Publication Information
Information about the source
Everything White but Arch R. Amber is used here. Bunch and
strips are on in
House R. until after Church Song. Then off.
1st Change.
The ceremony is almost over.
They're married.
Look, the people are pouring out of the church. See there are the bridesmaids.
Is everything ready?
Yes.
Boris is not one to forgive mistakes anywhere, much less at his own wedding, eh, Petrov?
Don't I remember poor Olga. She was young and pretty, too. Just like a little Katinka is now. Little Katinka, I hope she'll be happier than the first Madam Strogoff.
Shame on you, to be talking like an old raven.
Say what you will, the old Russian proverb is right.
Proverb?
When December marries May, the love birds fly away.
How can you look in the face of Katinka and say she's not happy!
Will she be able to look in the face of Ivan and say she is happy?
Ivan! Why she's forgotten him.
Forgotten him?
Well, from what we hear of Ivan's life in Vienna, he'll be the last to care.
Look, look, it is Ivan Dimitri.
Ivan coming to the wedding? The insolence!
Were you at the church?
A charming bride.
You are right. Boris Strogoff has picked the sweetest flower in Yalta. I wish him joy.
It doesn't seem as though his heart is breaking.
The open laugh oft drowns the secret sob. I admire his pluck.
I admire his nerve. He should have stayed away.
Hello, Varenka! Scowling, and on a night when everyone should smile.
You seem to find it easy.
And why not? They tell me Katimka makes a most happy bride so let the world be gay.
Gaiety seems to be the principal thing you brought home with you from Paris.
Do you think so?
Are the Vienna ladies then, so much dearer than we?
Well not eactly dearer; rather, I may say, nearer.
Nearer!
I mean they know just how to keep cool without being chilly.
Just what do you mean by that?
I wish you'd explain yourself.
Very well.
The Wedding Party approaches.
My gracious master, according to the custom of my forefathers I give into your hands the symbol of your power and token of my obedience to your slightest wish.
The obedience you do offer, thus
do I deign to accept.
What would you have me do?
What favor shall I ask?
A kiss.
A dance.
A song.
Katinka, sing.
Wasn't she beautiful?
My daughter, isn't she beautiful?
Well, for my part, I don't like the ceremony of the whip.
Neither do I.
Well you see, it is an old custom that used to symbolize the true meaning of marriage. Now, in our time Boris!
In our time, you mean in your time, mama.
Mama? I like that.
Well, as they say in Russia, you have lost a daughter, but you have gained a son.
Fair exchange is sometimes robbery.
What is it?
I said fair exchange is no robbery.
And now, the beautiful mama, what were you saying?
I said in my time we took a man to be our lord and master; a husband took that for granted.
They take it for granted yet.
You're right, the things we take for granted are the things we soonest lose.
And you Ivan, I did not see you at the church, and as a punishment you must toast my bride.
Why certainly, with pleasure.
Varenka, some wine.
Boris Strogoff seems a happy man.
No one should know better than I how happy he should be, but as they say in America, "Laugh, and the world laughs with you"--
Snore and they won't let you sleep.
Are you sure that is the exact quotation?
Certainly, I had it from an American himself.
An American?
Yes, the gentleman we met in Vienna. His name is Hopper.
Hopper?
Yes, Thaddeus T. Hopper, most genial, and so wholesome.
And so fresh.
Fresh?
As an ocean breeze. By the way, Petrov, you have an eye open for him.
He's coming to the wedding?
Yes.
Think of it, an American.
That means he's rich.
Very.
I must polish up my vocabulary.
You needn't, he'll do all the talking. But he's charming, and his wife ---
He's married then?
Yes. Oh, don't let that worry you, these Americans have very large hearts. Petrov, look out for him.
I will.
Where did you meet him?
I meet him at the Cafe in Vienna.
Ah, Hopper! I'm glad you've come.
Just a minute, look at all the pretty girls - give me room.
Say, where did I get the idea that Russia was only famous for its caviar. Well, introduce me.
I beg your pardon.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my dear friend from America, Mr. Thaddeus T. Hopper.
B'n swan--whatever that means.
Charmed.
Charmed.
Charmed over here, too. Well is the big show over?
Show?
I mean am I too late for the ceremony?
You've just missed something most interesting.
Yes, what was it?
The ceremony of the whip.
The whip?
Yes.
Why they don't use the whip in our country until two years after the wedding.
Two years afterwards?
Or at least just before the divorce.
Well, for my part Mr. Hopper, I'll never say love, honor and obey to any man.
That's quite possible. Say listen, girls. Opportunities come when least expected.
I am afraid you are somewhat of a joker, Mr. Hopper.
Joker?
Yes.
Well, I wouldn't mind being a joker running wild in a deck like this, if someone would only keep shuffling the cards.
Ha, ha, ha!
Who said that? But what's the use of shuffling, when every card's a queen. That means you --
That means you alone.
Mr. Hopper, are you really married?
Well, I'm on my vacation.
I'm afraid Ivan told the truth about you.
No. What did he say?
He said, you were so bright and so fresh.
Oh, he told you that, did he?
Yes, now we know what one means, when one speaks of you windy Americans.
Windy?
No, no. Breezy.
Breezy that's better.
Is it true, that you Americans are always in a hurry?
Oh, no. Oh no! You see sometimes we pass ourselves, then have to wait until we catch up to ourselves.....
and in the meantime, we rest.
Hello!
Well?
Excuse me, I'm in a hurry.
The idea.
It's a good thing you called me back, I'm an American, my card.
Now that we are acquainted, my name is Hopper.
You life saver, introduce me.
Certainly, Countess Verenoff, may I present my friend Mr. Thaddeus T. Hopper.
Mr. Hopper.
Countess -- I -- I am charmed.
There's a cool breeze blowing.
Yes, that's from the Black Sea yonder.
Well, well, isn't it blue, the Black Sea? I thought it was the Arctic Ocean.
I'm always mixed up in my georgraphy, when I'm travelling.
Yes, perhaps you will be able to find your bearings in the garden. They are serving refreshments there. Bon soir, Signore.
San Diego, Nellie.
I said they are serving refreshments in the garden.
I think I will go home and finish my packing.
Yes, I move we go.
Another thing I move.
Motion-over-ruled.
Ivan, you're not going without introducing your friend to me.
We're in a hurry.
Don't you believe him. I'm never in a hurry.
She's much warmer than the other.
Madame Strogoff.
Madame!
May I present my friend from America, Mr. Thaddeus Hopper?
Am I to understand then, that this is the bride?
Yes, this is the bride.
Accept my very best wishes for many happy re- that is I mean to say -- I'm charmed. Do you know -- I'd like to meet your husband!
Yes?
I have a great curiosity to see the man selected by Heaven to own such happiness.
That's a very pretty speech.
I have a very pretty subject.
Go, my boy! Of course Ivan warned me I was to see the loveliest bride in Yalta.
Oh he said that, did he?
Yes, yes. We had a saying "Follow Ivan and you can't go wrong," and they did. Married women and all.
That isn't the way I heard it.
No?
Follow Ivan and you're sure to go wrong.
Oh, a lot of unfounded gossip.
I don't know my boy, you did show me a few regular nights.
Yes, but that was afterwards.
Afterwards?
After I knew that a woman's word can be as easily broken as the paper upon which it is written.
Oh, I remember, he did get a jolt from some fair Russian honey bee.
I thought I knew pretty well all about Ivan's love affairs.
Oh, there was some little girl who promised to marry him and
then at the last moment sent all his presents back and married
I know Russian girls pretty well -- I'm afraid Ivan deserved it.
Deserved no answer to letters for months and months. No explanation of any kind. Nothing but a curt note from her mother announcing her engagement to another man.
Ivan, what are you saying?
I'm telling you the truth. I wrote you letter after letter begging for an explanation of your silence.
I never got them, and I wrote you week after week, and never a reply.
Then we've been duped, cheated.
Ivan -- is this the little girl you wanted to drown yourself for?
Drown himself?
He was strong for the river, but I convinced him that wine was in much better taste, which I had to pay for, I'm sorry if I started something that you can't finish -- but I'm afraid that in cases of this kind, two heads are better than three.
Remember Ivan, our boat sails in half an hour. So Madam, as you would say in your beautiful language, Goodnight owich -- Goodbye ovich!
Oh, Ivan, have I permitted to think ill of you and you of me unjustly?
Little girl you know I've never had a serious thought for any woman in the world but you.
I see how they schemed it all, your appointment to Vienna, your letters which Varenka never brought me, my letters to you which Varenka never posted. Oh, Ivan -
Katinka!
What shall we do?
There's nothing to do, nothing to say, but goodbye.
No, not yet.
I must talk to you for just a little while. I want you to know that never for one moment have I forgotten you. Why, the day I gave all your pretty presents to mother to return, I thought I should die of crying-- I ---
And the day I received them I thought I should go mad.
I sent them all, all but the little white pigeons you gave me last Easter, I just couldn't give them up.
And Ivan, what do you think -- she's found a mate.
She has?
Yes, a big handsome fellow, every day he comes from somewhere and tells her how he loves her. You should see them.
Why there they are now!
Then after all you still love her.
Why, of course I love her, how can I ever bear this!
Courage, my boy, courage!
Girls, don't eat my pie.
Ivan, I'm nine courses ahead of you. What's wrong, got a headache? A moment ago you were as gay as a summer widower and now you look like the father of twins. What's wrong, eh?
It's Katinka.
Katinka! Oh, the bride.
Yes.
I thought I'd forgotten, but seeing her again and knowing that she still loves me --
What? On her wedding night she tells you that she loves you?
Here where I stand.
That's going some. In America we wait at least until the honeymoon.
Don't say that word to me. The thought of it kills me. I think I shall go mad!
Yes, he does look a bit of a bear. I must confess boys, it's an awkward situation. But are they really married?
Yes, in the church, didn't you hear the bells, those awful bells?
Yes, no wedding bell rings, without it sounds the knell of some poor old also-ran.
But can't something be done? You are an American, you can think quickly; help me save her, is there no way out?
There's no quick way out of marrage, boy, except strychnine, or a pair of white wings, and either way it's a bit risky.
Is there no way out?
Not a ghost of a chance.
Yes! There's one ghost of a chance.
What do you mean?
Olga!
Boris Strogoff's first wife?
Yes.
But she's dead.
Yes, but I've seen her ghost.
Come over here, Hamlet.
I was the servant in the Strogoff family when he married pretty
Olga Andranovia ten years ago. She ran away, and in Circassia
Then if she's still alive this marriage is illegal.
Then Katinka can be saved.
Not unless we can prove that Olga is not dead.
Petrov will swear to it.
All he can swear to is that she was alive three years ago.
Then we must search and find her.
Yes, and if she is still alive and living in Izzet -- what's- his-name's palace, how long will it take for you to establish that fact?
In one short week. I ---
In one short nothing. Whatever is to be done to save the situation must be done now and tonight.
Yes, now and tonight.
Hold the towel.
Gather around me, children, now let me think. I have it, we'll hide Katinka.
You know nothing of Russia and her police or you wouldn't talk of hiding her.
That's right. I've got to think again. Let me see.
I've got it. Do your friends know that I am married?
Yes.
Do they know if my wife is here in Russia with me or not?
No.
Then I'll take Katinka out of Russia.
Without a passport?
I have a passport.
A passport?
For my wife and myself.
Do you mean that Katinka will go with you as Mrs. ----
Yes, as Mrs. Thaddeus Hopper. Quick boy -- Look boy-
You go and secure some extra accomodations.
For Ivan and myself?
No, you must take the rival boat which leaves an hour later and we'll all meet in Constantinople.
But do you realize you are asking to travel, with a young lady---
What's the matter with you, you old fluff, I love my wife.
Hopper, your scheme is great, if ---
If what?
If Katinka will consent.
I will find a chance to ask her.
Listen, here are the plans. She's to enter her chamber, put on her travelling dress, slip from the house, get into the carriage which you will have waiting, and call for me here as my wife.
Very well.
Hopper, you're a wonder!
No, only an American. There's only a few of us left.
The Dancers!
Will she consent?
Yes, she consents.
Ah, Mr. Hopper, I did not see you among the diners. I trust you are not bored?
Bored! I'm having the time of my life.
Will you join me in a glass of wine?
Why certainly!
Here's to Katinka, the sweetest flower in Yalta.
And to the lucky man who shall wear her beauty near his heart.
Here's hoping!
It's getting late--I'll have to go. My wife I fear is slow.
No, she's here.
Then I'll go!
Pardon, but is this Izzet Pasha's harem?
What?
The Harem of Izzet Pasha, is it?
Yes, Izzet's.
Well, well! You wish to see me?
Yes, it is about some girls. They must sing and dance, a specialty for my new Cafe.
I see, I see. Abdul, send Nashan.
Nashan! Who is she?
She has charge of the girls. She speaks many languages, French, English, Russian, Italian---
For a woman one tongue is a plenty.
Ah, Nashan! Meet my friend Signor Knopf, from Paris.
Charmed.
I'm over-powered.
He wishes to hire some dancing girls; we can spare some?
No. We haven't any at present, but we are expected some from Circassia.
Are they all as pretty as that one?
I have nothing but beauties.
That's nice. If nobody else I take her absitively.
Nashan, you may go.
Who's the Billiken?
That is Halil. It is he who secures for us the prettiest girls from Circassia. Halil, meet my friend Herr Knopf.
How do you do?
Nashan tells me you are expecting some girls from Circassia.
Yes, there is a boat due today. I'm going to get them.
He is the funniest fellow I ever saw.
He's the life of Stamboul.
(Xes to harem L., stands with folded arms looking at audience)
Well, well, boys, I'm glad to see you, but when did you leave Vienna?
The day before yesterday. We only arrived this morning.
And where are you staying?
Two streets over, at the Hotel Pera.
But the rest of the party, Mr. and Mrs. Hopper?
Mrs. Hopper's here, we're expecting Mr. Hopper today.
Didn't they come together?
No, he went to Yalta with a young Russian he met at your hotel, named Dimitri.
Ivan Dimitri.
Yes, he was to join us here at Stamboul. His boat is due today.
But where is Mrs. Hopper?
Here's Mrs. Hopper now.
Ah, Madam Hopper, how are you? I'm glad to see you.
What are you doing so far from Vienna?
Business, pure business.
Pure business?
Well, you see, business with me means business. But why didn't you come to this hotel?
My husband arranged that I should stop at the Pera.
Ah, but this is ever so much better. You will find everything modern here, just like my place in Vienna, and besides, this is right in the heart of Stamboul. There, for instance, is a genuine Turkish harem.
Oh, a real live gracious to goodness- - -
The exterior decorations are pretty.
Allow me, Mrs. Hopper, to introduce Arif Bey.
Sap-al lar summe, sus stelby, un a fende, salaam.
I second the motion.
Mrs. Hopper is from America.
America? The land of beautiful ladies.
I am in ecstasy.
This gentleman is the keeper of Izzet Pasha's harem.
Oh, the harem! I'm just crazy to see the inside of a harem.
Maybe we can arrange it.
Can you?
For eyes like yours, I could arrange anything.
Never mind, never mind.
But to go on the inside of a harem, that is a forbidden fruit.
But I thought that was your long suit?
What?
Serving forbidden fruit. How, couldn't you, sort of, fix it?
Maybe, we shall see.
Maybe?
In the meantime, trust in Allah.
I wouldn't do it.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Praised be Allah!
Isn't he nervous?
That's a Turkish emotion.
I thought it was a Turkish Delight. What is this "Trust in Allah?"
I'd rather trust Allah than trust him.
So would I. Just the same, if he can arrange it, I'm going into the harem.
Ah, but your husband wouldn't like it.
But my husband isn't here.
The boys were just telling me he was in Russia.
Yes, he's been away from me for three weeks. It's the first time we've been seperated since we were married.
Poor fellow.
Poor fellow?
I mean, how lonesome he must have been.
He's written and cabled me every day, bless his little heart. Isn't that good of him?
It's just like him all but the face.
But to think of him ill and lonesome on that old boat with no one to look after him.
No one to look after him? You don't know these Russian girls!
Oh, I could trust him anywhere, and besides, when we're on shipboard he's always terribly ill and sticks to his cabin.
How sweet of him!
Bet your life it's sweet.
Ach du lieber!
Are you leaving me?
Nothing bores a man so much as to hear a woman tell him how much she loves her husband. Good-bye!
At that he's right. Many a man has lost a perfectly good wife by allowing her to bore his friends too long. Hubby dear, I think you'd better hurry home.
Here we are, in the land of Mecca cigarettes. We can't do anything until Petrov and Ivan come. Their boat was landing just behind us. In the meantime, you had better take a room at the hotel, and I'll register under some fake name and we'll fool them.
Oh no! That won't do! We must keep the name on the passport.
Oh no! Oh no! This is as far as you can go on my name!
You see that man over there?
Yes.
Russian Secret Service.
Serves him right.
He saw our passports as we left the boat. If I drop the name now, I'm lost.
But, Katinka, I've a wife who's liable to come here.
Your reservations, you have not made yet?
We want -- --
A suite of two rooms.
Yes, two sweet little rooms.
Two rooms, and the name?
The name is - - -
Hopper.
Two rooms for Mr. and Mrs. - - - -
Thaddeus T. Hopper.
Thaddeus T. Hopper.
The T stands for trouble.
You didn't miss a thing, did you? Not even my middle initial.
Neither did the spy. Did you see how he listened? Whatever we do about Olga must be done at once.
You're right. We are living on the crater of a volcano and if my wife ever drops in on us--
it will be all over but the lava.
But you can explain to her.
I can explain? Oh no! You shall explain!
She will be proud of you!
Oh, she'll be proud of me all right.
You're a hero!
I'm a hero, but I'll be just as well satisfied if she never learns just how much of a hero I am.
Number 13 is now ready.
You picked a lucky one, didn't you?
Will you be shown to your rooms?
What?
Yes. Don't be frightened.
You won't be long?
No, I'll be up in a little while and bring the trunks with me.
Don't worry. I shall keep your secret.
You know it then?
You've all the symptoms.
What?
Just married.
Oh, yes, yes, yes --married! That's right, you're wrong again, you big hunk.
But you can rely on me to help you.
Yes, I see your helping hand. Here's an Asiatic nickel for you. Now for this, you will keep our secret? If anyone should ask you, say you know we've been married for ages.
You will, of course, have your dinner served in your room?
Oh yes, of course.
And the twin beds------
Oh!
Oh, then I'll have them removed.
No! Leave one for her, - one little one.
Don't worry. I'll keep your secret. Newlyweds, ha, ha, ha!
That fellow has a face like a fish.
Hopper! Wait a minute.
Ivan! I'm glad to see you -- you and your little blue jacket. We've got to work fast; there's Izzet Pasha's harem over there.
Then all we've got to do is see if Olga's still there.
That's all we've got to do, but how are we going to do it?
Suppose you just go in there.
Stand back!
I'm not going to let a little thing like a harem frighten me.
Maybe the girls are out. What'll I say?
Can you say something in Turkish?
Can I talk Turkish? Easy! Mogulio, Fatima, Turkish towelio.
Maybe the girls are not home.
Whoa whoa, you harem scarems. My, how the gold dust twins have grown. The one with the mustache is turning pale. The future looks very dark. I know their weakness. Shoot a nickel!
But is there no way out?
Didn't you see me come out? First we must find some way in.
But I must find Olga!
Ivan -- Ivan -- Abdul tells me there is a girl still in the harem who answers Olga's description!
Then we'll stay here. Some time she's bound to come out!
No! Whatever we do must be done at once. I have learned that Boris has followed on his yacht, and he may land any minute.
If he lands, he'll land on me, and Katinka's registered here as my -- Oh, my Lord!
Now, none of us can ever hope to go in there.
In where?
In there!
In the harem?
Tell him!
He was in.
Not only was I in, but I cam out! I saw both of them! Gillettes that long. But I drove them back again.
But Katinka can go in.
Yes! How?
Abdul tells me they are now landing some Circassian Dancing Girls for the harem. We'll let Katinka pose as a Circassian Dancing Girl.
Why?
So she can go with the others into the harem.
Fine!
With the photograph I have given her, she will easily recognize Olga, if she's there. Now here's a Circassian dress I bought for her.
Ivan!
Katinka!
Tell her our plans. Be careful now, remember she's married.
She shall be married to me.
That'll make three.
Three?
Boris, Ivan, and me.
You?
Oh yes! She's registered here as Mrs. Hopper.
Ah, that is well.
Well enough for her, but I'm getting heart failure.
Porter, front! Stop! Whoa! Is there an American bar anywhere around here?
Over there, around the corner, I'll show you.
A cup of Turkish coffee might help.
To bridgegrooms I always recommend-----
Oh -- behave yourself.
Abdul! Abdul!
Now, remember, the young lady is to be taken to join Halil and his dancing girls.
But can she dance?
No, but she can sing.
But if she is not beautiful, Halil will not consent.
She's there.
Allah! An angel! But does she consent?
Ivan, will she join the Circassian Dancing Girls?
Yes, I will do it.
You hear?
So up to your old tricks again?
You've been eavesdropping!
I have not---only listening!
Then you know of the new bird of Paradise?
Who is she?
Tell me, who is that angel?
That is the bride of a rich American.
An American?
His name is Hopper--newly married.
(He exits hotel R.U.E.)
And yet he wants to get rid of her.
Poor little thing!
We won't pity her until we've seen her husband.
Nashan!
By the sacred beard of Mahomet's prophet, what are you two gabbing about?
A pretty wife!
Of a rich American.
Well, what of it?
He wants to get rid of her.
She must be homely.
Homely? She's a pippinette!
You interest me. What's her name?
Hopper.
Hopper, Hopper. That's the name -- I met her.
You saw her?
I was introduced to her right here. The lady was looking for forbidden fruit, and she expressed a most peculiar desire to see the inside of a harem. I have an idea. Go find this man Hopper, Abdul-- bring him here to me.
I run with the feet of a camel.
Nashan, go prepare a room for the lady. And another thing, it is quite possible that Media will take some girls on the five o'clock train; if so, it is well that you should go to guard them.
Oh, please don't send me away from here.
Bosh, nonsense! The word of Arif Bey must not be questioned. Go!
Porter, did you have a Mr. Hopper registered here?
Yes.
This morning?
Their luggage came on the boat from Yalta.
You see!
Who was with him?
His wife.
Can you swear to that?
Madam, you ask too much!
Did he act natural or nervous?
Naturally nervous. I think it was bride and groom.
I will see this bride and groom.
You wait in the reception room and I will find them for you.
Where are you taking me?
Into the harem.
Go right ahead.
It's harder to get in there than the Martha Washington hotel.
I'll go and see about other rooms.
But I couldn't think of moving here until my husband comes.
Nonsense! I'll go and see about the room -- I'll be right back!
Helen!
Thad! Darl---where have you been?
I have been lonesome, Helen. Look at me---I've been awfully lonesome.
Did she roll much?
How should I know?
How should you know? Well, if you don't, it's the first time in your life.
Helen!
Every trip we've ever made you've turned turtle on the slightest roll of the sea.
Oh, the sea!
Why, of course! What did you think I was talking about?
I thought you were talking about the ocean.
Thaddeus T. Hopper, come here!
Don't strike me, Helen.
I don't think you're well.
Oh, Helen, it was an awfully rough voyage.
I think you had better lie down a while.
Yes, I'll lie down, in your rooms, Helen, in your rooms.
Of course in my rooms--where did you expect?
Isn't that nice, Mrs. Hopper, your husband has already engaged rooms here.
Oh, oh! Police! Helen, I'm sick, I'm sick, Helen.
What did you do that for?
I shall explain it to you.
You see, dear, when I went over to the Pera and I found you were not in, I came over here to look for you and when I saw the place over here, the well in the yard,and the little dog with the cane---
I liked it ever so much better than the Pera, so I said to myself said I, "I'll get some good rooms for my little Helen -- as it were, and when you take a room as it were, you are taking some room.
Stop! Helen, look at the rugs, but don't buy any.
I knew you'd like it better here than the Pera.
STOP! Who are you?
Who I are?
Yes, who are you?
I'm Knopf!
Now, who are you?
I am Herr Knopf from the Cafe Turkois in Vienna. My card.
I don't want to know you twice. Well, I'm an American--my name is Hopper -- here's my card.
Where's the card?
You, you shrimp!
Step your watch -- step your watch!
What do you mean "Step your watch?"
Watch your step. I've been trying all morning to get your wife to come over here.
Oh, you have, have you?
That's very nice of you, but you see I beat you to it.
Oh -- oh -- oh ----
It's all right, Helen, let him laugh.
Laugh!
Anything my wife wants done, I'm the little boy that's going to do it.
You're a dear, sweet, thoughtful boy!
I've been doing more thnking in the last half hour than most men do in a lifetime.
Ah, Monsier Hopper, there is a gentleman in the waiting room and he is impatient to see you.
A gentleman to see me --- just a minute dear. It's just a little business. What's his name?
His name is Strogoff.
What?
Boris Strogoff!
Oh-o-o-o-
It's all right, it's all right -- it's my sea legs, the ocean, you know.
Tell him I'll be there in a little while.
In the meantime, Porter, send someone to the Hotel Pera for my trunks, and have them put in my husband's room.
Your husband's rooms?
Yes, Mr. Hopper's rooms.
Whatever is the matter with you?
Oh, it is a awfully rough voyage.
Why do you stand there like an imbecile? Do what the lady want you to do.
Yes, yes, of course, but-but----
I'll just take a run up and have a look at my rooms!
No, no, Helen--not yet! He has to take out the twins.
What?
The beds--the beds!
What are you talking about?
Well, you see dear, I had the rooms re-arranged with flowers, and buds, and roses, and the wall paper with string beans----
Ah, then you didn't forget it was our anniversary!
Oh, no! I didn't want you to see them until you could get the full effects.
You haven't been so sweet to me since we had our honeymoon.
I intend to be sweeter, Helen.
By golly, I bet he was some honeymooner.
He is yet.
Oh, I'm still there with that sentimental stuff.
Katinka, is she ready?
Yes, she's here.
Here I am! Do I look like a Circassian dancing girl?
You look like a Circassian angel. Here are the plans. You are to join Halil and his dancing girls and go with them into the harem. Have you Olga's photograph?
Yes, and if I ever get in, I will easily recognize her by that.
Then we must hurry.
His Highness, Arif Bey.
I've seen you before, in the window in a Greek restaurant.
No thanks, no more butter - - -
Bosh! Who is this gentleman?
Mr. Hopper.
Ah! Mr. Hopper! So harem-salam - salame.
Right back at him. Delicattessen! You want to see me?
Yes, about that little affair with your wife.
My wife?
Oh, that wife!
What?
I mean that's what you mean.
Is it true what I have been told? You wish to lose this little wife of yours?
Nothing would give me more pleasure.
It has occurred to you that it is a bit of a risk?
Oh, she's willing.
To be sure, but it also takes some trouble, and Americans are always willing to pay for little troubles.
Not willing, we have to pay. I got you stevedore. How much?
Well, just a small item. I don't care to talk about it.
Small as that--fifty cents--twenty-five cents? Check book for a nickel, fountain pen for a dime. Look out -- I'll walk out on you in a minute.
Well, we'll say in American money--a thousand dollars.
A thousand dollars? In our country it is so much for so much, but I see in Turkey it is so much for so little.
To get rid of a wife you do not want? It is a trifle!
I suppose so. Come over in the office. A friend of mine will see that she joins the girls at the wharf. What's the name?
Arif Bey. It is not necessary, we have made other arrangements. And permit me to say, Mr. Hopper, your wife is charming.
Thank you, Mr. Turkey. You Thanksgiving kid.
The wife of an American in my harem, it will be for my Pasha a sensation. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Hosh a lema!
Serves you right -- I hope he fires you!
What's that?
That's Halil and his Circassian dancing girls.
Where are they going?
He's bringing them here to the harem fountain.
Thaddeus, where are you going?
I'm going to get a bathing suit.
It is warm?
Terribly!
Ah, but there beneath Allah's sparkling fountain, it is cool. It is Fairyland!
I wish we had some of it out here. You know, you more than half way promised I should see this fairyland.
I haven't forgotten my promise. All has been arranged.
Arranged?
With your husband.
You know him?
As a special favor to him, I promised that you should see beyond that wall.
When?
Now!
Now?
Just a peek!
Just a peek!
She's mine!
Who's next?
Tell me, can all the girls do something?
Sure, anyone.
That little yellow one?
I'll take the whole show.
What does he mean?
She's in!
Monsieur Hopper, the gentleman refuses to wait any longer, he must see your wife.
Send him out -- I'll talk to him.
How's he going to see your wife, when she's in there?
I'll introduce him to my regular wife!
She's here?
She's been here all the time!
This wife of yours, you promised I should meet her.
Yes, of course. My wife -- Helen -- Mrs. Hopper.
I saw her talking to Arif a little while ago.
Did you see which way she went?
Knopf, see if she's in the hotel.
I'm looking for Mrs. Hopper--have any of you seen her?
She was here a moment ago.
Keep it up, keep it up -- you're doing nobly!
Nobly? What do you mean?
You're a wonder.
I really believe you know where she is.
I? Oh, no! You sly dog, she's safe in there!
I don't mean that one!
By Allah, how many have you?
I mean my real wife!
The lady I introduced to you a moment ago.
That's the one I mean!
You poor shadow of a Saracen simp, you have my wife locked up in that harem!
This dog of a Christian hires me to hide his wife, his bride of a day!
Then it was Katinka! I demand you to bring her out to me!
Yes, what's the idea?
This is not my wife. There's been a mistake.
She's my wife ---- I love my wife!
The spirit of Youth!
Fine, fine!
Waiter!
Let nothing go wrong tonight. I'm expecting two famous guests. The Russian Ambassador Boris Strogoff.
I met him in Constantinople.
And the beautiful American lady, whom all Europe is talking about, Mrs. Hopper.
Yes, her husband sold her to a Turk.
Ah, Mrs. Hopper, how do you do?
How do you do.
I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you've been having with your husband.
Oh, that's nothing. I merely found out that the real road to love was the rocky road to troublin'.
Helen if only before marriage there was some way of recognizing one's soul mate.
There is.
What is it?
Dance with him.
Dance with him?
Have you never watched an unhappily married couple trying to dance?
No!
You've missed something.
Ivan!
Ivan!
He was here a moment ago. Katinka, you look that way and I'll look this.
Sweetheart!
Any news of Olga?
Petrov wired me that he had left Constantinople with good news. He's due here tonight.
Every night I must sing here and every night I think I see the eyes of Boris staring at me.
Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure.
Quick, someone is coming!
No, no, I'll tip any waiter!
Hopper, you're going to see her again!
Who, my wife?
No, Katinka!
Oh!
Oh, Mr. Hopper.
Not that I am not happy for you two, you understand. I like you, both of you.
You the most, but I love my wife.
Haven't you made up yet?
Made up, I haven't even caught up.
But Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure.
Yes, he left Constantinople with good news.
Good news from Constantinople, it can't be done.
Nevertheless he has learned that Olga is still alive.
Where is she?
He doesn't know, but he has learned that she is somewhere here in Vienna.
Good, if she's......
Ah, Mr. Hopper, how do you do?
Out of my way, you made me lose my wife you pretzel.
Your wife isn't lost, she's here.
Here?
They call her the American Harem. The most talked of woman in Vienna.
Stop! Don't mention Harem. Didn't they chase me out of one of them. There's only one way you can square yourself with me.
What is it?
Introduce me to my wife.
She's here every night.
With whom?
He's never the same.
He never will be when I get through with him.
In that case you'll have to fight an army.
It's such a beautiful place.
Oh, the whole place is charming.
Madam, you must not leave here until you hear that little girl sing.
I shall be delighted.
If I sing I'm lost.
She must sing - as never yet.
She must not tonight.
But why, as a friend I ask you why? Double why?
Boris doesn't like music.
But what excuse will I offer, why she won't, can't sing?
Say anything, say she's ill, say she's sick, say she's lost her voice, but she must not sing tonight.
You want to ruin me?
Come over here and let me talk to you in a language you understand.
What is it?
My check book.
Dat's nice.
How much will you sell me your showfor tonight?
Chauffeur? I don't want to sell my Chauf---
Show - show cabarete.
Oh, show. We'll say a little something, ten thousand kronens.
That's thirteen dollars in our money. Hold up the desk.
Now, remember, if she sings I cancel the check.
Yah, yah. Nashan, she must not sing tonight.
I understand.
Waiter, are the Circassian dancing girls here now?
They give a performance every evening.
Thanks.
I want to hear the little Circassian sing.
Ivan, we've got to break up that little tete-a-tete. If she ever finds out my wife has never been in Russia, "Gongadin", help us!
I thought you said, Mrs. Hopper, that the Circassians were to perform here this evening.
I did expect it. Ah, Mr. Knopf Media the little Circassian, she will sing for us.
Sing - I'm very sorry Madam, but she's ill.
Ill? Why only a moment ago I was talking to her.
Check.
Not that kind of illness, something has happened.
Check - check book.
I'll prove by her chaperon she's ill.
Arif, call Nashan.
I'm sorry to disappoint your Excellency.
Oh, it is just as well, I'm afraid I shall not care to hear her.
Always there rings in his ears the song my daughter sang to him on his wedding night.
How will I ever forget her?
You seem terribly cut up. Did she die?
No, she was abducted on her wedding night.
Abducted on her wedding night. Some girls are born lucky.
If I ever lay my hands on the man who stole her from me.
He means me.
Whoever it is, I hope he suffers.
I'm afraid she's going to get her hope.
We will join you later.
Helen! I just came in! Sweetheart! Alone at last. Helen! My darling.
This place if full of strangers.
Get out of here. Waiter.
Oh, don't mind him, he's only my husband. We're semi-detached.
What's that?
You're semi-detached.
If I'm semi-detached, you're skidiskiscatched. That's his little game. I'll see my attorney.
Get an injunction.
I'll get an attachment.
Laugh -- laugh! Life means nothing to you, there's not enough of you. I want you to understand I love my wife.
So do I.
What!
My wife.
Who wants to love your wife.
And do you really expect to get a divorce?
Why not. That's better than being locked up in a Harem, isn't it? At that a Harem isn't such a bad idea for the one who owns the Harem. As for me, if I ever do marry again--I said if --
Yes, if --
Yes, we heard you, if --
Yes, 1 1/2 heard you.
You know if I do marry again, it will be to a male Quartette.
What did she say?
She's going to marry a male quartette.
Think of the harmony we could live in.
Take me to a singing teacher.
Ah here's Nashan. She'll explain everything. Why she won't -- can't sing.
Ah Miss. I understand that a person named Hopper has bribed Herr Knopf not to allow the little Circassian to sing. If that is true, I will double Mr. Hopper's offer and you and the little girl may divide it. Is she ill?
No.
Then she will sing for us?
With pleasure.
Thank you.
Check stopped.
Good night.
I'll make one more effort to save my wife. Ah Your Excellency:
Ah my friend, I have not seen you since the embarrassing moment in front of Izzet Pasha's Palace.
Yes you haven't shaved since.
Ah Mr. Hopper I'm so glad you two have come to a better understanding.
Yes it is nice.
But we haven't.
You see I thought we had. But we haven't. You see she wouldn't even allow me to explain. It was all a mistake.
Remember I saw the check.
But you were not the one I meant to hide.
Then who was it?
It was -- it was --
Who was it?
It was -- it was -- it was all a mistake.
Why, there is the man that was your porter at the hotel.
Here waiter.
You were porter at the Hotel Reich some three weeks ago.
Yes.
Do you remember the gentleman?
Yes he was the nervous groom.
And this lady, was she his companion?
Yes. She arrived later.
But she did not arrive with him on the boat from Russia.
I never was in Russia all my life.
So.
It's all over.
The woman who called for you on the night of Katinka's wedding was not your wife.
The woman that boarded that steamer with you was my little Katinka.
Yes, it was a rough voyage.
Then you did steal my little Katinka?
Yes. No. Yes. No.
Mormon.
I didn't steal her. I just took her.
I demand you tell me where you have hidden here, where is she.
I'll make a clean breast of this whole thing.
Thaddeus.
Yes. I know quite well for whom he meant to steal her.
You are dismissed from my service.
Then it was not she whom you wanted me hide?
You persian rug lay down.
Mr. Hopper, produce her within an hour or you shall give me the satisfaction due one gentleman from another.
It's a good thing he apologized.
What do you mean?
I'll show you what I mean.
Katinka. This woman is my runaway wife. She must come with me.
No! No!
By the ancient law, she must come to Russia with me her lawful husband.
Stop.
I have kept silent for years. But rather than see this little girl suffer as did your other wife, I speak.
Who is this woman?
Olga.
My wife.
My sweetheart.
My hero.
My God!