KATINKA Music by Rudolf Friml Book and Lyrics by Otto Harbach This NYPL electronic edition was transcribed from an unpublished typescript with the permission of William O. Harbach. CAST OF CHARACTERS VARENKA,Katinka's maid............................Nina Napier PETROV, an old servant to Boris....................Albert Sackett BORIS STROGOFF, Russian ambassador to Austria......Count Lorrie Grimaldi KATINKA - his bride................................May Naudain TATIANA, Katinka's mother..........................Norma Mendoza IVAN DIMITRI, (Katinka's sweetheart)...............Samuel Ash an attache to the Russian ambassador THADDEUS HOPPER, a wealthy American................Franklin Ardell RUSSIAN DANCERS....................................Edmund Makalif, May Thompson HALIL, a Circassian slave-trader..................A. Robins KNOPF, manager Cafe-Turkeis-in-Vienna..............W.J. McCarthy ABDUL, a harem assistant...........................Daniel Baker ARIF REY,A warden of Izzet Pasha's harem............Ed. Durand OLGA (NASHAN), first wife to Boris.................Edith Decker Mrs. HELEN HOPPER, Thaddeus Hopper's wife..........Adele Rowland A SPY..............................................Harry Cinton M. PIERRE, porter at Hotel Riche, Constantinople...Gustav Schultz DANCER.............................................Helen Kroner Guests, travelers, visitors, Austrian and Russian officers, Vienna dancers, American and Turkish girls, bridesmaids, flower-girls, slave-girls, barmaids, serving-maids, flunkies, waiters, etc. etc. KATINKA MUSICAL NUMBERS ACT I 1. Opening Chorus...............................Varenka and Chorus 2. Vienna Girls.................................Ivan and Chorus 3. THE BRIDE....................................Boris, Katinka, Tatiana and Chorus. 4. ONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND......................Katinka and Chorus 5. KATINKA......................................Male Quartette 6. IN A HURRY...................................Thaddeus Hopper and Chorus 7. 'TIS THE END.................................Ivan and Katinka 8. RUSSIAN DANCE................................May Thompson and Edmund Makalif 9. FINALE.......................................Ensemble. ACT II 10. OPENING CHORUS.............................Olga and Chorus 11. CHARMS ARE FAIREST WHEN THEY'RE HIDDEN.....Olga and Chorus 12. YOUR PHOTO.................................Mrs. Hopper and Boys 13. ALLAH'S HOLIDAY............................Olga and Chorus 14. THE WEEKLY WEDDING.........................Mr. & Mrs. Hopper 15. I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO KNOW...............Ivan 16. CIRCASSIAN DANCE........................... 17. RACKETY COO!...............................Katinka and Chorus 18. FINALE.....................................Ensemble. ACT III 19. OPENING CHORUS: VIENNA GIRLS. 20. MY PARADISE................................Ivan 21. BALLET DIVERTISSEMENT......................May Thompson 22. MIGNONETTE.................................Kroner and Makalif. 23. I WANT TO MARRY A MALE QUARTETTE...........Mrs. Hopper and Boys 24. SKIDIKISCATCH..............................Hopper, Katinka, Ivan, Knopf, Arif and Olga. 25. I CAN TELL BY THE WAY YOU DANCE DEAR.......Mrs. Hopper and Girls 26. FINALE.....................................ENSEMBLE. PROPERTY DEPARTMENT ACT I (House) 2 baskets of wine 6 bottles to basket Wedding cake on Gold Tray Garlands White riding whip White silk pillow Gold Tray Cloth Gold knife Gold salt box Black bread 8 Long Handled flower baskets Artificial flowers with stems Artificial flowers to throw away Flower boxes around top of balcony Flower boxes around base of house Stone bench C. Stone bench eash side of gate C. (Room of House K.) Carpet Ladies Dressing Table Chair Settes Curtains all windows Drapery for dressing table (Arch R.) Arbor table R. Cloth 7 plates, knives and forks 2 dishes of fruit Napkins Silver tray with fives glasses of wine (Off R.U.E.) 8 staffs with shower bouquets 8 bouquets of flowers Organ and stool Chimes and mallet R.1.E. Russian Drosky R.U.E. 2 White Pigeons Napkin (Hopper) Passport (Hopper) Ground Cloth Rosin Beards PROPERTY DEPARTMENT ACT II Knocker on door L Well C Rope Bucket 2 Green Tables 4 Chairs Stone bench Rug in Harem window L. Flower boxes, balcony House R Ladies Traveling Bag Small Suit Case Traveling Rug and strap Package (Petrov) Bazaar canopy (Turkish Store R.U.E) Turkish instruments Rugs and Turkish hanging pieces 4 Brass Urns Ground cloth Note for hell boy 2 Old Turkish Guns Incense Pot Chair in Turkish store Turkish Fan Brass Armlets Parrot (Halil) Turkish Coins (Hopper) Check book (Hopper) Order book (Porter) Old Painting Store Inlaid mahogany shelf (Store) 2 Scimitars (Harem L.) Turkish Market Basket (C.L.) Brass water pitcher (C.L.) Turkish instruments (Halil) Necklace and Locket (Mrs. Hopper) Portrait, Ivory (Katinka). PROPERTY DEPARTMENT ACT III 2 large papier mache Urns 2 Pedestals 12 Gold chairs 4 Gold Tables Green tables and Chairs from Act II 4 Champagne Buckets Four Flower Baskets with Flowers Two Silver Trays 12 Champagne glasses Match and Ash Trays on each table Cigarettes 2 Baskets of Ferns (Arches) Long Curtains (Arch R. and L.) Small Curtains (Small Arches) Baton (Mrs. Hopper) Whistle (Hopper) Ground Cloth Carpet on Stairs and platform. ELECTRICAL DEPARTMENT ACT I Foots all white 1-2-3-4 Borders white and blue 3-4 Borders have Amber Companies Borders Bridge Lamps R.L. White White Bunch R.2.E. Amber Bunch Arch R. 2 White Bunches R.U.E. 1 White R.U.U. 2 White strips back of drop White Bunch, in Room house L. Strips over windows down stairs of House L. Side Lamps in Room on Wall Strips over door. Up stairs of house L. White Bunch L.U.E. 2 White Bunches above wall 2 floods (White) front 2 White Spots front Lense Lamp with Amber from door house L. OPENING OF ACT Everything White but Arch R. Amber is used here. Bunch and strips are on in House R. until after Church Song. Then off. 1st Change. KATINKA Cue -"There they are now" (Two pigeons appear on gate C.) Start everything to AMBER. White Foots and Borders 2/3 down. Right and Left to C. of Stage. AMBER floods - AMBER bunches. White spot on Ivan and Katinka. AMBER REMAINS ON BRIDGES ALL OTHER LAMPS CONTINUE ON INTO BLUE. WHITE foots 2/3 down FINALE. When Katinka appears on Balcony L. AMBER spot (Head) from Bridge R. Cue - Last note of Harp Solo -lights on in room of house L. Cue - When 3 girls exit - Lights OFF. Second Curtain lights on in room of House L. Cue White Spot on Katinka Carriage C. ELECTRICAL DEPARTMENT ACT II Opening foots 2/3 down Bridges R.L. Blue Companies border Blue All but Fourth Border Blue Amber in Fourth Border UP FULL. 2 Amber Bunches R. and L. Behind Wall Blue floods front Small Blue SPOT (head) from Bridge R. to harem window L. Magenta in harem window and Upper Half of lower door Blue lense Lamp from harem door below Magenta Color Amber Strips in Hotel over doors and windows Magenta in Turkish Store R.U.E. Cue - The Woman in Harem starts to sing - Start everything up slowly to WHITE. Be up by finish of song. Change Mr. Hopper and Helen in "Weekly Wedding" Number. Second Encore everything OUT. Lobster-scope FRONT BLUE. Second change Cue -- Dancing Girls enter and sit in semi-circle. Foots 2/3 down Blue Borders - Blue Bridge lights - Blue Spots Blue Floods- Magenta and Blue in harem Magenta in Turkish store Two bunches off R. above wall (blue) ACT III Opening 3 Large Chandeliers on Four Bracket Bunches on Electric Piece L. arch on Foots 2; 3 down Amber spot on singer When Dancer enters WHITE or Straw Spot AFTER DANCE -- ALL incandescents WHITE Straw Bunches L. Lake Blue Arches C. Lake Blue Arch R. LAKE BLUE R.U.E. Change Encore Mrs. Hopper's Number "Dance With Him" Cue When Knopf spins off Arch R. CRASH in Orchestra Everythign out but TWO Blue Bridge spots FOLLOW DANCERS AT FINISH OF DANCE PINK spot on C. Arch for Katinka. Keep this on for "Rackety! Coo." Also for Tenor's SOLO. The TWO BLUE BRIDGE spots also remaining on. After Number - Everything up full. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES ACT I Villa of Boris Strogoff at Yalta, Russia, on the Black Sea. Late afternoon and evening of a summer day. TIME: Just before the WAR Intermission - Ten Minutes. ACT II A street in Old Stamboul, Turkey (or Street in Old Anzali Peraia) Intermission - Ten Minutes. ACT III Herr Knopf's Cafe, Turkoise -- In Vienna, Austria (or Cafe Parisienne, Paris) Three Weeks Later. MUSICAL NUMBERS Orchestra Conducted by John McGhie ACT I Opening Chorus..................-Varenka and Chorus "In Vienna"............................-Ivan and Chorus "Russian Wedding March"...............-Boris, Katinka, Tatiana & Chorus "One Who Will Understand"...........-Katinka and Chorus "Katinka".............................-Ivan and Male Chorus "In a Hurry".........................Hopper and Chorus "Racketty Coo".......................Katinka and Ivan "Russian Dance"......................-Russian Dancers Finale................................Company. ACT II "Allah Holliday"......................Olga and Chorus "Your Photo"..........................Mrs. Hopper and Boys. "The Weekly Wedding"..................Mrs. Hopper & Thaddeus Carcassian Dance......................Dancers "The Walking Music Store".............-Halil Finale................................Company. ACT III "My Paradise".............................-Katinka "I Can Tell By The Way They Dance Dear"...-Mrs. Hopper "I Want All the World to Know".............Ivan "Skidaskiscrach"...........................Hopper and Knopf "I want to Marry a Male Quartette".........Mrs. Hopper and Boys Finale.......................................Company Guests Travelers American Girls Bridesmaids Visitors Turkish Girls Flower Girls Barmaids Serving maids -Slave Girls- Vienna Dancers Guests American Men Waiters Flunkie Austrian Officers Servants Russian Officers Scenery Act I and II built by Theodore Reisig Scenery Act III built by Hanna & Lennon Scenery painted by Sundquist Properties by Gebhardt Costumes by Paul Arlington Co. Inc. Mens clothes by Brooks Uniform Co. Shoes by Sinatra Artificial flowers by Armstrong & Mackie. KATINKA ACT I Opening Song inside Church -- "Give them your Tokens" Church right, above wall. PETROV R.C. VARENKA L.C. Give them your tokens, tender and true Let no man dare to sever (The above is taken by BORIS - IVAN - TATIANA - BRIDESMAIDS - MEDIUMS with ORGAN SERVANTS & GUESTS) So they are man and wife Married for life! Boris is swelling with pride Tearful and trembling there Charming Katrina fair Tries all her blushes to hide! For she's now the bride! Spread then the festive board For her new Lord! --Ring forth the rosy red wine, Bring in the wedding cake And for Katrina's sake Garlands of flowers we'll twine For Cupid's shrine! (Looking off R.) Now to the Church doors outward swing While pretty bridesmaids sing And like notes form an angels choir High in the gilded spire Wedding bells gaily ring. Varenka (R.C.) The ceremony is almost over. (Goes to table R. - Xes to L.1.E.) They're married. Others Ring! Ring! Ring out your tidings Dear old bells! Ring! Ring! Ring for your chidings True love spells! Fling! Fling! Fling out your golden Notes so clear Cling! Cling! Cling to our golden motto dear For to honor, love and obey Is far better than wasting away! Swing! Swing! Swing out your lay Wedding bells Wedding bells. Medium (Up to the girls) Look, the people are pouring out of the church. See there are the bridesmaids. Varenka (To Maids) Is everything ready? Girls Yes. Varenka Boris is not one to forgive mistakes anywhere, much less at his own wedding, eh, Petrov? Petrov (L.C.) Don't I remember poor Olga. She was young and pretty, too. Just like a little Katinka is now. Little Katinka, I hope she'll be happier than the first Madam Strogoff. Varenka Shame on you, to be talking like an old raven. Petrov Say what you will, the old Russian proverb is right. Chorus Proverb? Petrov When December marries May, the love birds fly away. Varenka How can you look in the face of Katinka and say she's not happy! Petrov Will she be able to look in the face of Ivan and say she is happy? Varenka Ivan! Why she's forgotten him. Petrov Forgotten him? Varenka Well, from what we hear of Ivan's life in Vienna, he'll be the last to care. Girl (On the wall L. of gate) Look, look, it is Ivan Dimitri. Varenka (R) Ivan coming to the wedding? The insolence! (Down R.C.) (Enter IVAN gate C. from R.) Were you at the church? Girl A charming bride. Ivan (Down) You are right. Boris Strogoff has picked the sweetest flower in Yalta. I wish him joy. Varenka It doesn't seem as though his heart is breaking. Petrov The open laugh oft drowns the secret sob. I admire his pluck. Varenka I admire his nerve. He should have stayed away. (Petrov exits L.1.E.) Ivan Hello, Varenka! Scowling, and on a night when everyone should smile. Varenka You seem to find it easy. Ivan And why not? They tell me Katimka makes a most happy bride so let the world be gay. Varenka Gaiety seems to be the principal thing you brought home with you from Paris. (Xes L.) Ivan Do you think so? (Exit Varenka L.1.E.) Girl (Coming Down) Are the Vienna ladies then, so much dearer than we? Ivan Well not eactly dearer; rather, I may say, nearer. (Places arm around girl) 2nd Girl (R) Nearer! Ivan I mean they know just how to keep cool without being chilly. Girl (R) Just what do you mean by that? Girl (L) I wish you'd explain yourself. Ivan Very well. (Number) "VIENNA GIRLS" If one is looking for the right girl, One who knows the art Of soothing head and heart For she must be both day and night girl With pretty witty ways That brighten days; And that light In her eyes when it's night That's the kind You'll be surest to find. Refrain In Vienna In Vienna Girls are the brightest Their hearts are lightest Their eyes are ever fair When they smile their lips uncover pearls the whitest And their laughter rings like music everywhere. In Vienna In Vienna Girls are sprightly They caper nightly In sweet seductive swirls (Enter ponies) And they love it when you dare to hold them Slightly Tightly For they are Vienna girls. II If one is looking for a shy girl Who loves to stay at home All drowsy and alone A little never-tell-a-lie-girl A girl who thinks it's guile To learn to smile Who would swoon If you asked her to spoon She's the kind That you won't ever find (R.2.E) (Enter Varenka, from house L., crosses to gate C. then Xes R.C.) Varenka (Five girls extra bridesmaids) The Wedding Party approaches. (Music. VARENKA goes down R., serving maids dance around-- One serving MAID enters house, comes forth with gold tray, and cover - with black bread, gold knife, gold salt cellar- takes it down R. --FOUR LITTLE GIRLS hold it in air, while the girl who brought it dances between them. Four little girls take tray up to gate C. and lead wedding march) (Enter gate C from R. KATINKA, BORIS followed by TATIANA, BRIDESMAIDS, BOYS and GIRLS) The Bride Welcome the bride with song And anthems of golden cheer With anthem ringing clear Dispelling doubt and fear And may their happieness be long And may the bonds be strong Sealed with a love most dear! And welcome the lucky man, Who stands by her tender side, His smiles be e'er upon her Tender and true - tender and true! Duty, love and honor be his guide Love be his guide For she's his bride (BORIS breaks small bit of bread, salts it, presents it to Katinka. She touches it to her lips) So once again with song and anthem We greet the bride and the lucky man Who walks by her side May the bloom of their love abide! May love abide! (SERVING MAID enters from house L. with small white whip on pillow - goes down to L. of Katinka - Katinka takes whip in right hand and kneels before Boris C.) Katinka My gracious master, according to the custom of my forefathers I give into your hands the symbol of your power and token of my obedience to your slightest wish. (Boris accepts whip) Boris The obedience you do offer, thus (Touches her on shoulder with whip) do I deign to accept. Katinka (Rises L.C.) What would you have me do? Boris (To all) What favor shall I ask? Girls A kiss. Girl A dance. Chorus A song. Boris Katinka, sing. (Touches her on shoulder with whip) (Ivan enters from R.1.E. KATINKA song - down stage) "ONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND" I will breathe all the joys of my heart In a song, just a simple song Would its notes could but impart Thoughts that here, within me throng I will teach its refrain to the breeze Where 'twill live, or 'twill die Or maybe someone, somewhere, please And rob a soul of a sigh. Chorus In the heart of a song I have hidden my heart and its burning To its measures belongs All my soul's eager yearning Its refrain may yet reign Over sea and land Thousands yet may hear it Many who will cheer it One who will understand (Looks at Ivan) (Katinka retires to mother and places her head on Mother's breast. Down stage again for encore) (At finish of song Boris takes Katinka's hand and leads her around stage) (Katinka exits, house L. - the above is done to the following) So once again with song and anthem We greet the bride and the lucky man Who walks by her side May the bloom of their love abide May love abide. (Exit KATINKA and BRIDESMAIDS into house. Ivan crosses R. to Petrov. Girls chatter and cross L. to Tatiana) Girl Wasn't she beautiful? Tatiana My daughter, isn't she beautiful? Girl Well, for my part, I don't like the ceremony of the whip. Girl Neither do I. Tatiana Well you see, it is an old custom that used to symbolize the true meaning of marriage. Now, in our time Boris! Boris In our time, you mean in your time, mama. (R.C.) Tatiana Mama? I like that. Boris Well, as they say in Russia, you have lost a daughter, but you have gained a son. Ivan (R.) Fair exchange is sometimes robbery. Boris What is it? Ivan I said fair exchange is no robbery. Boris And now, the beautiful mama, what were you saying? Tatiana I said in my time we took a man to be our lord and master; a husband took that for granted. Girl They take it for granted yet. Ivan You're right, the things we take for granted are the things we soonest lose. Boris And you Ivan, I did not see you at the church, and as a punishment you must toast my bride. Ivan Why certainly, with pleasure. Boris Varenka, some wine. (Enter VARENKA from an arch R. with tray of wine) "KATINKA" Boris In this ruby cup of wine, Katinka. Chorus Where the bubbles shine, Katinka. Boris They have caught the pretty the pretty grace of your smile. Ivan Captive for awhile And the sparkle of your eyes, Katinka Weaned from April skies, Katinka Boris In the goblet's crystal depths brightly gleams, Ivan Like a star seen in dreams And although her pretty charms May never be mine. Chorus Pretty charms may ne'er be mine. Ivan Still I hold them in my arms, In this chalice divine. Chorus In this chalice, divine. (KATINKA appears on balcony) Sweet Katinka, sweet Katinka, You are like a rose, Katinka, Just as fair dear, just as rare dear, And I love you, heaven knows Even angels seem to worship you, For they sent you the charms from the blue Oh, the joy dear, 'twere divine If you were only mine. (Exit Tatiana L.) (Exit Chorus) (Katinka exits from balcony. Boris crosses laughing with Girl and exits arch R.) Petrov Boris Strogoff seems a happy man. Ivan No one should know better than I how happy he should be, but as they say in America, "Laugh, and the world laughs with you"-- Petrov Snore and they won't let you sleep. (CHORUS outside, laugh) Ivan Are you sure that is the exact quotation? Petrov Certainly, I had it from an American himself. Chorus (Ponies) (Enter laughing) An American? Petrov Yes, the gentleman we met in Vienna. His name is Hopper. Chorus Hopper? Ivan Yes, Thaddeus T. Hopper, most genial, and so wholesome. Petrov And so fresh. Chorus Fresh? Ivan As an ocean breeze. By the way, Petrov, you have an eye open for him. Varenka He's coming to the wedding? Ivan Yes. Girl Think of it, an American. Girl That means he's rich. Ivan Very. Girl I must polish up my vocabulary. Ivan You needn't, he'll do all the talking. But he's charming, and his wife --- Girl He's married then? Ivan Yes. Oh, don't let that worry you, these Americans have very large hearts. Petrov, look out for him. Petrov I will. (Exits R.3.E. arch) Varenka Where did you meet him? Ivan I meet him at the Cafe in Vienna. (Exit Varenka) (Music. Enter HOPPER gate C. from R. down to Ivan L.) Ah, Hopper! I'm glad you've come. Hopper Just a minute, look at all the pretty girls - give me room. (Looks around) Say, where did I get the idea that Russia was only famous for its caviar. Well, introduce me. Ivan I beg your pardon. (Crosses C.) Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my dear friend from America, Mr. Thaddeus T. Hopper. Hopper B'n swan--whatever that means. Little Girls Charmed. Girl Charmed. Hopper (Turns to girls behind him) Charmed over here, too. Well is the big show over? All Show? Hopper I mean am I too late for the ceremony? Girl You've just missed something most interesting. Hopper Yes, what was it? Girl The ceremony of the whip. Hopper The whip? Girl Yes. Hopper Why they don't use the whip in our country until two years after the wedding. Girls Two years afterwards? Hopper Or at least just before the divorce. Girl Well, for my part Mr. Hopper, I'll never say love, honor and obey to any man. Hopper That's quite possible. Say listen, girls. Opportunities come when least expected. Girl I am afraid you are somewhat of a joker, Mr. Hopper. Hopper Joker? Girl Yes. Hopper Well, I wouldn't mind being a joker running wild in a deck like this, if someone would only keep shuffling the cards. Ivan Ha, ha, ha! (Exits R.1.E) Hopper Who said that? But what's the use of shuffling, when every card's a queen. That means you -- (Crosses R.) That means you alone. Girls Mr. Hopper, are you really married? Hopper (Looking around) Well, I'm on my vacation. (Business) Girl I'm afraid Ivan told the truth about you. Hopper No. What did he say? Girl He said, you were so bright and so fresh. Hopper Oh, he told you that, did he? Girl Yes, now we know what one means, when one speaks of you windy Americans. Hopper Windy? Girls No, no. Breezy. Hopper Breezy that's better. Girl Is it true, that you Americans are always in a hurry? Hopper Oh, no. Oh no! You see sometimes we pass ourselves, then have to wait until we catch up to ourselves..... (Girls go R.L.) and in the meantime, we rest. NUMBER: "IN A HURRY" Every real old Yankee's in a hurry No matter why or where he is, or what he has to do He simply cannot live without his flurry Before he starts to do a thing he's nearly half way through Often when he has to take a journey He's up and gone and home again before you've time to pack And when he's on the road at any turn, He will meet himself already coming back. REFRAIN He's in a hurry A hurry At noon and night time All time is flight time Believe me! No time for him is slow time Believe me! No time for him is slow time It's always hustle, rustle, bustle, tussle Hustle, rustle, bustle In a hurry A hurry In spring or winter He is a sprinter Believe me! He's some hiker He's no piker Meets a girl on Sunday They are married Monday No matter what he has to do He's always in a hurry. (Exits R.1.E) (Exit Girls) (Encore -- Enter from R.1.E. Walk around bench C. twice -- second time you find TATIANA standing C.) Hopper Hello! Tatiana Well? Hopper Excuse me, I'm in a hurry. (Starts R.U.E.) Tatiana The idea. Hopper (Returning) It's a good thing you called me back, I'm an American, my card. (He hands playing card, sees his mistake. Offers calling card. Tatiana takes card and drops it to floor) Now that we are acquainted, my name is Hopper. (Tatiana looks at him, he backs away) (IVAN enters R.1.E.) You life saver, introduce me. Ivan Certainly, Countess Verenoff, may I present my friend Mr. Thaddeus T. Hopper. Tatiana (Frigidly) Mr. Hopper. Hopper Countess -- I -- I am charmed. (Fans himself with hat) There's a cool breeze blowing. Ivan Yes, that's from the Black Sea yonder. Hopper Well, well, isn't it blue, the Black Sea? I thought it was the Arctic Ocean. (Tatiana looks at him in amazement) I'm always mixed up in my georgraphy, when I'm travelling. Tatiana (Crossing to R.C.) Yes, perhaps you will be able to find your bearings in the garden. They are serving refreshments there. Bon soir, Signore. Hopper San Diego, Nellie. Tatiana I said they are serving refreshments in the garden. (Looks at him and exits house) Hopper I think I will go home and finish my packing. (Crosses R.C.) Ivan Yes, I move we go. (Starts C.) Hopper Another thing I move. (Starts C. KATINKA enters from house L.) Motion-over-ruled. (Down stage) Katinka (Coming down L. of C.) Ivan, you're not going without introducing your friend to me. Ivan (Coming down R.) We're in a hurry. Hopper Don't you believe him. I'm never in a hurry. (To Ivan) She's much warmer than the other. Ivan Madame Strogoff. Hopper (Amazed) Madame! Ivan May I present my friend from America, Mr. Thaddeus Hopper? Hopper Am I to understand then, that this is the bride? Ivan Yes, this is the bride. Hopper Accept my very best wishes for many happy re- that is I mean to say -- I'm charmed. Do you know -- I'd like to meet your husband! Katinka Yes? Hopper I have a great curiosity to see the man selected by Heaven to own such happiness. Katinka That's a very pretty speech. Hopper I have a very pretty subject. (Business with Ivan, pulls his coat. To Ivan) Go, my boy! Of course Ivan warned me I was to see the loveliest bride in Yalta. Katinka Oh he said that, did he? Hopper Yes, yes. We had a saying "Follow Ivan and you can't go wrong," and they did. Married women and all. Katinka That isn't the way I heard it. Hopper No? Katinka Follow Ivan and you're sure to go wrong. Ivan Oh, a lot of unfounded gossip. Hopper I don't know my boy, you did show me a few regular nights. Ivan Yes, but that was afterwards. Katinka Afterwards? (Surprised) Ivan After I knew that a woman's word can be as easily broken as the paper upon which it is written. Hopper Oh, I remember, he did get a jolt from some fair Russian honey bee. Katinka I thought I knew pretty well all about Ivan's love affairs. Hopper Oh, there was some little girl who promised to marry him and then at the last moment sent all his presents back and married someone else. That's better than they do in my country, they generally forget to the return the presents. (Hopper walks up stage R.C.) Katinka I know Russian girls pretty well -- I'm afraid Ivan deserved it. Ivan Deserved no answer to letters for months and months. No explanation of any kind. Nothing but a curt note from her mother announcing her engagement to another man. Katinka Ivan, what are you saying? Ivan I'm telling you the truth. I wrote you letter after letter begging for an explanation of your silence. Katinka I never got them, and I wrote you week after week, and never a reply. Ivan Then we've been duped, cheated. Hopper (Coming down R.C.) Ivan -- is this the little girl you wanted to drown yourself for? Katinka Drown himself? Hopper He was strong for the river, but I convinced him that wine was in much better taste, which I had to pay for, I'm sorry if I started something that you can't finish -- but I'm afraid that in cases of this kind, two heads are better than three. (Crosses R.) Remember Ivan, our boat sails in half an hour. So Madam, as you would say in your beautiful language, Goodnight owich -- Goodbye ovich! (Exits into Garden) Katinka Oh, Ivan, have I permitted to think ill of you and you of me unjustly? Ivan Little girl you know I've never had a serious thought for any woman in the world but you. Katinka I see how they schemed it all, your appointment to Vienna, your letters which Varenka never brought me, my letters to you which Varenka never posted. Oh, Ivan - (BORIS and GIRLS laugh in garden R.) (4 GIRLS enter R. and sit at table in arch up C. KATINKA crosses R. and listens) Ivan Katinka! Katinka What shall we do? Ivan There's nothing to do, nothing to say, but goodbye. Katinka No, not yet. (Sits C.) I must talk to you for just a little while. I want you to know that never for one moment have I forgotten you. Why, the day I gave all your pretty presents to mother to return, I thought I should die of crying-- I --- Ivan And the day I received them I thought I should go mad. Katinka I sent them all, all but the little white pigeons you gave me last Easter, I just couldn't give them up. (Rises) And Ivan, what do you think -- she's found a mate. Ivan She has? Katinka Yes, a big handsome fellow, every day he comes from somewhere and tells her how he loves her. You should see them. (Two white pigeons appear on posts of gate C.) Why there they are now! (NUMBER) "RACKETTY COO" (KATE L.C.) (4 down too) Just beneath the eaves, 'Midst ivy leaves A little pigeon dwells She's very circumspect, Au-fait and quite select As every neighbor tells Quiet and alone, As still as stone, She sits the whole day long, But when the sun shows day is done, It's quite a different song. REFRAIN Every night I hear her sing, "Tweet, tweet" My little pigeon true Then hesitate Until her mate Says "Racketty Coo, coo, coo, coo" Then again she'll answer "Tweet, tweet, tweet" Which means that she'd say I'm all alone dear Come on, now why stay away? (Back to L.) Ah, how I wish that I need only say "Tweet tweet" whenever I am blue, And hear an echo answer "Racketty Coo, coo, Racketty coo." And know that Racketty Coo means you. When dear Mr. Dove Has told his love As gallant pigeons do He gives his little Miss A pretty pigeon kiss, And coos a fond adieu, Then away he'll fly. As tho' he'd try, To test her love and yet She can't be sure a sound But some hope he's around To make a love duet. (Repeat chorus) (Katinka and Ivan exit L.1.E.) (After finish of Number IVAN returns. PETROV enters R.U.E.) Petrov Then after all you still love her. (Crosses to Ivan L.) Ivan Why, of course I love her, how can I ever bear this! Petrov Courage, my boy, courage! (Enter HOPPER from arch R.3.E., turns to girls at table) Hopper Girls, don't eat my pie. (Crossing to Ivan L. who is in pain) Ivan, I'm nine courses ahead of you. What's wrong, got a headache? A moment ago you were as gay as a summer widower and now you look like the father of twins. What's wrong, eh? Petrov It's Katinka. Hopper Katinka! Oh, the bride. Petrov Yes. Ivan I thought I'd forgotten, but seeing her again and knowing that she still loves me -- Hopper (Laughs) What? On her wedding night she tells you that she loves you? Ivan Here where I stand. Hopper That's going some. In America we wait at least until the honeymoon. Ivan Don't say that word to me. The thought of it kills me. I think I shall go mad! Hopper (Looks R.) Yes, he does look a bit of a bear. I must confess boys, it's an awkward situation. But are they really married? Ivan Yes, in the church, didn't you hear the bells, those awful bells? Hopper Yes, no wedding bell rings, without it sounds the knell of some poor old also-ran. Ivan But can't something be done? You are an American, you can think quickly; help me save her, is there no way out? Hopper There's no quick way out of marrage, boy, except strychnine, or a pair of white wings, and either way it's a bit risky. Ivan Is there no way out? Hopper Not a ghost of a chance. Petrov Yes! There's one ghost of a chance. Ivan What do you mean? Petrov Olga! Ivan Boris Strogoff's first wife? Petrov Yes. Ivan But she's dead. Petrov Yes, but I've seen her ghost. Hopper Come over here, Hamlet. Petrov I was the servant in the Strogoff family when he married pretty Olga Andranovia ten years ago. She ran away, and in Circassia where we followed her, they told us she had died and so we all believed, until three years ago I saw her in Constantinople. She made me swear never to betray her secret, for she preferred the life of a slave in Izzet Pasha's Harem to a life with Boris. Hopper Then if she's still alive this marriage is illegal. Ivan Then Katinka can be saved. Hopper Not unless we can prove that Olga is not dead. Ivan Petrov will swear to it. Hopper All he can swear to is that she was alive three years ago. Ivan Then we must search and find her. (Up stage) Hopper Yes, and if she is still alive and living in Izzet -- what's- his-name's palace, how long will it take for you to establish that fact? Petrov In one short week. I --- Hopper In one short nothing. Whatever is to be done to save the situation must be done now and tonight. (Ivan coming down L.) Ivan Yes, now and tonight. Hopper Hold the towel. (Gives Petrov the napkin he has entered with) Gather around me, children, now let me think. I have it, we'll hide Katinka. Ivan You know nothing of Russia and her police or you wouldn't talk of hiding her. Hopper That's right. I've got to think again. Let me see. (Rests his arm on Petrov's shoulder, as if in thought) I've got it. Do your friends know that I am married? Ivan Yes. Hopper Do they know if my wife is here in Russia with me or not? Ivan No. Hopper Then I'll take Katinka out of Russia. Ivan Without a passport? Hopper I have a passport. Ivan and Petrov A passport? Hopper For my wife and myself. Petrov Do you mean that Katinka will go with you as Mrs. ---- Hopper Yes, as Mrs. Thaddeus Hopper. Quick boy -- Look boy- (To Petrov R.) You go and secure some extra accomodations. Petrov (R.C.) For Ivan and myself? Hopper No, you must take the rival boat which leaves an hour later and we'll all meet in Constantinople. Petrov But do you realize you are asking to travel, with a young lady--- Hopper What's the matter with you, you old fluff, I love my wife. Ivan Hopper, your scheme is great, if --- Hopper If what? Ivan If Katinka will consent. Petrov I will find a chance to ask her. (Crosses R.1.E.) Hopper Listen, here are the plans. She's to enter her chamber, put on her travelling dress, slip from the house, get into the carriage which you will have waiting, and call for me here as my wife. Petrov Very well. (exits L.1.E.) Ivan Hopper, you're a wonder! Hopper No, only an American. There's only a few of us left. (HOPPER and IVAN cross R. EXIT HOPPER and IVAN) Girls The Dancers! (Enter BOYS and GIRLS all laughing and talking. Enter RUSSIAN DANCERS from house L.) (BORIS enters R.1.E. arch and watches Dancers. PETROV enters L.2.E.) (After DANCERS exit, PETROV comes down R) Ivan (ENTERS R) Will she consent? Petrov Yes, she consents. (Exits L.1.E.) (HOPPER enters down R.2.) Boris (Coming down R.C. from R.1.E.) Ah, Mr. Hopper, I did not see you among the diners. I trust you are not bored? Hopper (R.C.) Bored! I'm having the time of my life. Boris Will you join me in a glass of wine? Hopper Why certainly! (ENTER VARENKA from arch R.U.E. with wine) (ENTER KATINKA and TATIANA on balcony house L.) Boris Here's to Katinka, the sweetest flower in Yalta. (ALL enter) Hopper (Xes R.C.) And to the lucky man who shall wear her beauty near his heart. (Looks at Ivan, winks C) Here's hoping! (GIRLS and BOYS applaud) (KATINKA throws bouquet to the crowd, below. KATINKA on balcony L. HOPPER exits R) FINALE BLUE LIGHTS Good night! Good night! The shadows draw their velvet shawl About love's sweet retreat The stars have lit their candles tall To guide young Cupid's feet. To Hymen's hall, to Hymen's hall! May love's fair dreams be sweet--- Good-night--Good-night! (KATINKA and TATIANA exit) Ivan And now a toast to Boris Happy owner of Heaven's fairest star. Chorus To Boris! to Boris! Boris and Chorus (Half drunk) I thank you friends both new and old For wishes so benign I only hope that soon you'll hold The bliss that now is mine. (Spills wine) And as I spill this liquid fire A gift to Gods above May they pour blessings and inspire My heart's mate with true love. (EXIT BORIS) (Katinka's trio in her bedchamber where VARENKA and MAIDS disrobe her.) (KATINKA at window) Long life of bliss they live With blessings that Heaven may give And may their worries cease And only joys increase And on this happy new made home May never shade or shame of sorrow ever come. So once again with song and anthem We greet the bride, and the lucky man Who walks by her side, May the bloom of their love abide, May love abide. (While chorus and BORIS are singing PETROV enters L.1.E. KATINKA in travelling dress opens window, steps out and away with Petrov L.1.E. Goes around up above wall where carriage is waiting.) (Music for Hopper's entrance R. arch) Hopper It's getting late--I'll have to go. My wife I fear is slow. Petrov (Up C) No, she's here. Hopper Then I'll go! (Last half of "Hurry" for Curtain) (Hopper shakes hands with Ivan and girls. Runs up C. Gets in carriage) (BORIS enters room in house. Does not find Katinka, sees window open, comes out, looking for her) (Second curtain picture BORIS--bewildered) CURTAIN. KATINKA ACT II SCENE: Opening NASHAN discovered in window in Harem L. PORTER at well C. AMERICAN BOYS and GIRLS, TURKISH BOYS and GIRLS. TURKISH SOLDIERS, BEGGARS, GENDARMES, RUG-MAKER, LETTER-WRITER, BELL-BOY, STORE- KEEPER, HAREM GIRLS. Curtain goes up on harp solo. NASHAN sings. Nashan There 'neath the shades Of rose panoplied walls, Where moon-eyes maids woo, Day dreams tender thralls, There I too learned to play In Allah's holiday, Ah, might it but last Alway: Bring your silver cymbal Tambourine and tymbal Strike with fingers nimble Some pretty lay! While the tones are tinkling Rose breath I'll be sprinkling, Where your feet are twinkling, Allah's Holiday Ah could it but last Could it last alway. (PORTER enters from hotel R. KNOPF enters from L. through C., goes down to Porter by well C) Knopf (R.C.) Pardon, but is this Izzet Pasha's harem? Porter (R) What? Knopf The Harem of Izzet Pasha, is it? Porter Yes, Izzet's. (KNOPF Xes to harem L. and uses knocker on door. Harem door opens, two slaves, with scymitars, appear. KNOPF backs C. laughing. ARIF enters, goes C. ABDUL enters and stands in doorway between two slaves) Arif Well, well! You wish to see me? Knopf Yes, it is about some girls. They must sing and dance, a specialty for my new Cafe. Arif (L.C.) I see, I see. Abdul, send Nashan. (ABDUL exits into harem) Knopf (R.C.) Nashan! Who is she? Arif She has charge of the girls. She speaks many languages, French, English, Russian, Italian--- Knopf For a woman one tongue is a plenty. (Enter Nashan from harem L.2.E.) Arif Ah, Nashan! Meet my friend Signor Knopf, from Paris. Nashan (Salaams) Charmed. Knopf (Bows) I'm over-powered. Arif He wishes to hire some dancing girls; we can spare some? Nashan No. We haven't any at present, but we are expected some from Circassia. Knopf (Looks at Nashan, lets out a yell. Arif laughs) Are they all as pretty as that one? Arif I have nothing but beauties. Knopf That's nice. If nobody else I take her absitively. Arif Nashan, you may go. (Nashan starts for harem L; looks at Knopf, goes to door, looks again, and throws Knopf a kiss, exits) (Knopf laughs) (Enter HALIL C., going down R. to rug-maker) Knopf Who's the Billiken? Arif That is Halil. It is he who secures for us the prettiest girls from Circassia. Halil, meet my friend Herr Knopf. Halil (Laughs) How do you do? Arif Nashan tells me you are expecting some girls from Circassia. Halil (Laughs) Yes, there is a boat due today. I'm going to get them. (Xes r., laughs, exits R.1.E.) Knopf He is the funniest fellow I ever saw. Arif He's the life of Stamboul. (Xes to harem L., stands with folded arms looking at audience) Knopf (To L.) Well, well, boys, I'm glad to see you, but when did you leave Vienna? Boy The day before yesterday. We only arrived this morning. Knopf And where are you staying? Boy Two streets over, at the Hotel Pera. Knopf But the rest of the party, Mr. and Mrs. Hopper? Boy Mrs. Hopper's here, we're expecting Mr. Hopper today. Knopf Didn't they come together? Boy No, he went to Yalta with a young Russian he met at your hotel, named Dimitri. Knopf Ivan Dimitri. Boy Yes, he was to join us here at Stamboul. His boat is due today. Knopf But where is Mrs. Hopper? Boy Here's Mrs. Hopper now. (MRS. HOPPER enters from R. through gate C.) Knopf (R.C.) Ah, Madam Hopper, how are you? I'm glad to see you. Helen What are you doing so far from Vienna? Knopf Business, pure business. Helen Pure business? Knopf Well, you see, business with me means business. But why didn't you come to this hotel? Helen My husband arranged that I should stop at the Pera. Knopf Ah, but this is ever so much better. You will find everything modern here, just like my place in Vienna, and besides, this is right in the heart of Stamboul. There, for instance, is a genuine Turkish harem. (Points L.) (ARIF is standing quiet) Helen Oh, a real live gracious to goodness- - - (Sees Arif) The exterior decorations are pretty. Knopf Allow me, Mrs. Hopper, to introduce Arif Bey. Arif Sap-al lar summe, sus stelby, un a fende, salaam. (He salaams) Helen I second the motion. Knopf Mrs. Hopper is from America. Arif America? The land of beautiful ladies. (Xes L.C., bows) I am in ecstasy. Knopf (R.C.) This gentleman is the keeper of Izzet Pasha's harem. Helen (C) Oh, the harem! I'm just crazy to see the inside of a harem. Knopf Maybe we can arrange it. Helen Can you? Arif For eyes like yours, I could arrange anything. (About to embrace her) Helen Never mind, never mind. Arif But to go on the inside of a harem, that is a forbidden fruit. (He Xes L.) Helen But I thought that was your long suit? Arif What? Helen Serving forbidden fruit. How, couldn't you, sort of, fix it? Arif (Flirts) Maybe, we shall see. Helen (C) Maybe? Arif In the meantime, trust in Allah. Helen I wouldn't do it. Arif Oh! (Walks two steps to entrance L.) Oh! (Repeats bus.) Oh! (Repeats bus.) Praised be Allah! (Exits L.1.E.) Helen (Xes R.C.) Isn't he nervous? Knopf That's a Turkish emotion. Helen I thought it was a Turkish Delight. What is this "Trust in Allah?" Knopf I'd rather trust Allah than trust him. Helen So would I. Just the same, if he can arrange it, I'm going into the harem. (Xes L.) Knopf Ah, but your husband wouldn't like it. Helen But my husband isn't here. Knopf (R.C.) The boys were just telling me he was in Russia. Helen Yes, he's been away from me for three weeks. It's the first time we've been seperated since we were married. (Xes L.C.) Knopf (Follows her) Poor fellow. Helen Poor fellow? Knopf I mean, how lonesome he must have been. Helen He's written and cabled me every day, bless his little heart. Isn't that good of him? (Shows photo) Knopf It's just like him all but the face. Helen But to think of him ill and lonesome on that old boat with no one to look after him. Knopf No one to look after him? You don't know these Russian girls! Helen Oh, I could trust him anywhere, and besides, when we're on shipboard he's always terribly ill and sticks to his cabin. Knopf How sweet of him! Helen Bet your life it's sweet. Knopf Ach du lieber! (Xes to hotel R) Helen Are you leaving me? Knopf Nothing bores a man so much as to hear a woman tell him how much she loves her husband. Good-bye! (Falls up steps, exits hotel R) Helen (C) At that he's right. Many a man has lost a perfectly good wife by allowing her to bore his friends too long. Hubby dear, I think you'd better hurry home. SONG: "YOUR PHOTO" I've a picture I keep always near me, Yes, always near me, and en-tre-nous All the day and night I keep holding it tight Just to cheer me, for it's you! And here, where all my heart beats true Is our own secret re-de-vous! (Enter CHORUS) CHORUS On my heart I am wearing your photo, Because my heart dear, is your heart in toto, And so I hold you pressed, Upon my longing breast, But I'll give you this slight intimation Altho' your photo's a fair illustration Of tender lips I have known And the love that's my own, Still at best it's a chilly imitation I think you'd better hurry home. Tho' you smile back at me when I'm kissing When I'm kissing - your dear lips there Tho' the look in your eye I can quite recognize Something's missing, I declare. And tho' it be your counter-part, I cannot love you a la carte. (Exits) (Repeat chorus) (After number CHORUS GIRLS enter C. from R. and exit hotel R. DETECTIVE enters, goes L.) (Enter KATINKA and HOPPER from R. through C. Katinka down L., Hopper C.) Hopper (R.C.) Here we are, in the land of Mecca cigarettes. We can't do anything until Petrov and Ivan come. Their boat was landing just behind us. In the meantime, you had better take a room at the hotel, and I'll register under some fake name and we'll fool them. Katinka (L.C.) Oh no! That won't do! We must keep the name on the passport. Hopper Oh no! Oh no! This is as far as you can go on my name! Katinka (Pointing L.) You see that man over there? Hopper Yes. Katinka Russian Secret Service. Hopper Serves him right. Katinka He saw our passports as we left the boat. If I drop the name now, I'm lost. Hopper But, Katinka, I've a wife who's liable to come here. (Enter PORTER hotel R.) Porter Your reservations, you have not made yet? Hopper We want -- -- Katinka (Xes R.C.) A suite of two rooms. Hopper Yes, two sweet little rooms. Porter Two rooms, and the name? Hopper The name is - - - Katinka Hopper. (Exits SPY hotel R. He sneaks up back and into hotel) Porter Two rooms for Mr. and Mrs. - - - - Katinka Thaddeus T. Hopper. Porter Thaddeus T. Hopper. Hopper (L.C.) The T stands for trouble. (Exit Porter hotel R.) You didn't miss a thing, did you? Not even my middle initial. Katinka (R.C.) Neither did the spy. Did you see how he listened? Whatever we do about Olga must be done at once. Hopper (On well C.) You're right. We are living on the crater of a volcano and if my wife ever drops in on us-- (Bus.) it will be all over but the lava. Katinka But you can explain to her. Hopper I can explain? Oh no! You shall explain! Katinka She will be proud of you! Hopper Oh, she'll be proud of me all right. (Rises, Xes L.C.) Katinka You're a hero! Hopper I'm a hero, but I'll be just as well satisfied if she never learns just how much of a hero I am. (Enter PORTER hotel R) Porter Number 13 is now ready. Hopper You picked a lucky one, didn't you? Porter Will you be shown to your rooms? Katinka What? Hopper Yes. Don't be frightened. Katinka You won't be long? (Xes R., stands on steps) Hopper No, I'll be up in a little while and bring the trunks with me. Porter Don't worry. I shall keep your secret. Hopper You know it then? Porter You've all the symptoms. Hopper What? Porter Just married. Hopper Oh, yes, yes, yes --married! That's right, you're wrong again, you big hunk. (Xes L.) Porter But you can rely on me to help you. (Holds out hand for tip) Hopper Yes, I see your helping hand. Here's an Asiatic nickel for you. Now for this, you will keep our secret? If anyone should ask you, say you know we've been married for ages. Porter You will, of course, have your dinner served in your room? Hopper Oh yes, of course. Porter And the twin beds------ Katinka Oh! (Exits into hotel R.) Porter Oh, then I'll have them removed. Hopper No! Leave one for her, - one little one. Porter Don't worry. I'll keep your secret. Newlyweds, ha, ha, ha! (He exits into hotel R.) Hopper That fellow has a face like a fish. (Starts to hotel) (IVAN enters C. from R. down L.) Ivan (R.C.) Hopper! Wait a minute. Hopper (R.) Ivan! I'm glad to see you -- you and your little blue jacket. We've got to work fast; there's Izzet Pasha's harem over there. Ivan Then all we've got to do is see if Olga's still there. Hopper That's all we've got to do, but how are we going to do it? Ivan Suppose you just go in there. Hopper Stand back! (Stretches himself, grows important, fixes his hat) I'm not going to let a little thing like a harem frighten me. (Whistles "Yankee Doodle" softly and Xes to harem L. Does a break with iron knocker on harem door. Stands back and looks wise) Maybe the girls are out. What'll I say? Ivan Can you say something in Turkish? Hopper Can I talk Turkish? Easy! Mogulio, Fatima, Turkish towelio. (Knocks, no response) Maybe the girls are not home. (Knocks, then goes to Ivan C. Doors open immediately. HOPPER strolls in. GIRLS scream in harem, negro slaves chase Hopper out; he runs to extreme L.C., gets behind Ivan) Whoa whoa, you harem scarems. My, how the gold dust twins have grown. The one with the mustache is turning pale. The future looks very dark. I know their weakness. Shoot a nickel! (SLAVES laugh, run for nickel and exit into harem) (Hopper laughs, Ivan laughs) Ivan But is there no way out? Hopper (R.C.) Didn't you see me come out? First we must find some way in. Ivan (Xes L.) But I must find Olga! (PETROV enters R.U.E.) Petrov Ivan -- Ivan -- Abdul tells me there is a girl still in the harem who answers Olga's description! Ivan (L.) Then we'll stay here. Some time she's bound to come out! Petrov No! Whatever we do must be done at once. I have learned that Boris has followed on his yacht, and he may land any minute. Hopper (L.C.) If he lands, he'll land on me, and Katinka's registered here as my -- Oh, my Lord! (Up stage) Petrov Now, none of us can ever hope to go in there. Hopper In where? Petrov In there! (Points to harem L.) Hopper In the harem? (Grows chesty) Tell him! Ivan (Laughs) He was in. Hopper (Walks up stage, jumps around as if someone is behind him) Not only was I in, but I cam out! I saw both of them! Gillettes that long. But I drove them back again. Petrov But Katinka can go in. Hopper and Ivan Yes! How? Petrov (R.C.) Abdul tells me they are now landing some Circassian Dancing Girls for the harem. We'll let Katinka pose as a Circassian Dancing Girl. Ivan Why? Petrov So she can go with the others into the harem. Hopper Fine! (Enter KATINKA on porch) Petrov (R.) With the photograph I have given her, she will easily recognize Olga, if she's there. Now here's a Circassian dress I bought for her. Katinka Ivan! Ivan (Steps across to look up) Katinka! (Xes R.) (PETROV Xes L.C.) Hopper (L.C.) Tell her our plans. Be careful now, remember she's married. Ivan She shall be married to me. (Goes to fourth R.) Hopper That'll make three. Petrov (R.C.) Three? Hopper Boris, Ivan, and me. Petrov You? Hopper Oh yes! She's registered here as Mrs. Hopper. Petrov (Up L.C.) Ah, that is well. Hopper Well enough for her, but I'm getting heart failure. (Petrov exits R.U.E. Ivan on balcony) (Enter PORTER from hotel to R.U.E.) Porter, front! Stop! Whoa! Is there an American bar anywhere around here? Porter Over there, around the corner, I'll show you. (Toward Hotel R.U.E.) Hopper A cup of Turkish coffee might help. (Enter ABDUL L.3.E.) Porter To bridgegrooms I always recommend----- (Exits) Hopper Oh -- behave yourself. (Exit above R.U.E.) (Enter NASHAN) Petrov (Off) Abdul! Abdul! (Enters L.U.E.) Now, remember, the young lady is to be taken to join Halil and his dancing girls. Abdul (L.) But can she dance? Petrov No, but she can sing. Abdul But if she is not beautiful, Halil will not consent. Petrov She's there. (Points to Katinka on balcony) Abdul Allah! An angel! But does she consent? Petrov (Xes R.C. to Ivan on balcony) Ivan, will she join the Circassian Dancing Girls? Katinka Yes, I will do it. Petrov You hear? (He exits hotel R. with package) Nashan (In window) So up to your old tricks again? Abdul (L.C.) You've been eavesdropping! Nashan I have not---only listening! Abdul Then you know of the new bird of Paradise? Nashan Who is she? (Enter PORTER Hotel R.U.E.) (KATINKA and IVAN business all this time, exit) Abdul Tell me, who is that angel? (Points to balcony) Porter That is the bride of a rich American. Nashan An American? Porter His name is Hopper--newly married. (He exits hotel R.U.E.) Nashan And yet he wants to get rid of her. Abdul Poor little thing! Nashan We won't pity her until we've seen her husband. (Enter ARIF R., coming C.) Abdul Nashan! Arif (R.C.) By the sacred beard of Mahomet's prophet, what are you two gabbing about? Adbul (Down L.C.) A pretty wife! Nashan Of a rich American. Arif Well, what of it? Abdul (L.C., down) He wants to get rid of her. Arif (L.C.) She must be homely. Abdul (R.C.) Homely? She's a pippinette! Arif You interest me. What's her name? Abdul Hopper. Arif (C.) Hopper, Hopper. That's the name -- I met her. Abdul You saw her? Arif (Down C.) I was introduced to her right here. The lady was looking for forbidden fruit, and she expressed a most peculiar desire to see the inside of a harem. I have an idea. Go find this man Hopper, Abdul-- bring him here to me. Abdul I run with the feet of a camel. (Exits R.3.E.) Arif Nashan, go prepare a room for the lady. And another thing, it is quite possible that Media will take some girls on the five o'clock train; if so, it is well that you should go to guard them. Nashan Oh, please don't send me away from here. Arif Bosh, nonsense! The word of Arif Bey must not be questioned. Go! (Exit NASHAN and ARIF harem L.) (Enter TATIANA, VARENKA, BORIS, SPY R.U.E.) (SPY R. Points to hotel R.) (Enter Porter from hotel.) Boris (L.C.) Porter, did you have a Mr. Hopper registered here? Porter Yes. Boris This morning? Porter (R.) Their luggage came on the boat from Yalta. Varenka You see! Boris (C.) Who was with him? Porter His wife. Tatiana (R.C.) Can you swear to that? Porter (Bus.) Madam, you ask too much! Boris Did he act natural or nervous? Porter Naturally nervous. I think it was bride and groom. Boris (R.) I will see this bride and groom. Porter You wait in the reception room and I will find them for you. (Exit TATIANA, VARENKA, BORIS, SPY, hotel R.) (Enter HOPPER and ABDUL R.3.E.) Hopper (R.C.) Where are you taking me? Abdul Into the harem. Hopper Go right ahead. (Enter ABDUL into harem L. doors slam in Hopper's face) It's harder to get in there than the Martha Washington hotel. (Up C.) (Enter HELEN and KNOPF hotel) Knopf I'll go and see about other rooms. Helen But I couldn't think of moving here until my husband comes. (HOPPER sees Helen) Knopf Nonsense! I'll go and see about the room -- I'll be right back! (Exits into hotel R.U.E.) (MR. and MRS. HOPPER see each other) Hopper Helen! Helen (R.C.) Thad! Darl---where have you been? Hopper I have been lonesome, Helen. Look at me---I've been awfully lonesome. (Holds her in his arms and looks at balcony R.) Helen (Moving away) Did she roll much? Hopper How should I know? Helen How should you know? Well, if you don't, it's the first time in your life. Hopper Helen! Helen Every trip we've ever made you've turned turtle on the slightest roll of the sea. Hopper Oh, the sea! Helen Why, of course! What did you think I was talking about? Hopper I thought you were talking about the ocean. (Laughs, Xes L.) Helen Thaddeus T. Hopper, come here! Hopper Don't strike me, Helen. Helen I don't think you're well. Hopper Oh, Helen, it was an awfully rough voyage. (Cries. Arms bus.) Helen I think you had better lie down a while. Hopper Yes, I'll lie down, in your rooms, Helen, in your rooms. Helen Of course in my rooms--where did you expect? (Enter KNOPF from hotel R. Turn her around) Knopf Isn't that nice, Mrs. Hopper, your husband has already engaged rooms here. Hopper (Up to well) Oh, oh! Police! Helen, I'm sick, I'm sick, Helen. (Water) Helen What did you do that for? Hopper I shall explain it to you. (He kicks at Knopf behind Helen. She does not understand) You see, dear, when I went over to the Pera and I found you were not in, I came over here to look for you and when I saw the place over here, the well in the yard,and the little dog with the cane--- (KNOPF looks under the chair, then sits) I liked it ever so much better than the Pera, so I said to myself said I, "I'll get some good rooms for my little Helen -- as it were, and when you take a room as it were, you are taking some room. (Laughs) (KNOPF laughs. HOPPER yells at him. KNOPF falls back in chair.) Stop! Helen, look at the rugs, but don't buy any. (HELEN retires up as KNOPF Xes to Hopper) Knopf I knew you'd like it better here than the Pera. Hopper STOP! Who are you? Knopf Who I are? Hopper Yes, who are you? Knopf I'm Knopf! (Puff) Hopper (Turns away, puts up his coat collar, stands with head far above Knopf) Now, who are you? Knopf I am Herr Knopf from the Cafe Turkois in Vienna. My card. (2 cards) Hopper (Returns one card) I don't want to know you twice. Well, I'm an American--my name is Hopper -- here's my card. (He does a little trick with the card, it disappears) Knopf (Is fooled and insists upon looking for the card) Where's the card? Hopper (Backs him across the stage R.) You, you shrimp! Knopf Step your watch -- step your watch! Hopper What do you mean "Step your watch?" Knopf Watch your step. I've been trying all morning to get your wife to come over here. Hopper Oh, you have, have you? (Smiles) That's very nice of you, but you see I beat you to it. (Stamps on Knopf's foot) Knopf Oh -- oh -- oh ---- (Yells and hops around, sits on chair R., nurses foot) (HELEN down L.C.) Hopper It's all right, Helen, let him laugh. Knopf Laugh! Hopper (R.C.) Anything my wife wants done, I'm the little boy that's going to do it. Helen You're a dear, sweet, thoughtful boy! Hopper I've been doing more thnking in the last half hour than most men do in a lifetime. (Enter PORTER from hotel R.) Porter Ah, Monsier Hopper, there is a gentleman in the waiting room and he is impatient to see you. Hopper (R.C.) A gentleman to see me --- just a minute dear. It's just a little business. What's his name? Porter His name is Strogoff. Hopper What? Porter Boris Strogoff! Hopper Oh-o-o-o- (His knees begin to wobble) It's all right, it's all right -- it's my sea legs, the ocean, you know. (Takes Knopf's cane and walks as if with a crutch) Tell him I'll be there in a little while. Helen In the meantime, Porter, send someone to the Hotel Pera for my trunks, and have them put in my husband's room. (HOPPER waves his hand to the Porter; the Porter doesn't understand, looks stupidly at him) Porter Your husband's rooms? Helen Yes, Mr. Hopper's rooms. (HOPPER changes his actions to the Porter to an exercise movement as HELEN looks around) Helen (To Knopf) Whatever is the matter with you? Hopper Oh, it is a awfully rough voyage. Knopf (To Porter) Why do you stand there like an imbecile? Do what the lady want you to do. Porter Yes, yes, of course, but-but---- Helen I'll just take a run up and have a look at my rooms! Hopper No, no, Helen--not yet! He has to take out the twins. Helen (L.C.) What? Hopper The beds--the beds! Helen What are you talking about? Hopper Well, you see dear, I had the rooms re-arranged with flowers, and buds, and roses, and the wall paper with string beans---- Helen Ah, then you didn't forget it was our anniversary! Hopper (R.C.) Oh, no! I didn't want you to see them until you could get the full effects. Helen You haven't been so sweet to me since we had our honeymoon. Hopper I intend to be sweeter, Helen. Knopf By golly, I bet he was some honeymooner. (HOPPER rises) Porter He is yet. (KNOPF and PORTER exit hotel R) Hopper Oh, I'm still there with that sentimental stuff. "THE WEEKLY WEDDING" Helen Some folks, some quiet, glum folks Get married once in all their life. Hopper This day to them is bliss day But all the rest are storms and strife. Helen Then there are other men rare Who think of wooden weddings, too. Hopper And the China wedding olden, The silver and the golden. Helen But these for me won't do. (Enter CHORUS) On every Sunday, Or maybe Monday, We pick out one day on which we'll play At weekly wedding, then gaily treading, We'll dance through Tuesday, Wednesday Thursday and through Saturday To tune, dear Of honeymoon, dear On all the way For you and I dear That's if we try dear, Can keep our wedding bells a-jingling every day. (Dance and exit R.I.E.) Ivan (Enters R.U.E.) Katinka, is she ready? Petrov (Enters hotel R) Yes, she's here. (Enter KATINKA from hotel R) Katinka (Xes R.C.) Here I am! Do I look like a Circassian dancing girl? Ivan (L.C.) You look like a Circassian angel. Here are the plans. You are to join Halil and his dancing girls and go with them into the harem. Have you Olga's photograph? Katinka Yes, and if I ever get in, I will easily recognize her by that. Ivan Then we must hurry. (IVAN and KATINKA exit C to R) (Enter ABDUL from harem, goes C and peeks out) (Enter HOPPER from R.I.E., runs up behind Abdul, strikes him on the back. Then HOPPER goes down C. and sits on well) (Enter ARIF from harem) Abdul His Highness, Arif Bey. Hopper I've seen you before, in the window in a Greek restaurant. (He does bus. of turning cakes, then uses hat for dish, takes cakes to table R and serves) No thanks, no more butter - - - Arif Bosh! Who is this gentleman? Abdul Mr. Hopper. Arif Ah! Mr. Hopper! So harem-salam - salame. (Salaams) Hopper Right back at him. Delicattessen! You want to see me? Arif Yes, about that little affair with your wife. Hopper My wife? (To Abdul, who is up listening. ABDUL goes L. and stamps his foot. Places Fez tassel on Arif's cap over shoulder) Oh, that wife! Arif What? Hopper I mean that's what you mean. Arif Is it true what I have been told? You wish to lose this little wife of yours? Hopper Nothing would give me more pleasure. Arif It has occurred to you that it is a bit of a risk? Hopper Oh, she's willing. Arif To be sure, but it also takes some trouble, and Americans are always willing to pay for little troubles. Hopper Not willing, we have to pay. I got you stevedore. How much? (Takes out a check book and pen) Arif Well, just a small item. I don't care to talk about it. Hopper Small as that--fifty cents--twenty-five cents? Check book for a nickel, fountain pen for a dime. Look out -- I'll walk out on you in a minute. Arif Well, we'll say in American money--a thousand dollars. Hopper A thousand dollars? In our country it is so much for so much, but I see in Turkey it is so much for so little. Arif To get rid of a wife you do not want? It is a trifle! Hopper I suppose so. Come over in the office. A friend of mine will see that she joins the girls at the wharf. What's the name? Arif Arif Bey. It is not necessary, we have made other arrangements. And permit me to say, Mr. Hopper, your wife is charming. Hopper Thank you, Mr. Turkey. You Thanksgiving kid. Arif The wife of an American in my harem, it will be for my Pasha a sensation. Ha, ha, ha, ha. (Xes L. to exit.) Abdul (Follows) Ha, ha, ha, ha! Arif (Stamps foot) Hosh a lema! (ABDUL salaams) (ARIF exits into harem) Hopper Serves you right -- I hope he fires you! (MUSIC) (GIRLS X the bridge R to L. Halil) What's that? Abdul That's Halil and his Circassian dancing girls. Hopper Where are they going? Abdul He's bringing them here to the harem fountain. (HOPPER starts for bridge C.) (HELEN enters R.I.E.) Helen (R.) Thaddeus, where are you going? Hopper I'm going to get a bathing suit. (Exits C.) (ABDUL exits into harem L) (GIRLS enter from hotel and on veranda) (ARIF enters from house, L.C.) Arif It is warm? Helen (R.C.) Terribly! Arif Ah, but there beneath Allah's sparkling fountain, it is cool. It is Fairyland! Helen I wish we had some of it out here. You know, you more than half way promised I should see this fairyland. (Up C.) Arif I haven't forgotten my promise. All has been arranged. Helen (Sits by well, C.) Arranged? Arif With your husband. Helen You know him? Arif As a special favor to him, I promised that you should see beyond that wall. Helen When? Arif Now! Helen (Jumps down) Now? (Xes L) Just a peek! (Exits into harem L.) Arif Just a peek! (Doors slam) She's mine! (Enter CIRCASSIAN DANCERS and HALIL and form picture for the Oriental dance. BOY appears from harem, dances with principal and both exit into harem) (IVAN L.) Knopf (R.C.) Who's next? (To Halil) Tell me, can all the girls do something? Halil (Laughs) Sure, anyone. Knopf (Pointing to KATINKA, who has followed the Dancing Girls on, and is standing by well C.) That little yellow one? Halil (Laughs. L. Gets Katinka and leads her down C. where she sings second verse of "RACKETTY COO" When dear Mr. Dove Has told his love As gallant pigeons do He gives his little Miss A pretty pigeon kiss, And coos a fond adieu, Then away he'll fly. As tho' he'd try, To test her love and yet She can't be sure a sound But some hope he's around To make a love duet. (IVAN on R.C.) REFRAIN Every night I hear her sing, "Tweet, tweet," - etc. Knopf (After song-R.) I'll take the whole show. (HOPPER enters from hotel R.C. on last encore) Ivan (R.C., to Hopper) What does he mean? (Exit DANCING GIRLS into harem L, also HALIL) (KATINKA runs and exits into harem L) Hopper She's in! (PORTER enters from hotel R) Porter (On porch) Monsieur Hopper, the gentleman refuses to wait any longer, he must see your wife. Hopper Send him out -- I'll talk to him. Ivan (Up C) How's he going to see your wife, when she's in there? Hopper (R.C.) I'll introduce him to my regular wife! Ivan She's here? Hopper She's been here all the time! (Enter BORIS, TATIANA, VARENKA from hotel R. ARIF on L) Boris This wife of yours, you promised I should meet her. Hopper Yes, of course. My wife -- Helen -- Mrs. Hopper. Knopf (R.C.) I saw her talking to Arif a little while ago. Hopper Did you see which way she went? Arif (Points R) Hopper Knopf, see if she's in the hotel. (Exit KNOPF) I'm looking for Mrs. Hopper--have any of you seen her? All She was here a moment ago. Arif (Xes L.C.) Keep it up, keep it up -- you're doing nobly! Hopper (Xes R.C.) Nobly? What do you mean? Arif You're a wonder. Hopper I really believe you know where she is. Arif I? Oh, no! You sly dog, she's safe in there! Hopper I don't mean that one! Arif By Allah, how many have you? Hopper I mean my real wife! Knopf (Has entered) The lady I introduced to you a moment ago. Arif (L) That's the one I mean! Hopper You poor shadow of a Saracen simp, you have my wife locked up in that harem! (Chokes Arif and goes up to harem door) Arif This dog of a Christian hires me to hide his wife, his bride of a day! Boris Then it was Katinka! I demand you to bring her out to me! (Enter CHORUS) FINALE Boris (R.C.) Why stand you staring like a thing of stone He tells you he's declaring the truth and truth alone. Ivan (L. of Hopper) It means our ruin! Hopper (L.C.) Nothing doing! Chorus Why stand you staring like a thing of stone He tells you he's declaring the truth and truth alone. Boris I swear by Nirvannah, and all the gods above, This villain Americano he has robbed him of his love! Tatiana (R.C.) He stole her from her legal lord and master And there behind these gloomy walls he's cast her! (BORIS Xes to Tatiana) Chorus He stole her from her legal lord and master And there behind these gloomy walls he's cast her! Boris (Down R.) And now we've waited long enough, where is she? (Enter ARIF and HELEN from harem) Arif She's here. Helen (Spoken) Yes, what's the idea? Boris (Spoken) This is not my wife. There's been a mistake. Tatiana Why, no! Hopper (Spoken, comes C) She's my wife ---- I love my wife! Boris (Sing) I was wrong to have accused you! Helen Accused him of what? Hopper (C.) Oh, nothing at all! Boris (R.C.) I'm sorry that I abused him Helen (L.C.) Abused him, but why? Hopper (C. aside to Ivan) Say, come help us stall. Ivan (R.) Yes, it looks like a squall. Hopper (Xes L.C.) You see, dear, it was just this way, I'm telling you straight and true; He thought I'd stolen his bride of a day And hidden her here in this harem queer. Arif (Comes down L. of HELEN, who is L.C.) But you see it was only you. Helen He sold me? Hopper I - - - (Enter HALIL, KATINKA, and DANCING GIRLS from harem L. followed by NASHAN. HOPPER turns and sees Katinka) Where are they taking you to? (KATINKA places finger to lips - silence. He starts toward Boris, followed by GIRLS. HOPPER goes to Helen) Boris (Taking stage R.C.) Stop! Who are these girls, and where are they going? Arif They are Circassian Dancing Girls! Knopf I am taking them to my Cafe Turkish in Paris. Boris You are, are you? Well, they may go! (Exit KATINKA and GIRLS R.U.E. NASHAN starts to pass Boris, sees him, starts back toward harem. Gains courage and follows dancing girls off R.U.E.) Helen (L.C.) 'Tis the end, so farewell 'Tis the end, so good-bye When we wake from this spell We'll be strangers at last, you and I (Exit SLAVES) All the joys we have known Will be withered and flown, Like the leaves that die 'Neath a gray autumn sky. (Enter KATINKA and DANCING GIRLS followed by NASHAN across bridge up C from R) KATINKA Tweet, tweet. Ivan And hear an echo answer. Katinka Racketty Coo. Chorus Racketty Coo, and know that Rackey Coo means you. (HELEN takes string of pearls from her neck, hands them to Hopper, starts to hotel R. with KNOPF) (SECOND PICTURE: HOPPER bus. with pearls) CURTAIN Second curtain--They exit. Calls for the Company. "KATINKA" ACT III OPENING CHORUS In Vienna, in Vienna, girls are brightest, Their hearts are lightest, Their eyes are ever fair! When they smile their lips uncover pearls the whitest, And their laughter rings like music ev'rywhere. In Vienna, in Vienna, girls are sprightly, They caper nightly, In sweet, seductive swirls, And they love it when you dare to hold them slightly tightly For they are Vienna girls! (Into "My Paradise".) ACT III Red flood lights. KATINKA C. LADIES and GENTLEMEN -- FLUNKIES - WAITERS - FLOWER GIRLS - MAIDS - "MY PARADISE" Your eyes that once gazed into mine, Kindling sweet passion there, Who 'neath their power divine, Now bathes in their love-light rare? Who feels the glow of your cheeks Who hears the love-thoughts you speak? With lips that once I pressed, Dear lips, I once caressed! I wonder! REFRAIN Oh, tender charms that were mine, Who worships now at your shrine? Who feels your heart-beats, pure as prayer? Who feels the fire that slumbers there? Ah, memories that still burn, I love, yet try to spurn, You are my cross on which I agonize And yet, My Paradise! Your hands that I clasped in mine own Pressed like fair snow to my brow, Fingers of fire I have known, Ah, who feels their warm touch now? Who feels the thrill of your arm, So strong, yet so trembling and warm? Who now upon your breast Knows sweet Elysian rest? I wonder! (Katinka exits Arch R.E.) (Enter KNOPF Arch L.E. Enter DANCER C.) Knopf The spirit of Youth! (Dance and exit R.1.E) Fine, fine! (To Waiter) Waiter! (WAITER - PORTER of Act II) Let nothing go wrong tonight. I'm expecting two famous guests. The Russian Ambassador Boris Strogoff. Waiter I met him in Constantinople. Knopf And the beautiful American lady, whom all Europe is talking about, Mrs. Hopper. Waiter Yes, her husband sold her to a Turk. (Enter MRS. HOPPER from L. exit) Knopf (L.C) Ah, Mrs. Hopper, how do you do? Helen (R.C.) How do you do. Knopf I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you've been having with your husband. Helen Oh, that's nothing. I merely found out that the real road to love was the rocky road to troublin'. Girl Helen if only before marriage there was some way of recognizing one's soul mate. Helen There is. Chorus What is it? Helen Dance with him. Chorus Dance with him? Helen Have you never watched an unhappily married couple trying to dance? Knopf No! (Exit L.) Helen You've missed something. "I CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT YOU DANCE, DEAR" If you would know whom to marry, Take my advice and be wary, If you go blindly, you'll rue it. Taboo it, don't do it! Here is a rule that is surest, Safest and sanest and purest, Dance to this lay, And see if you both can truly say. REFRAIN I can tell by the way that you dance, dear. You have a thrill in your sway, Love with eternal romance, dear, All of your movements betray. And you put all my mind in a trance, dear.(EXIT STARTS) Sort of a soul jubilee. I can tell by the way that you dance, dear, That you were meant for me. (DANCE) (All exit after dance) (On encore all GIRLS exit. BOYS exit when Helen chooses dancer. DANCER appears and Helen and he dance. After Helen and Dancer encore, NASHAN and KATINKA from R.2.E) Nashan (Katinka stands C.) Ivan! (She looks R. Bus.) Nashan Ivan! (Looks L. Business.) He was here a moment ago. Katinka, you look that way and I'll look this. (Nashan exits L.E.) ("Racketty Coo" music starts - Katinka runs R. and then L. Answers "Tweet Tweet". It is taken up by IVAN off arch R.) (IVAN enters - Katinka goes to him and they finish song together.) Katinka Tweet, tweet. Ivan (R.E. Off stage) Racketty Coo, coo, coo, coo. Katinka Ah, how I wish that I could only say "Tweet, tweet," whenever I am blue. (IVAN enters Arch R.) Ivan And hear an echo answer "Racketty Coo", coo, Racketty Coo, And know that Racketty Coo means you. (They kiss) (Katinka goes L. to chair. Ivan goes up R. They both come down stage together for Ivan's solo. Sits L. table) "I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO KNOW" Ivan No one's near, I am waiting alone, dear. Come have no fear, For the hour is our own, dear. Moments of gold, we are wasting, Behold, Come to me, come to me. But let nobody dare to see. Chorus For no one must know the meaning, Of our secret, sweet and true. So I dare but whisper softly What my heart would call to you, So listen and you shall hear it, Dear, I love you, love you so. Our secret it is, yet somehow, dear, I want all the world to know. 2. Katinka Feel my heart, How its pulses are beating! Somehow I start At each shadow so fleeting. Fear I've never known, I but fear, that I own The unrest, sweet unrest, Of a love that is unexpressed. (Repeat chorus) (After encore, IVAN and KATINKA remain on stage C) Ivan Sweetheart! Katinka Any news of Olga? Ivan Petrov wired me that he had left Constantinople with good news. He's due here tonight. Katinka (L) Every night I must sing here and every night I think I see the eyes of Boris staring at me. Ivan (L.C.) Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure. (Enter NASHAN L. arch) Nashan Quick, someone is coming! (Exits L.3.E.) Hopper (Enters C. from L.U.E.) No, no, I'll tip any waiter! Ivan (L.C.) Hopper, you're going to see her again! Hopper (L.U.) Who, my wife? Ivan No, Katinka! Hopper Oh! Katinka (L.C.) Oh, Mr. Hopper. Hopper Not that I am not happy for you two, you understand. I like you, both of you. (To Katinka X C.) You the most, but I love my wife. Katinka (L.) Haven't you made up yet? Hopper Made up, I haven't even caught up. Katinka But Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure. Ivan (R.C.) Yes, he left Constantinople with good news. Hopper Good news from Constantinople, it can't be done. Ivan Nevertheless he has learned that Olga is still alive. Hopper Where is she? Ivan He doesn't know, but he has learned that she is somewhere here in Vienna. Hopper (L.C.) Good, if she's...... (Enter KNOPF L.) Knopf (L.C.) Ah, Mr. Hopper, how do you do? (Shakes hands) Hopper (R.C.) Out of my way, you made me lose my wife you pretzel. (X R.C.) Knopf Your wife isn't lost, she's here. Hopper Here? Knopf (R.C.) They call her the American Harem. The most talked of woman in Vienna. Hopper (R.C.) Stop! Don't mention Harem. Didn't they chase me out of one of them. There's only one way you can square yourself with me. Knopf What is it? Hopper Introduce me to my wife. Knopf She's here every night. Hopper With whom? Knopf (Dramatic) He's never the same. Hopper (Grabs him by the shoulder - holds picture) He never will be when I get through with him. Knopf In that case you'll have to fight an army. (Enter BORIS, TATIANA from L.U.E. Xes stage R.) Boris It's such a beautiful place. Tatiana Oh, the whole place is charming. Arif Madam, you must not leave here until you hear that little girl sing. Tatiana I shall be delighted. (Exit Boris, Tatiana and Arif, Arch R.) Katinka (Up L.C.) If I sing I'm lost. Knopf She must sing - as never yet. (X R.C.) Hopper She must not tonight. Knopf But why, as a friend I ask you why? Double why? Hopper Boris doesn't like music. Knopf But what excuse will I offer, why she won't, can't sing? Hopper Say anything, say she's ill, say she's sick, say she's lost her voice, but she must not sing tonight. (Enter NASHAN L.3.E., goes to table L.C.) Knopf (Xes L.) You want to ruin me? Hopper Come over here and let me talk to you in a language you understand. (Takes him down R.) Knopf What is it? Hopper My check book. Knopf Dat's nice. (Knopf looks at Ivan L.) Hopper How much will you sell me your showfor tonight? Knopf Chauffeur? I don't want to sell my Chauf--- Hopper Show - show cabarete. Knopf Oh, show. We'll say a little something, ten thousand kronens. Hopper That's thirteen dollars in our money. Hold up the desk. (Knopf holds up Hopper's leg for him to write upon) Now, remember, if she sings I cancel the check. Knopf (R.C.) Yah, yah. Nashan, she must not sing tonight. Nashan (Up L.) I understand. (Gag) (Exit Katinka, Nashan and Ivan, Arch L.) SONG: "SKIDISKISCATCH" Hopper Pay to the order of - how do you spell your name? Knopf Make it to cash, Wit a dash To avoid a clash. Hopper Penned it so often my wrist is getting lame! Knopf You're doing good You're a hero, that's understood. Hopper So I am a hero? Knopf That is understood. Hopper Spelt with a zero? Knopf That is understood. Hopper What? Knopf Best of living men? Hopper Best of living men? Knopf You have proved it with your little fountain pen. 1000 korenens. Hopper (REFRAIN) Skidiskiscatch! With his little pen in hand, Skidiskiscatch! Pay to bearer on demand! That's the sound they surely understand. In every clime and ev'ry single land. Skidiskiscatch! Skidiskiscatch! When he signs out his banking name, Hands it out to gent or dame! Ah, the whole world dances to his composition, when, In the check book that he totes, He puts down his pretty notes, With his little fountain pen. (Rises) (Hopper hands check to Knopf) Notes with the dollar sign ne'er will be ignored. Knopf Yes, but of course, You'll indorse! (Showing where to sign) That will give more force. Hopper (Signing the check) By jove, the pen is more mighty than the sword! Knopf Yes, and some day In my thanks you will get your pay! Hopper So I'll get your thanks, eh? Knopf Yes, without a doubt. Hopper Cashed at all the banks, eh? Knopf Yes, without a doubt. Hopper What! Knopf You will get it then -- Hopper I will get it when? Knopf You bribe the teller with your little fountain pen. (All enter) Hopper and Knopf (Refrain. Hopper and Knopf exit L.1.E. Enter Waiter and Petrov, arch R. Dance) Petrov (Enters) Waiter, are the Circassian dancing girls here now? Waiter They give a performance every evening. Petrov Thanks. (Exit arch R.3.L.) (ENTER BORIS, TATIANA, HELEN, arch R.U.E.) Helen I want to hear the little Circassian sing. (ALL cross to table L. and sit. HOPPER enters arch L. followed by Ivan, entering L. arch. Xes R.C. Waiter bus.) Hopper Ivan, we've got to break up that little tete-a-tete. If she ever finds out my wife has never been in Russia, "Gongadin", help us! (ENTER KNOPF L.2.E) Tatiana I thought you said, Mrs. Hopper, that the Circassians were to perform here this evening. (KNOPF comes down C.) Helen I did expect it. Ah, Mr. Knopf Media the little Circassian, she will sing for us. Knopf (L.) Sing - I'm very sorry Madam, but she's ill. (X L.C.) Helen Ill? Why only a moment ago I was talking to her. Hopper Check. Knopf (L.C.) Not that kind of illness, something has happened. Hopper (R.C.) Check - check book. Knopf I'll prove by her chaperon she's ill. (Ivan enters up R. Enter Arif Arch R.) Arif, call Nashan. (Exit Arif C. to L.) I'm sorry to disappoint your Excellency. (Exits L.3.E.) Boris (Rise) Oh, it is just as well, I'm afraid I shall not care to hear her. Tatiana Always there rings in his ears the song my daughter sang to him on his wedding night. Boris How will I ever forget her? Helen You seem terribly cut up. Did she die? Tatiana No, she was abducted on her wedding night. Helen Abducted on her wedding night. Some girls are born lucky. (Look up at Hopper. Business. Hopper leads himself half way. Business. Hopper enters immediately.) Boris If I ever lay my hands on the man who stole her from me. (Ivan exits R.3.) Hopper He means me. Helen Whoever it is, I hope he suffers. Hopper I'm afraid she's going to get her hope. Boris We will join you later. (Exit Boris and Tatiana Arch L.3.E.) (Helen rises and bows to them) Hopper Helen! I just came in! Sweetheart! Alone at last. Helen! My darling. Helen (She does not notice him but crosses R. to table. Hopper follows her with his eyes) This place if full of strangers. (Enter Knopf L.) Hopper Get out of here. Waiter. (Knopf fans him like a second in a ring) Helen Oh, don't mind him, he's only my husband. We're semi-detached. Hopper What's that? Knopf You're semi-detached. Hopper If I'm semi-detached, you're skidiskiscatched. That's his little game. I'll see my attorney. Knopf Get an injunction. Hopper I'll get an attachment. (Knopf laughs) Laugh -- laugh! Life means nothing to you, there's not enough of you. I want you to understand I love my wife. Knopf (Weeps) So do I. Hopper What! (Takes Knopf by the neck) Knopf My wife. Hopper (Throws him off) Who wants to love your wife. Knopf And do you really expect to get a divorce? Helen Why not. That's better than being locked up in a Harem, isn't it? At that a Harem isn't such a bad idea for the one who owns the Harem. As for me, if I ever do marry again--I said if -- Hopper Yes, if -- (Laughs) Knopf Yes, we heard you, if -- Hopper Yes, 1 1/2 heard you. Helen You know if I do marry again, it will be to a male Quartette. Hopper What did she say? Knopf She's going to marry a male quartette. Helen Think of the harmony we could live in. Hopper (Takes Knopf by the arm) Take me to a singing teacher. (They exit Arch L.) "I WANT TO MARRY A MALE QUARTETTE" Helen They say a woman is a weather vane, A fickle weather vane. Quartette Weather vane. Helen She's full of foolish whims you can't explain, Whims that you can't explain. Quartette Cannot explain! Cannot explain! Helen She turns from North to South and East to West North East to South and West. Quartette North East to South! South East to West. Helen To comfort her in all directions, it would seem 'twere best If she could get, A chance to net, A male quartette. Quartette A male quartette! Refrain We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize! So sweetly And so completely In tune and on the key We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize! In feeling, To some appealing Sweet melody. We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize! In tempo In some extempo, Domestic minuet, We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize, we'd harmonize! Oh, I want to marry a male quartette. Second Verse Helen I'd have a tenor who could entertain; Oh, he could entertain Quartette Entertain. Helen A business baritone for loss and gain He'll watch our losses and gains. Quartette Losses and gains, losses and gains! Helen A base cantante just for sympathy, He'll be for sympathy. Quartette Yes, he will be for sympathy. Helen And then a bass profundo For profound philosophy See, I will bet, it's great to fret, A male quartette. Quartette A male quartette! Refrain (At finish of number all exit L.1.E.) (Enter Helen, Boris, Tatiana, Arch L.1.E. Enter Knopf L. He goes L. to meet Nashan who enters C) Knopf Ah here's Nashan. She'll explain everything. Why she won't -- can't sing. (Enter Nashan C. coming down R.C.) Helen Ah Miss. I understand that a person named Hopper has bribed Herr Knopf not to allow the little Circassian to sing. If that is true, I will double Mr. Hopper's offer and you and the little girl may divide it. Is she ill? (Enter Hopper L. from L. down R.C.) Nashan No. Helen Then she will sing for us? Nashan With pleasure. Helen Thank you. Hopper Check stopped. Knopf Good night. (Exit Nashan C. to L.U.E.) Hopper I'll make one more effort to save my wife. Ah Your Excellency: (He makes an extravagant bow to Boris. He falls) Boris (Coming C) Ah my friend, I have not seen you since the embarrassing moment in front of Izzet Pasha's Palace. Hopper Yes you haven't shaved since. Tatiana Ah Mr. Hopper I'm so glad you two have come to a better understanding. Hopper Yes it is nice. Helen But we haven't. Hopper You see I thought we had. But we haven't. You see she wouldn't even allow me to explain. It was all a mistake. (Enter waiter arch R.U.E.) Helen Remember I saw the check. Hopper But you were not the one I meant to hide. Helen Then who was it? Hopper It was -- it was -- Boris (Stamps foot) Who was it? Hopper (Chokes) It was -- it was -- it was all a mistake. Tatiana (To waiter) Why, there is the man that was your porter at the hotel. (Points to waiter) Boris Here waiter. (Waiter comes down) You were porter at the Hotel Reich some three weeks ago. Waiter Yes. Boris Do you remember the gentleman? (Waiter looks at Hopper, he walks lame, fixes handkerchief like beard) Waiter Yes he was the nervous groom. Boris (To Helen) And this lady, was she his companion? Waiter Yes. She arrived later. (Up R.C.) Boris But she did not arrive with him on the boat from Russia. Helen I never was in Russia all my life. Tatiana (Xs L.C.) So. Hopper It's all over. Tatiana The woman who called for you on the night of Katinka's wedding was not your wife. Boris The woman that boarded that steamer with you was my little Katinka. Hopper Yes, it was a rough voyage. Boris Then you did steal my little Katinka? Hopper Yes. No. Yes. No. Helen Mormon. Hopper I didn't steal her. I just took her. Boris I demand you tell me where you have hidden here, where is she. Hopper (Crosses to Boris) I'll make a clean breast of this whole thing. Ivan (Enters R) Thaddeus. (Enter Arif L.) (All enter) Tatiana Yes. I know quite well for whom he meant to steal her. (Looks at Ivan) Hopper (To Arif) You are dismissed from my service. Arif Then it was not she whom you wanted me hide? Hopper (Arif up R.C.) You persian rug lay down. Boris Mr. Hopper, produce her within an hour or you shall give me the satisfaction due one gentleman from another. Hopper It's a good thing he apologized. Boris What do you mean? Hopper I'll show you what I mean. (Starts for Boris. Knopf separates them.) (Enter Katinka C.) (Song. Katinka sings first line of the "Heart of Song") (Boris takes off mask from Katinka) Boris Katinka. This woman is my runaway wife. She must come with me. Ivan No! No! (Katinka runs to him X R.C. He grasps her) (Enter Petrov R) Boris By the ancient law, she must come to Russia with me her lawful husband. (Enter Nashan C. from L.) (Enter Chorus) Nashan (L.C.) Stop. (CHORUS EXCLAIM) I have kept silent for years. But rather than see this little girl suffer as did your other wife, I speak. Boris Who is this woman? (Nashan removes veil -- looks toward Petrov R.) Petrov Olga. Boris My wife. Ivan My sweetheart. (Katinka goes into his arms) Helen My hero. (X R.C.) Hopper My God! (Refrain "On My Heart I Am Wearing Your Photo" into Racketty Coo) FINALE. On my heart I am wearing your photo, Because my heart, dear, is your heart in toto. And so I hold you pressed Upon my longing breast. But I'll give you this slight intimation; Although your photo's a fair illustration Of tender lips I have known, And the love that's my own, Still at best it's a chilly imitation; I think you'd better hurry home. Every night I hear her sing "Tweet tweet!" In tones so soft and true, Then hesitate until her mate Says Rackety coo! Coo, coo, coo! Then again she'll answer, "Tweet, tweet, tweet!" Whenever I am blue, And hear an echo answer! Rackety coo, coo, rackety coo! And know that Racky-coo means you! CURTAIN