricks.. but she kept calling out.."He's a maniac....he's a maniac."
Why didn't you lock her in the kitchen?
That's just where I left her, sir. Just as she picked up the flat iron.
Now, don't tell me she tried to hit you with it.
Oh, no, sir, I fancy she only wanted to smooth things over.
If she comes here, I'm lost.
So, George, you mustn't speak to me. You promised Mother you know...And you always said your promise was sacred.
That true, Briggs?
Sir?
Will you ask Miss Carter is she is aware there is a new moon this evening?
Please tell Mr. Budd I am.
Will you suggest to Miss Budd that she make a wish on the new moon.
Wish for wot, sir?
She knows what to wish for.
Mr. Budd suggests that you make a wish on the new moon, Miss.
Tell Mr. Budd I will.
The lady says "I will."
"I will" how sweet those words from those dear lips.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Oh, George.
Oh Miss Budd
How are you, Miss Carter?
Quaker! Quaker!
Hast thou been enjoying thyself?
Not a bit. Mother won't let me speak to George.
What have they got against the poor gink?
Gink?
A Quaker word........poor lad I should say.
How about the pajama pattern?
It's coming....it's coming.
Pajama pattern?
Thou shall have it, good man, I promise thee.
How's that?
I will even give thy good wife mine if thee will only beat it.
Thee. Why do you call me thee?
Yes, friend, of course. I called thee...thee. What should thee expect me to call thee but thee.
Wonder what Judge Carter put in them drinks he gave me? Oh, Mr. Budd, you remember that mole I was asking you about?
A...mole...dear?
Yes. A little animal that burrows under lawns. Have you caught it yet, Simms?
No....no...I asked you if she had a mole on her back.
I never heard of any.
Never heard? You don't find mole by listening for 'em...I mean a dark pimple.
Come with me, Simms. you need something to pull you together.
What's the matter with him?
Gone lame above the neck.
Do Quakers drink?
It is permitted in case of illness. I suffer terribly with a
REFLEX SURGASTRINORIUM.
Since you are feeling badly, I will see that you get a comfortable chair.
I thank thee, my child. Thee shall get a star in thy crown for this.
I don't want it I tell you. I've had enough.
What ails thee, friend? Why are thou staring at me?
Gosh, I've got 'em.
Thou acts very strangely.
Don't act that way...can't stand it.
Hast thou a list of people at this gathering?
Why dost thou ask..Damn it, you've got me talking that way now.
Hush, thou must not swear. That is the same wicked word that poor creature used when I struck him.
Struck him? Tell me..have you got a mole on your back?
Sir?
You better answer...or painful as the duty will be.
If thou dares to try it.
No..no it couldn't have been you. It was a young one.
And to think how close I came to striking thee. It shows that there is still a lot of the old spirit in me.
Spirits? Lots of spirits in you?
Sir, I am a total abstainer. I cam hither to find my nephew.
What is your nephew's name?
George Budd.
GEORGE BUDD.
Yes, is he here?
Yes, he's in there with his wife.
Thee can't mean he's married?
I was introduced to his wife last night.
Surely thee must be mistaken.
Well, if I am, it's a pretty bad mistake. She was a sittin in his room in a pair of blue pyjamas.
Pajamas? Oh, this is terrible...my little Geo..... go send him quickly.
Yessum.
And if thee will bring in a glass of water. I am quite overcome.
I'll send you out some lemonade.
I thank thee. Tell Mr. Budd his aunt....Penelope Budd.
Miss Envelopy Budd
Gee, that's something nice in spring clothes.
I never could understand what cooks seen
in policemen.
My child, what has he done to thee?
Oh, the clumsy thing let my dog bite him once.
How terrible!
Wasn't it? He's been follish every since.
Poor policeman.
Not the policeman; my dog.
Miss Penelope Budd?
Here.
Mr. Budd ordered these for you.
Oh, how quick thou hast been.
Lemonade..that's good!
Yes, very. Will thee have more?
No, thanks, I prefer a Willie's dream.
Yes'm.
And not too much gin it it, little sun burst.
Gin?
A pitcher? Sure.
What are thee doing, my dear?
There. Are my lips on straight?
Thou art very comely. What a beautiful dress thou hast on. Dost thou always wear pretty dresses?
Not after three in the morning. They tell me that I am all to the mustard in my pajamas.
Do thee wear blue pajamas?
I wear blue on Thursdays.
Yesterday was Thursday.
And they are embroidered with Forget Me Nots.
George's favorite color.
Here's the handsome waiter, lady.
Waiter take that away from her. She's half boiled now.
Mr. Budd said, "Give her anything she wanted, Miss."
Oh, well girls will be girls.
Yep...just as long as boys are boys.
My poor misguided George.
I can't believe it. It makes my head swim.
I thought this was a room, but it's a merry go round. I haven't been on one since I was a child.
I think I'll sit on this horse.
A little undignified I suppose. Still you are only young once.
Hello, Georgie, say I'm going to get the brass ring. Why don't you sit on the horse behind me when it comes round?
That's all right, now you go to the ladies' room and lie down.
Now... I want to lay down right here.
But in there you can pull the shades and make it dark.
All ri...shay, George...you haven't got a pair of blue pajamas I could borrow? Whoopee! Oh Boy!
Oh, Mr. Budd, about them blue pyjamas....Mrs. Budd said she'd give my old Lady a pair. But here's the question...will they fit?
How on earth should I know?
Georgie, they've.
Sh...
What have you there, Constable?
Bag. Belongs to that female as assaulted me. If I can't trace her from this, my name ain't Ira Simms.
I wonder if you can?
What's that?
A pin.
That's funny. Here's a rabbit foot... The woman that owns this bag is superstitious, too.
Well, I'm not.
Why did you pick up that pin?
Pins are worth money. I know a man who makes six dollars a week picking up pins.
Gosh, how can he gather that many?
He works at a bowling alley.
Aw, shucks.
Jim, the most terrible thing has happened.
You are the original Campbell's soup kid...always getting in hot water. Now what is it?
My aunt is here.
Here in the clubhouse?
Yes.
Mother, come get your angel child.
They are coming over the plate a bit fast, aren't they?
Life is too complicated for me. I wish we were back in the Gold age.
The stone age. I'd be running from you two cavemen now.
George?
Outside quick.
It's getting thicker.
Yes, darling.
I have some questions to ask you.
Questions?
I went to the Ladies' room just now and sat on the sofa... or rather I should have sat upon the sofa... instead I sat on a solid subtance which proved to be a woman's head.
Terrible! We must notify the police at once.
Raising the curtain I found it to be the head of your aunt, Miss Penelope Budd.
Ha...ha...I understand now. When you say my aunt Penelope...you mean my other aunt Penelope.
Other aunt Penelope?
Yes. You got them mixed. Named after each other. The one you sat on is my great aunt. Good creature, but a little touched up here.
She seemed very level headed to me.
Yes? Well I never sat on her head myself.
Answer me. Who was this woman in the blue pajamas?
Blue pajamas?
You heard what I said. My pajamas!
Stop, Mr. Budd, not a word. Remember you were forbidden to speak to Lou Ellen.
Please tell her all will be explained.
When?
Oh...who knows?
I'll go see Mother. My future happiness depends on her.
Where's that speech you were writing?
I've got ten words written and my brain feels like an over-boiled cauliflower.
Now young man, I'm going to ask you few questions and I want no falsehoods, do you understand?
Falsehood? Why I don't even know what the word means.
You don't? Tell him, James...you know.
I got the old woman's dimensions right here. Over all 68 inches... hips 44. bust 32. Now tell me your ladies' bust measure.
Your ladies' bust measure?
This is a game you've seen those ads covering Annette Kallerman with Venus De Milo inch by inch.
I have often.
What!
[Illegible]
Simms and I had an argument, and we're taking the measurements of our ideal woman.
These ain't the measurements of my ideal woman...not by a damn sight.
Mother, ask him who that woman is he calls his aunt.
Mrs. Budd...one minute please.
MRS. BUDD.
Simms I fear thee has been looking in the amber cup again.
Is this what you wrote, Miss?
What does the stars and stripes stand for? This is it.
Ye, gods! My speech.
Something wrong about all this.
The maniac. There he is.
MY EYE.
So that's the maniac. Here Judge, hold this.
I'll catch him.
My bag.
Oh, Georgie, has that man frightened me.
There. There, Auntie, you've had a bad dream.
George, thee says I dreamed I was attacked by a maniac. Did I also dream that you are married?
Yes, Auntie...I am married...here's my wife!
Lou Ellen? You and Lou Ellen married?
You told me this one was your wife.
NONSENSE. That's the wife of Jim Marvin...at least she's going to be.
That's the first time Geo. has told the truth today.
Do you know, Jim I'll bet that boy could eat garlic...then lie out of it.
I see, George, I'll have to be a little firm with you.
A little firm? Good.....let's incorporate right now.
OH BOY!