KATINKA
Music by
Rudolf Friml
Book and Lyrics by Otto Harbach
This NYPL electronic edition was transcribed from
an unpublished
typescript with the permission of William O. Harbach.
VARENKA,Katinka's
maid............................Nina Napier
PETROV,
an old servant to Boris....................Albert
Sackett
BORIS STROGOFF,
Russian ambassador to Austria......Count Lorrie
Grimaldi
KATINKA
- his bride................................May
Naudain
TATIANA,
Katinka's mother..........................Norma
Mendoza
IVAN DIMITRI,
(Katinka's sweetheart)...............Samuel Ash
an attache to the Russian ambassador
THADDEUS HOPPER,
a wealthy American................Franklin Ardell
RUSSIAN DANCERS....................................Edmund
Makalif, May Thompson
HALIL,
a Circassian slave-trader..................A. Robins
KNOPF,
manager Cafe-Turkeis-in-Vienna..............W.J.
McCarthy
ABDUL,
a harem assistant...........................Daniel
Baker
ARIF REY,A warden of Izzet Pasha's
harem............Ed. Durand
OLGA (NASHAN),
first wife to Boris.................Edith Decker
Mrs. HELEN HOPPER,
Thaddeus Hopper's wife..........Adele Rowland
A SPY..............................................Harry
Cinton
M. PIERRE,
porter at Hotel Riche, Constantinople...Gustav
Schultz
DANCER.............................................Helen
Kroner
Guests, travelers, visitors, Austrian and Russian officers, Vienna
dancers, American and Turkish girls, bridesmaids, flower-girls, slave-girls,
barmaids, serving-maids, flunkies, waiters, etc. etc.
ACT I
1. Opening Chorus...............................Varenka and Chorus
2. Vienna Girls.................................Ivan and Chorus
3. THE BRIDE....................................Boris, Katinka, Tatiana and
Chorus.
4. ONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND......................Katinka and Chorus
5. KATINKA......................................Male Quartette
6. IN A HURRY...................................Thaddeus Hopper and
Chorus
7. 'TIS THE END.................................Ivan and Katinka
8. RUSSIAN DANCE................................May Thompson and Edmund
Makalif
9. FINALE.......................................Ensemble.
ACT II
10. OPENING CHORUS.............................Olga and Chorus
11. CHARMS ARE FAIREST WHEN THEY'RE HIDDEN.....Olga and Chorus
12. YOUR PHOTO.................................Mrs. Hopper and Boys
13. ALLAH'S HOLIDAY............................Olga and Chorus
14. THE WEEKLY WEDDING.........................Mr. & Mrs. Hopper
15. I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO KNOW...............Ivan
16. CIRCASSIAN DANCE...........................
17. RACKETY COO!...............................Katinka and Chorus
18. FINALE.....................................Ensemble.
ACT III
19. OPENING CHORUS: VIENNA GIRLS.
20. MY PARADISE................................Ivan
21. BALLET DIVERTISSEMENT......................May Thompson
22. MIGNONETTE.................................Kroner and Makalif.
23. I WANT TO MARRY A MALE QUARTETTE...........Mrs. Hopper and Boys
24. SKIDIKISCATCH..............................Hopper, Katinka, Ivan,
Knopf, Arif and Olga.
25. I CAN TELL BY THE WAY YOU DANCE DEAR.......Mrs. Hopper and Girls
26. FINALE.....................................ENSEMBLE.
ACT I (House)
2 baskets of wine
6 bottles to basket
Wedding cake on Gold Tray
Garlands
White riding whip
White silk pillow
Gold Tray
Cloth
Gold knife
Gold salt box
Black bread
8 Long Handled flower baskets
Artificial flowers with stems
Artificial flowers to throw away
Flower boxes around top of balcony
Flower boxes around base of house
Stone bench C.
Stone bench eash side of gate C.
(Room of House K.)
Carpet
Ladies Dressing Table
Chair
Settes
Curtains all windows
Drapery for dressing table
(Arch R.)
Arbor table R.
Cloth
7 plates, knives and forks
2 dishes of fruit
Napkins
Silver tray with fives glasses of wine
(Off R.U.E.)
8 staffs with shower bouquets
8 bouquets of flowers
Organ and stool
Chimes and mallet R.1.E.
Russian Drosky R.U.E.
2 White Pigeons
Napkin (Hopper)
Passport (Hopper)
Ground Cloth
Rosin Beards
PROPERTY DEPARTMENT
ACT II
Knocker on door L
Well C
Rope
Bucket
2 Green Tables
4 Chairs
Stone bench
Rug in Harem window L.
Flower boxes, balcony House R
Ladies Traveling Bag
Small Suit Case
Traveling Rug and strap
Package (Petrov)
Bazaar canopy (Turkish Store R.U.E)
Turkish instruments
Rugs and Turkish hanging pieces
4 Brass Urns
Ground cloth
Note for hell boy
2 Old Turkish Guns
Incense Pot
Chair in Turkish store
Turkish Fan
Brass Armlets
Parrot (Halil)
Turkish Coins (Hopper)
Check book (Hopper)
Order book (Porter)
Old Painting Store
Inlaid mahogany shelf (Store)
2 Scimitars (Harem L.)
Turkish Market Basket (C.L.)
Brass water pitcher (C.L.)
Turkish instruments (Halil)
Necklace and Locket (Mrs. Hopper)
Portrait, Ivory (Katinka).
PROPERTY DEPARTMENT
ACT III
2 large papier mache Urns
2 Pedestals
12 Gold chairs
4 Gold Tables
Green tables and Chairs from Act II
4 Champagne Buckets
Four Flower Baskets with Flowers
Two Silver Trays
12 Champagne glasses
Match and Ash Trays on each table
Cigarettes
2 Baskets of Ferns (Arches)
Long Curtains (Arch R. and L.)
Small Curtains (Small Arches)
Baton (Mrs. Hopper)
Whistle (Hopper)
Ground Cloth
Carpet on Stairs and platform.
ELECTRICAL DEPARTMENT
ACT I
Foots all white
1-2-3-4 Borders white and blue
3-4 Borders have Amber
Companies Borders
Bridge Lamps R.L. White
White Bunch R.2.E.
Amber Bunch Arch R.
2 White Bunches R.U.E.
1 White R.U.U.
2 White strips back of drop
White Bunch, in Room house L.
Strips over windows down stairs of House L.
Side Lamps in Room on Wall
Strips over door. Up stairs of house L.
White Bunch L.U.E.
2 White Bunches above wall
2 floods (White) front
2 White Spots front
Lense Lamp with Amber from door house L.
Everything White but Arch R. Amber is used here. Bunch and strips are on in
House R. until after Church Song. Then off. 1st Change.
KATINKA Cue -"There they are now" (Two pigeons appear on gate C.)
Start
everything to AMBER. White Foots and Borders 2/3 down.
Right and Left to C. of
Stage. AMBER floods - AMBER bunches.
White spot on Ivan and Katinka. AMBER
REMAINS ON BRIDGES ALL
OTHER LAMPS CONTINUE ON INTO BLUE. WHITE foots 2/3 down
FINALE.
When Katinka appears on Balcony L. AMBER spot (Head) from
Bridge
R.
Cue - Last note of Harp Solo -lights on in room of house L.
Cue - When
3 girls exit - Lights OFF.
Second Curtain lights on in room of House L.
Cue
White Spot on Katinka Carriage C.
ELECTRICAL DEPARTMENT
ACT II
Opening foots 2/3 down
Bridges R.L. Blue
Companies border Blue
All
but Fourth Border Blue
Amber in Fourth Border UP FULL.
2 Amber Bunches R.
and L. Behind Wall
Blue floods front
Small Blue SPOT (head) from Bridge R.
to harem window L.
Magenta in harem window and Upper Half of lower door
Blue lense Lamp from harem door below Magenta Color
Amber Strips in Hotel over
doors and windows
Magenta in Turkish Store R.U.E.
Cue -
The Woman in
Harem starts to sing - Start everything up slowly
to WHITE. Be up by finish of
song.
Change
Mr. Hopper and Helen in "Weekly Wedding" Number. Second
Encore
everything OUT. Lobster-scope FRONT BLUE.
Second change
Cue --
Dancing Girls enter and sit in semi-circle.
Foots 2/3 down Blue Borders - Blue
Bridge lights - Blue Spots
Blue Floods- Magenta and Blue in harem
Magenta
in Turkish store
Two bunches off R. above wall (blue)
ACT III
Opening
3 Large Chandeliers on
Four Bracket Bunches on
Electric
Piece L. arch on
Foots 2; 3 down
Amber spot on singer
When Dancer
enters WHITE or Straw Spot
AFTER DANCE -- ALL incandescents WHITE
Straw
Bunches L.
Lake Blue Arches C.
Lake Blue Arch R.
LAKE BLUE
R.U.E.
Change
Encore Mrs. Hopper's Number "Dance With Him"
Cue
When Knopf spins off Arch R. CRASH in Orchestra
Everythign out but TWO Blue
Bridge spots FOLLOW DANCERS AT
FINISH OF DANCE
PINK spot on C. Arch for
Katinka. Keep this on for "Rackety!
Coo." Also for Tenor's SOLO. The TWO BLUE
BRIDGE spots also
remaining on.
After Number - Everything up full.
ACT I
Villa of Boris Strogoff at Yalta, Russia, on the Black Sea. Late afternoon and
evening of a summer day.
TIME: Just before the WAR Intermission - Ten Minutes.
ACT II
A street in Old Stamboul, Turkey (or Street in Old Anzali Peraia)
Intermission - Ten Minutes.
ACT III
Herr Knopf's Cafe, Turkoise -- In Vienna, Austria (or Cafe Parisienne,
Paris)
Three Weeks Later.
MUSICAL NUMBERS
Orchestra Conducted by John McGhie
ACT I
Opening Chorus..................-Varenka and Chorus
"In Vienna"............................-Ivan and Chorus
"Russian Wedding March"...............-Boris, Katinka, Tatiana & Chorus
"One Who Will Understand"...........-Katinka and Chorus
"Katinka".............................-Ivan and Male Chorus
"In a Hurry".........................Hopper and Chorus
"Racketty Coo".......................Katinka and Ivan
"Russian Dance"......................-Russian Dancers
Finale................................Company.
ACT II
"Allah Holliday"......................Olga and Chorus
"Your Photo"..........................Mrs. Hopper and Boys.
"The Weekly Wedding"..................Mrs. Hopper & Thaddeus
Carcassian Dance......................Dancers
"The Walking Music Store".............-Halil
Finale................................Company.
ACT III
"My Paradise".............................-Katinka
"I Can Tell By The Way They Dance Dear"...-Mrs. Hopper
"I Want All the World to Know".............Ivan
"Skidaskiscrach"...........................Hopper and Knopf
"I want to Marry a Male Quartette".........Mrs. Hopper and Boys
Finale.......................................Company
Guests Travelers American Girls Bridesmaids Visitors Turkish Girls Flower Girls
Barmaids Serving maids -Slave Girls- Vienna Dancers
Guests American Men Waiters Flunkie Austrian Officers Servants Russian
Officers
Scenery Act I and II built by Theodore Reisig
Scenery Act III built by Hanna & Lennon
Scenery painted by Sundquist Properties by Gebhardt
Costumes by Paul Arlington Co. Inc.
Mens clothes by Brooks Uniform Co.
Shoes by Sinatra
Artificial flowers by Armstrong & Mackie.
Opening Song inside Church -- "Give them your Tokens" Church right, above wall.
PETROV R.C. VARENKA L.C.
Give them your tokens, tender and true
Let no man dare to sever
(The above is taken by BORIS - IVAN - TATIANA - BRIDESMAIDS - MEDIUMS with
ORGAN SERVANTS & GUESTS)
So they are man and wife Married for life!
Boris is swelling with pride
Tearful and trembling there
Charming Katrina fair
Tries all her blushes to hide!
For she's now the bride!
Spread then the festive board
For her new Lord!
--Ring forth the rosy red wine,
Bring in the wedding cake
And for Katrina's sake
Garlands of flowers we'll twine
For Cupid's shrine!
(Looking off R.)
Now to the Church doors outward swing
While pretty bridesmaids sing
And like notes form an angels choir
High in the gilded spire
Wedding bells gaily ring.
Varenka
(R.C.)
The ceremony is almost over.
(Goes to table R. - Xes to L.1.E.)
They're married.
Others
Ring! Ring!
Ring out your tidings
Dear old bells!
Ring! Ring!
Ring for your chidings
True love spells!
Fling! Fling!
Fling out your golden
Notes so clear
Cling! Cling! Cling to our
golden motto dear
For to honor, love and obey
Is far better than wasting away!
Swing! Swing!
Swing out your lay
Wedding bells
Wedding bells.
Medium
(Up to the girls)
Look, the people are pouring out of the church. See there are the
bridesmaids.
Varenka
(To Maids)
Is everything ready?
Varenka
Boris is not one to forgive mistakes anywhere, much less at his own wedding, eh,
Petrov?
Petrov
(L.C.)
Don't I remember poor Olga. She was young and pretty, too. Just like a little
Katinka is now. Little Katinka, I hope she'll be happier than the first Madam
Strogoff.
Varenka
Shame on you, to be talking like an old raven.
Petrov
Say what you will, the old Russian proverb is right.
Petrov
When December marries May, the love birds fly away.
Varenka
How can you look in the face of Katinka and say she's not happy!
Petrov
Will she be able to look in the face of Ivan and say she is happy?
Varenka
Ivan! Why she's forgotten him.
Varenka
Well, from what we hear of Ivan's life in Vienna, he'll be the last to care.
Girl
(On the wall L. of gate)
Look, look, it is Ivan Dimitri.
Varenka
(R)
Ivan coming to the wedding? The insolence!
(Down R.C.)
(Enter IVAN gate C. from R.)
Were you at the church?
Ivan
(Down)
You are right. Boris Strogoff has picked the sweetest flower in Yalta. I wish him
joy.
Varenka
It doesn't seem as though his heart is breaking.
Petrov
The open laugh oft drowns the secret sob. I admire his pluck.
Varenka
I admire his nerve. He should have stayed away.
(Petrov exits L.1.E.)
Ivan
Hello, Varenka! Scowling, and on a night when everyone should smile.
Varenka
You seem to find it easy.
Ivan
And why not? They tell me Katimka makes a most happy bride so let the world be
gay.
Varenka
Gaiety seems to be the principal thing you brought home with you from Paris.
(Xes L.)
Ivan
Do you think so?
(Exit Varenka L.1.E.)
Girl
(Coming Down)
Are the Vienna ladies then, so much dearer than we?
Ivan
Well not eactly dearer; rather, I may say, nearer.
(Places arm around girl)
Ivan
I mean they know just how to keep cool without being chilly.
Girl
(R)
Just what do you mean by that?
Girl
(L)
I wish you'd explain yourself.
(Number)
"VIENNA GIRLS"
If one is looking for the right girl,
One who knows the art
Of soothing head and heart
For she must be both day and night girl
With pretty witty ways
That brighten days;
And that light
In her eyes when it's night
That's the kind
You'll be surest to find.
Refrain
In Vienna
In Vienna
Girls are the brightest
Their hearts are lightest
Their eyes are ever fair
When they smile their lips uncover pearls the whitest
And their laughter rings like music everywhere.
In Vienna
In Vienna
Girls are sprightly
They caper nightly
In sweet seductive swirls
(Enter ponies)
And they love it when you dare to hold them
Slightly
Tightly
For they are Vienna girls.
II
If one is looking for a shy girl
Who loves to stay at home
All drowsy and alone
A little never-tell-a-lie-girl
A girl who thinks it's guile
To learn to smile
Who would swoon
If you asked her to spoon
She's the kind
That you won't ever find
(R.2.E)
(Enter Varenka, from house L., crosses to gate C.
then Xes R.C.)
Varenka
(Five girls extra bridesmaids)
The Wedding Party approaches.
(Music. VARENKA goes down R., serving maids dance around--
One serving MAID enters house, comes forth with gold tray,
and cover - with black bread, gold knife, gold salt cellar-
takes it down R. --FOUR LITTLE GIRLS hold it in air, while
the girl who brought it dances between them. Four little
girls take tray up to gate C. and lead wedding march)
(Enter gate C from R. KATINKA, BORIS followed by TATIANA,
BRIDESMAIDS, BOYS and GIRLS)
The Bride
Welcome the bride with song
And anthems of golden cheer
With anthem ringing clear
Dispelling doubt and fear
And may their happieness be long
And may the bonds be strong
Sealed with a love most dear!
And welcome the lucky man,
Who stands by her tender side,
His smiles be e'er upon her
Tender and true - tender and true!
Duty, love and honor be his guide
Love be his guide
For she's his bride
(BORIS breaks small bit of bread, salts it, presents it
to Katinka. She touches it to her lips)
So once again with song and anthem
We greet the bride and the lucky man
Who walks by her side
May the bloom of their love abide!
May love abide!
(SERVING MAID enters from house L. with small white
whip on pillow - goes down to L. of Katinka - Katinka
takes whip in right hand and kneels before Boris C.)
Katinka
My gracious master, according to the custom of my forefathers
I give into your hands the symbol of your power and token of
my obedience to your slightest wish.
(Boris accepts whip)
Boris
The obedience you do offer, thus
(Touches her on shoulder with whip)
do I deign to accept.
Katinka
(Rises L.C.)
What would you have me do?
Boris
(To all)
What favor shall I ask?
Boris
Katinka, sing.
(Touches her on shoulder with whip)
(Ivan enters from R.1.E. KATINKA song - down stage)
"ONE WHO WILL UNDERSTAND"
I will breathe all the joys of my heart
In a song, just a simple song
Would its notes could but impart
Thoughts that here, within me throng
I will teach its refrain to the breeze
Where 'twill live, or 'twill die
Or maybe someone, somewhere, please
And rob a soul of a sigh.
Chorus
In the heart of a song
I have hidden my heart and its burning
To its measures belongs
All my soul's eager yearning
Its refrain may yet reign
Over sea and land
Thousands yet may hear it
Many who will cheer it
One who will understand
(Looks at Ivan)
(Katinka retires to mother and places her head on
Mother's breast. Down stage again for encore)
(At finish of song Boris takes Katinka's hand and
leads her around stage)
(Katinka exits, house L. - the above is done to the
following)
So once again with song and anthem
We greet the bride and the lucky man
Who walks by her side
May the bloom of their love abide
May love abide.
(Exit KATINKA and BRIDESMAIDS into house. Ivan crosses R.
to Petrov. Girls chatter and cross L. to Tatiana)
Girl
Wasn't she beautiful?
Tatiana
My daughter, isn't she beautiful?
Girl
Well, for my part, I don't like the ceremony of the whip.
Tatiana
Well you see, it is an old custom that used to symbolize the true
meaning of marriage. Now, in our time Boris!
Boris
In our time, you mean in your time, mama.
(R.C.)
Tatiana
Mama? I like that.
Boris
Well, as they say in Russia, you have lost
a daughter, but you have gained a son.
Ivan
(R.)
Fair exchange is sometimes robbery.
Ivan
I said fair exchange is no robbery.
Boris
And now, the beautiful mama, what were you saying?
Tatiana
I said in my time we took a man to be our lord and master; a
husband took that for granted.
Girl
They take it for granted yet.
Ivan
You're right, the things we take for granted are the things
we soonest lose.
Boris
And you Ivan, I did not see you at the church, and as a
punishment you must toast my bride.
Ivan
Why certainly, with pleasure.
Boris
Varenka, some wine.
(Enter VARENKA from an arch R. with tray of wine)
"KATINKA"
Boris
In this ruby cup of wine, Katinka.
Chorus
Where the bubbles shine, Katinka.
Boris
They have caught the pretty the pretty grace of your smile.
Ivan
Captive for awhile
And the sparkle of your eyes, Katinka
Weaned from April skies, Katinka
Boris
In the goblet's crystal depths brightly gleams,
Ivan
Like a star seen in dreams
And although her pretty charms
May never be mine.
Chorus
Pretty charms may ne'er be mine.
Ivan
Still I hold them in my arms,
In this chalice divine.
Chorus
In this chalice, divine.
(KATINKA appears on balcony)
Sweet Katinka, sweet Katinka,
You are like a rose, Katinka,
Just as fair dear, just as rare dear,
And I love you, heaven knows
Even angels seem to worship you,
For they sent you the charms from the blue
Oh, the joy dear, 'twere divine
If you were only mine.
(Exit Tatiana L.)
(Exit Chorus)
(Katinka exits from balcony. Boris crosses laughing with Girl and
exits arch R.)
Petrov
Boris Strogoff seems a happy man.
Ivan
No one should know better than I how happy he should be, but
as they say in America, "Laugh, and the world laughs with you"--
Petrov
Snore and they won't let you sleep.
(CHORUS outside, laugh)
Ivan
Are you sure that is the exact quotation?
Petrov
Certainly, I had it from an American himself.
Chorus
(Ponies)
(Enter laughing)
An American?
Petrov
Yes, the gentleman we met in Vienna. His name is Hopper.
Ivan
Yes, Thaddeus T. Hopper, most genial, and so wholesome.
Ivan
As an ocean breeze. By the way, Petrov, you have an eye open
for him.
Varenka
He's coming to the wedding?
Girl
Think of it, an American.
Girl
That means he's rich.
Girl
I must polish up my vocabulary.
Ivan
You needn't, he'll do all the talking. But he's charming, and
his wife ---
Ivan
Yes. Oh, don't let that worry you, these Americans have very
large hearts. Petrov, look out for him.
Petrov
I will.
(Exits R.3.E. arch)
Varenka
Where did you meet him?
Ivan
I meet him at the Cafe in Vienna.
(Exit Varenka)
(Music. Enter HOPPER gate C. from R. down to Ivan L.)
Ah, Hopper! I'm glad you've come.
Hopper
Just a minute, look at all the pretty girls - give me room.
(Looks around)
Say, where did I get the idea that Russia was only famous for
its caviar. Well, introduce me.
Ivan
I beg your pardon.
(Crosses C.)
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my dear friend from
America, Mr. Thaddeus T. Hopper.
Hopper
B'n swan--whatever that means.
Hopper
(Turns to girls behind him)
Charmed over here, too. Well is the big show over?
Hopper
I mean am I too late for the ceremony?
Girl
You've just missed something most interesting.
Girl
The ceremony of the whip.
Hopper
Why they don't use the whip in our country until two years
after the wedding.
Girls
Two years afterwards?
Hopper
Or at least just before the divorce.
Girl
Well, for my part Mr. Hopper, I'll never say love, honor and
obey to any man.
Hopper
That's quite possible. Say listen, girls. Opportunities come
when least expected.
Girl
I am afraid you are somewhat of a joker, Mr. Hopper.
Hopper
Well, I wouldn't mind being a joker running wild in a deck
like this, if someone would only keep shuffling the cards.
Ivan
Ha, ha, ha!
(Exits R.1.E)
Hopper
Who said that? But what's the use of shuffling, when every
card's a queen. That means you --
(Crosses R.)
That means you alone.
Girls
Mr. Hopper, are you really married?
Hopper
(Looking around)
Well, I'm on my vacation.
(Business)
Girl
I'm afraid Ivan told the truth about you.
Hopper
No. What did he say?
Girl
He said, you were so bright and so fresh.
Hopper
Oh, he told you that, did he?
Girl
Yes, now we know what one means, when one speaks of you windy
Americans.
Hopper
Breezy that's better.
Girl
Is it true, that you Americans are always in a hurry?
Hopper
Oh, no. Oh no! You see sometimes we pass ourselves, then
have to wait until we catch up to ourselves.....
(Girls go R.L.)
and in the meantime, we rest.
NUMBER: "IN A HURRY"
Every real old Yankee's in a hurry
No matter why or where he is, or what he has to do
He simply cannot live without his flurry
Before he starts to do a thing he's nearly half way through
Often when he has to take a journey
He's up and gone and home again before you've time to pack
And when he's on the road at any turn,
He will meet himself already coming back.
REFRAIN
He's in a hurry
A hurry
At noon and night time
All time is flight time
Believe me!
No time for him is slow time
Believe me!
No time for him is slow time
It's always hustle, rustle, bustle, tussle
Hustle, rustle, bustle
In a hurry
A hurry
In spring or winter
He is a sprinter
Believe me!
He's some hiker
He's no piker
Meets a girl on Sunday
They are married Monday
No matter what he has to do
He's always in a hurry.
(Exits R.1.E)
(Exit Girls)
(Encore -- Enter from R.1.E. Walk around bench C.
twice -- second time you find TATIANA standing C.)
Hopper
Excuse me, I'm in a hurry.
(Starts R.U.E.)
Hopper
(Returning)
It's a good thing you called me back, I'm an American, my
card.
(He hands playing card, sees his mistake. Offers
calling card. Tatiana takes card and drops it to
floor)
Now that we are acquainted, my name is Hopper.
(Tatiana looks at him, he backs away)
(IVAN enters R.1.E.)
You life saver, introduce me.
Ivan
Certainly, Countess Verenoff, may I present my friend Mr.
Thaddeus T. Hopper.
Tatiana
(Frigidly)
Mr. Hopper.
Hopper
Countess -- I -- I am charmed.
(Fans himself with hat)
There's a cool breeze blowing.
Ivan
Yes, that's from the Black Sea yonder.
Hopper
Well, well, isn't it blue, the Black Sea? I thought it was
the Arctic Ocean.
(Tatiana looks at him in amazement)
I'm always mixed up in my georgraphy, when I'm travelling.
Tatiana
(Crossing to R.C.)
Yes, perhaps you will be able to find your bearings in the
garden. They are serving refreshments there. Bon soir,
Signore.
Hopper
San Diego, Nellie.
Tatiana
I said they are serving refreshments in the garden.
(Looks at him and exits house)
Hopper
I think I will go home and finish my packing.
(Crosses R.C.)
Ivan
Yes, I move we go.
(Starts C.)
Hopper
Another thing I move.
(Starts C. KATINKA enters from house L.)
Motion-over-ruled.
(Down stage)
Katinka
(Coming down L. of C.)
Ivan, you're not going without introducing your friend to me.
Ivan
(Coming down R.)
We're in a hurry.
Hopper
Don't you believe him. I'm never in a hurry.
(To Ivan)
She's much warmer than the other.
Ivan
May I present my friend from America, Mr. Thaddeus Hopper?
Hopper
Am I to understand then, that this is the bride?
Ivan
Yes, this is the bride.
Hopper
Accept my very best wishes for many happy re- that is I mean
to say -- I'm charmed. Do you know -- I'd like to meet your
husband!
Hopper
I have a great curiosity to see the man selected by Heaven to own such
happiness.
Katinka
That's a very pretty speech.
Hopper
I have a very pretty subject.
(Business with Ivan, pulls his coat. To Ivan)
Go, my boy! Of course Ivan warned me I was to see the loveliest bride
in Yalta.
Katinka
Oh he said that, did he?
Hopper
Yes, yes. We had a saying "Follow Ivan and you can't go
wrong," and they did. Married women and all.
Katinka
That isn't the way I heard it.
Katinka
Follow Ivan and you're sure to go wrong.
Ivan
Oh, a lot of unfounded gossip.
Hopper
I don't know my boy, you did show me a few regular nights.
Ivan
Yes, but that was afterwards.
Katinka
Afterwards?
(Surprised)
Ivan
After I knew that a woman's word can be as easily broken as
the paper upon which it is written.
Hopper
Oh, I remember, he did get a jolt from some fair Russian honey
bee.
Katinka
I thought I knew pretty well all about Ivan's love affairs.
Hopper
Oh, there was some little girl who promised to marry him and
then at the last moment sent all his presents back and married
someone else. That's better than they do in my country, they
generally forget to the return the presents.
(Hopper walks up stage R.C.)
Katinka
I know Russian girls pretty well -- I'm afraid Ivan deserved
it.
Ivan
Deserved no answer to letters for months and months. No
explanation of any kind. Nothing but a curt note from her
mother announcing her engagement to another man.
Katinka
Ivan, what are you saying?
Ivan
I'm telling you the truth. I wrote you letter after letter
begging for an explanation of your silence.
Katinka
I never got them, and I wrote you week after week, and never
a reply.
Ivan
Then we've been duped, cheated.
Hopper
(Coming down R.C.)
Ivan -- is this the little girl you wanted to drown yourself
for?
Hopper
He was strong for the river, but I convinced him that wine
was in much better taste, which I had to pay for, I'm sorry
if I started something that you can't finish -- but I'm
afraid that in cases of this kind, two heads are better than
three.
(Crosses R.)
Remember Ivan, our boat sails in half an hour. So Madam, as
you would say in your beautiful language, Goodnight owich
-- Goodbye ovich!
(Exits into Garden)
Katinka
Oh, Ivan, have I permitted to think ill of you and you
of me unjustly?
Ivan
Little girl you know I've never had a serious thought for
any woman in the world but you.
Katinka
I see how they schemed it all, your appointment to Vienna,
your letters which Varenka never brought me, my letters to
you which Varenka never posted. Oh, Ivan -
(BORIS and GIRLS laugh in garden R.)
(4 GIRLS enter R. and sit at table in arch up C.
KATINKA crosses R. and listens)
Katinka
What shall we do?
Ivan
There's nothing to do, nothing to say, but goodbye.
Katinka
No, not yet.
(Sits C.)
I must talk to you for just a little while. I want you to know
that never for one moment have I forgotten you. Why, the day
I gave all your pretty presents to mother to return, I thought
I should die of crying-- I ---
Ivan
And the day I received them I thought I should go mad.
Katinka
I sent them all, all but the little white pigeons you gave
me last Easter, I just couldn't give them up.
(Rises)
And Ivan, what do you think -- she's found a mate.
Katinka
Yes, a big handsome fellow, every day he comes from somewhere
and tells her how he loves her. You should see them.
(Two white pigeons appear on posts of gate C.)
Why there they are now!
(NUMBER)
"RACKETTY COO"
(KATE L.C.) (4 down too)
Just beneath the eaves,
'Midst ivy leaves A little pigeon dwells
She's very circumspect,
Au-fait and quite select
As every neighbor tells
Quiet and alone,
As still as stone,
She sits the whole day long,
But when the sun shows day is done,
It's quite a different song.
REFRAIN
Every night I hear her sing, "Tweet, tweet"
My little pigeon true
Then hesitate Until her mate
Says "Racketty Coo, coo, coo, coo"
Then again she'll answer "Tweet, tweet, tweet"
Which means that she'd say
I'm all alone dear
Come on, now why stay away?
(Back to L.)
Ah, how I wish that I need only say
"Tweet tweet" whenever I am blue,
And hear an echo answer
"Racketty Coo, coo, Racketty coo."
And know that Racketty Coo means you.
When dear Mr. Dove
Has told his love
As gallant pigeons do
He gives his little Miss
A pretty pigeon kiss,
And coos a fond adieu,
Then away he'll fly.
As tho' he'd try,
To test her love and yet
She can't be sure a sound
But some hope he's around
To make a love duet.
(Repeat chorus)
(Katinka and Ivan exit L.1.E.)
(After finish of Number IVAN returns. PETROV enters
R.U.E.)
Petrov
Then after all you still love her.
(Crosses to Ivan L.)
Ivan
Why, of course I love her, how can I ever bear this!
Petrov
Courage, my boy, courage!
(Enter HOPPER from arch R.3.E., turns to girls at
table)
Hopper
Girls, don't eat my pie.
(Crossing to Ivan L. who is in pain)
Ivan, I'm nine courses ahead of you. What's wrong, got a
headache? A moment ago you were as gay as a summer widower
and now you look like the father of twins. What's wrong, eh?
Hopper
Katinka! Oh, the bride.
Ivan
I thought I'd forgotten, but seeing her again and knowing
that she still loves me --
Hopper
(Laughs)
What? On her wedding night she tells you that she loves you?
Hopper
That's going some. In America we wait at least until
the honeymoon.
Ivan
Don't say that word to me. The thought of it kills me. I
think I shall go mad!
Hopper
(Looks R.)
Yes, he does look a bit of a bear. I must confess boys, it's
an awkward situation. But are they really married?
Ivan
Yes, in the church, didn't you hear the bells, those awful
bells?
Hopper
Yes, no wedding bell rings, without it sounds the knell of
some poor old also-ran.
Ivan
But can't something be done? You are an American, you can
think quickly; help me save her, is there no way out?
Hopper
There's no quick way out of marrage, boy, except strychnine,
or a pair of white wings, and either way it's a bit risky.
Ivan
Is there no way out?
Hopper
Not a ghost of a chance.
Petrov
Yes! There's one ghost of a chance.
Ivan
Boris Strogoff's first wife?
Petrov
Yes, but I've seen her ghost.
Hopper
Come over here, Hamlet.
Petrov
I was the servant in the Strogoff family when he married pretty
Olga Andranovia ten years ago. She ran away, and in Circassia
where we followed her, they told us she had died and so we
all believed, until three years ago I saw her in Constantinople.
She made me swear never to betray her secret, for she preferred
the life of a slave in Izzet Pasha's Harem to a life with Boris.
Hopper
Then if she's still alive this marriage is illegal.
Ivan
Then Katinka can be saved.
Hopper
Not unless we can prove that Olga is not dead.
Ivan
Petrov will swear to it.
Hopper
All he can swear to is that she was alive three years ago.
Ivan
Then we must search and find her.
(Up stage)
Hopper
Yes, and if she is still alive and living in Izzet -- what's-
his-name's palace, how long will it take for you to establish
that fact?
Petrov
In one short week. I ---
Hopper
In one short nothing. Whatever is to be done to save the
situation must be done now and tonight.
(Ivan coming down L.)
Ivan
Yes, now and tonight.
Hopper
Hold the towel.
(Gives Petrov the napkin he has entered with)
Gather around me, children, now let me think. I have it,
we'll hide Katinka.
Ivan
You know nothing of Russia and her police or you wouldn't talk
of hiding her.
Hopper
That's right. I've got to think again. Let me see.
(Rests his arm on Petrov's shoulder, as if in thought)
I've got it. Do your friends know that I am married?
Hopper
Do they know if my wife is here in Russia with me or not?
Hopper
Then I'll take Katinka out of Russia.
Hopper
I have a passport.
Ivan and Petrov
A passport?
Hopper
For my wife and myself.
Petrov
Do you mean that Katinka will go with you as Mrs. ----
Hopper
Yes, as Mrs. Thaddeus Hopper. Quick boy -- Look boy-
(To Petrov R.)
You go and secure some extra accomodations.
Petrov
(R.C.)
For Ivan and myself?
Hopper
No, you must take the rival boat which leaves an hour later and
we'll all meet in Constantinople.
Petrov
But do you realize you are asking to travel, with a young
lady---
Hopper
What's the matter with you, you old fluff, I love my wife.
Ivan
Hopper, your scheme is great, if ---
Ivan
If Katinka will consent.
Petrov
I will find a chance to ask her.
(Crosses R.1.E.)
Hopper
Listen, here are the plans. She's to enter her chamber, put
on her travelling dress, slip from the house, get into the
carriage which you will have waiting, and call for me here
as my wife.
Petrov
Very well.
(exits L.1.E.)
Ivan
Hopper, you're a wonder!
Hopper
No, only an American. There's only a few of us left.
(HOPPER and IVAN cross R. EXIT HOPPER and IVAN)
(Enter BOYS and GIRLS all laughing and talking. Enter
RUSSIAN DANCERS from house L.)
(BORIS enters R.1.E. arch and watches Dancers. PETROV
enters L.2.E.)
(After DANCERS exit, PETROV comes down R)
Ivan
(ENTERS R)
Will she consent?
Petrov
Yes, she consents.
(Exits L.1.E.)
(HOPPER enters down R.2.)
Boris
(Coming down R.C. from R.1.E.)
Ah, Mr. Hopper, I did not see you among the diners. I
trust you are not bored?
Hopper
(R.C.)
Bored! I'm having the time of my life.
Boris
Will you join me in a glass of wine?
(ENTER VARENKA from arch R.U.E. with wine)
(ENTER KATINKA and TATIANA on balcony house L.)
Boris
Here's to Katinka, the sweetest flower in Yalta.
(ALL enter)
Hopper
(Xes R.C.)
And to the lucky man who shall wear her beauty near his
heart.
(Looks at Ivan, winks C)
Here's hoping!
(GIRLS and BOYS applaud)
(KATINKA throws bouquet to the crowd, below. KATINKA
on balcony L. HOPPER exits R)
FINALE
BLUE LIGHTS
Good night! Good night!
The shadows draw their velvet shawl
About love's sweet retreat
The stars have lit their candles tall
To guide young Cupid's feet.
To Hymen's hall, to Hymen's hall!
May love's fair dreams be sweet---
Good-night--Good-night!
(KATINKA and TATIANA exit)
Ivan
And now a toast to Boris
Happy owner of Heaven's fairest star.
Chorus
To Boris! to Boris!
Boris and Chorus
(Half drunk)
I thank you friends both new and old
For wishes so benign
I only hope that soon you'll hold
The bliss that now is mine.
(Spills wine)
And as I spill this liquid fire
A gift to Gods above
May they pour blessings and inspire
My heart's mate with true love.
(EXIT BORIS)
(Katinka's trio in her bedchamber where VARENKA and
MAIDS disrobe her.)
(KATINKA at window)
Long life of bliss they live
With blessings that Heaven may give
And may their worries cease
And only joys increase
And on this happy new made home
May never shade or shame of sorrow ever come.
So once again with song and anthem
We greet the bride, and the lucky man
Who walks by her side,
May the bloom of their love abide,
May love abide.
(While chorus and BORIS are singing PETROV enters L.1.E.
KATINKA in travelling dress opens window, steps out and
away with Petrov L.1.E. Goes around up above wall where
carriage is waiting.)
(Music for Hopper's entrance R. arch)
Hopper
It's getting late--I'll have to go. My wife I fear is slow.
Petrov
(Up C)
No, she's here.
(Last half of "Hurry" for Curtain)
(Hopper shakes hands with Ivan and girls. Runs up C.
Gets in carriage)
(BORIS enters room in house. Does not find Katinka,
sees window open, comes out, looking for her)
(Second curtain picture BORIS--bewildered)
CURTAIN.
SCENE:
Opening NASHAN discovered in window
in Harem L. PORTER at well C.
AMERICAN BOYS and GIRLS, TURKISH
BOYS and GIRLS. TURKISH SOLDIERS,
BEGGARS, GENDARMES, RUG-MAKER,
LETTER-WRITER, BELL-BOY, STORE-
KEEPER, HAREM GIRLS.
Curtain goes up on harp solo.
NASHAN sings.
Nashan
There 'neath the shades
Of rose panoplied walls,
Where moon-eyes maids woo,
Day dreams tender thralls,
There I too learned to play
In Allah's holiday,
Ah, might it but last Alway:
Bring your silver cymbal
Tambourine and tymbal
Strike with fingers nimble
Some pretty lay!
While the tones are tinkling
Rose breath I'll be sprinkling,
Where your feet are twinkling,
Allah's Holiday
Ah could it but last
Could it last alway.
(PORTER enters from hotel R. KNOPF enters from L.
through C., goes down to Porter by well C)
Knopf
(R.C.)
Pardon, but is this Izzet Pasha's harem?
Knopf
The Harem of Izzet Pasha, is it?
(KNOPF Xes to harem L. and uses knocker on door.
Harem door opens, two slaves, with scymitars, appear.
KNOPF backs C. laughing. ARIF enters, goes C. ABDUL
enters and stands in doorway between two slaves)
Arif
Well, well! You wish to see me?
Knopf
Yes, it is about some girls. They must sing and dance, a
specialty for my new Cafe.
Arif
(L.C.)
I see, I see. Abdul, send Nashan.
(ABDUL exits into harem)
Knopf
(R.C.)
Nashan! Who is she?
Arif
She has charge of the girls. She speaks many languages,
French, English, Russian, Italian---
Knopf
For a woman one tongue is a plenty.
(Enter Nashan from harem L.2.E.)
Arif
Ah, Nashan! Meet my friend Signor Knopf, from Paris.
Nashan
(Salaams)
Charmed.
Knopf
(Bows)
I'm over-powered.
Arif
He wishes to hire some dancing girls; we can spare some?
Nashan
No. We haven't any at present, but we are expected some from
Circassia.
Knopf
(Looks at Nashan, lets out a yell. Arif laughs)
Are they all as pretty as that one?
Arif
I have nothing but beauties.
Knopf
That's nice. If nobody else I take her absitively.
(Nashan starts for harem L; looks at Knopf, goes to
door, looks again, and throws Knopf a kiss, exits)
(Knopf laughs)
(Enter HALIL C., going down R. to rug-maker)
Knopf
Who's the Billiken?
Arif
That is Halil. It is he who secures for us the prettiest
girls from Circassia. Halil, meet my friend Herr Knopf.
Halil
(Laughs)
How do you do?
Arif
Nashan tells me you are expecting some girls from Circassia.
Halil
(Laughs)
Yes, there is a boat due today. I'm going to get them.
(Xes r., laughs, exits R.1.E.)
Knopf
He is the funniest fellow I ever saw.
Arif
He's the life of Stamboul.
(Xes to harem L., stands with folded arms looking
at audience)
Knopf
(To L.)
Well, well, boys, I'm glad to see you, but when did you leave
Vienna?
Boy
The day before yesterday. We only arrived this morning.
Knopf
And where are you staying?
Boy
Two streets over, at the Hotel Pera.
Knopf
But the rest of the party, Mr. and Mrs. Hopper?
Boy
Mrs. Hopper's here, we're expecting Mr. Hopper today.
Knopf
Didn't they come together?
Boy
No, he went to Yalta with a young Russian he met at your
hotel, named Dimitri.
Boy
Yes, he was to join us here at Stamboul. His boat is due
today.
Knopf
But where is Mrs. Hopper?
Boy
Here's Mrs. Hopper now.
(MRS. HOPPER enters from R. through gate C.)
Knopf
(R.C.)
Ah, Madam Hopper, how are you? I'm glad to see you.
Helen
What are you doing so far from Vienna?
Knopf
Business, pure business.
Knopf
Well, you see, business with me means business. But why didn't
you come to this hotel?
Helen
My husband arranged that I should stop at the Pera.
Knopf
Ah, but this is ever so much better. You will find everything
modern here, just like my place in Vienna, and besides, this
is right in the heart of Stamboul. There, for instance, is a
genuine Turkish harem.
(Points L.)
(ARIF is standing quiet)
Helen
Oh, a real live gracious to goodness- - -
(Sees Arif)
The exterior decorations are pretty.
Knopf
Allow me, Mrs. Hopper, to introduce Arif Bey.
Arif
Sap-al lar summe, sus stelby, un a fende, salaam.
(He salaams)
Helen
I second the motion.
Knopf
Mrs. Hopper is from America.
Arif
America? The land of beautiful ladies.
(Xes L.C., bows)
I am in ecstasy.
Knopf
(R.C.)
This gentleman is the keeper of Izzet Pasha's harem.
Helen
(C)
Oh, the harem! I'm just crazy to see the inside of a harem.
Knopf
Maybe we can arrange it.
Arif
For eyes like yours, I could arrange anything.
(About to embrace her)
Helen
Never mind, never mind.
Arif
But to go on the inside of a harem, that is a forbidden fruit.
(He Xes L.)
Helen
But I thought that was your long suit?
Helen
Serving forbidden fruit. How, couldn't you, sort of, fix it?
Arif
(Flirts)
Maybe, we shall see.
Arif
In the meantime, trust in Allah.
Arif
Oh!
(Walks two steps to entrance L.)
Oh!
(Repeats bus.)
Oh!
(Repeats bus.)
Praised be Allah!
(Exits L.1.E.)
Helen
(Xes R.C.)
Isn't he nervous?
Knopf
That's a Turkish emotion.
Helen
I thought it was a Turkish Delight. What is this "Trust in
Allah?"
Knopf
I'd rather trust Allah than trust him.
Helen
So would I. Just the same, if he can arrange it, I'm going
into the harem.
(Xes L.)
Knopf
Ah, but your husband wouldn't like it.
Helen
But my husband isn't here.
Knopf
(R.C.)
The boys were just telling me he was in Russia.
Helen
Yes, he's been away from me for three weeks. It's the first
time we've been seperated since we were married.
(Xes L.C.)
Knopf
(Follows her)
Poor fellow.
Knopf
I mean, how lonesome he must have been.
Helen
He's written and cabled me every day, bless his little heart.
Isn't that good of him?
(Shows photo)
Knopf
It's just like him all but the face.
Helen
But to think of him ill and lonesome on that old boat with no
one to look after him.
Knopf
No one to look after him? You don't know these Russian girls!
Helen
Oh, I could trust him anywhere, and besides, when we're on
shipboard he's always terribly ill and sticks to his cabin.
Helen
Bet your life it's sweet.
Knopf
Ach du lieber!
(Xes to hotel R)
Helen
Are you leaving me?
Knopf
Nothing bores a man so much as to hear a woman tell him how
much she loves her husband. Good-bye!
(Falls up steps, exits hotel R)
Helen
(C)
At that he's right. Many a man has lost a perfectly good
wife by allowing her to bore his friends too long. Hubby
dear, I think you'd better hurry home.
SONG: "YOUR PHOTO"
I've a picture I keep always near me,
Yes, always near me, and en-tre-nous
All the day and night I keep holding it tight
Just to cheer me, for it's you!
And here, where all my heart beats true
Is our own secret re-de-vous!
(Enter CHORUS)
CHORUS
On my heart I am wearing your photo,
Because my heart dear, is your heart in toto,
And so I hold you pressed,
Upon my longing breast,
But I'll give you this slight intimation
Altho' your photo's a fair illustration
Of tender lips I have known
And the love that's my own,
Still at best it's a chilly imitation
I think you'd better hurry home.
Tho' you smile back at me when I'm kissing
When I'm kissing - your dear lips there
Tho' the look in your eye I can quite recognize
Something's missing, I declare.
And tho' it be your counter-part,
I cannot love you a la carte.
(Exits)
(Repeat chorus)
(After number CHORUS GIRLS enter C. from R. and
exit hotel R. DETECTIVE enters, goes L.)
(Enter KATINKA and HOPPER from R. through C.
Katinka down L., Hopper C.)
Hopper
(R.C.)
Here we are, in the land of Mecca cigarettes. We can't do
anything until Petrov and Ivan come. Their boat was landing
just behind us. In the meantime, you had better take a room
at the hotel, and I'll register under some fake name and
we'll fool them.
Katinka
(L.C.)
Oh no! That won't do! We must keep the name on the passport.
Hopper
Oh no! Oh no! This is as far as you can go on my name!
Katinka
(Pointing L.)
You see that man over there?
Katinka
Russian Secret Service.
Katinka
He saw our passports as we left the boat. If I drop the
name now, I'm lost.
Hopper
But, Katinka, I've a wife who's liable to come here.
(Enter PORTER hotel R.)
Porter
Your reservations, you have not made yet?
Katinka
(Xes R.C.)
A suite of two rooms.
Hopper
Yes, two sweet little rooms.
Porter
Two rooms, and the name?
(Exits SPY hotel R. He sneaks up back and into hotel)
Porter
Two rooms for Mr. and Mrs. - - - -
Katinka
Thaddeus T. Hopper.
Porter
Thaddeus T. Hopper.
Hopper
(L.C.)
The T stands for trouble.
(Exit Porter hotel R.)
You didn't miss a thing, did you? Not even my middle initial.
Katinka
(R.C.)
Neither did the spy. Did you see how he listened? Whatever
we do about Olga must be done at once.
Hopper
(On well C.)
You're right. We are living on the crater of a volcano and
if my wife ever drops in on us--
(Bus.)
it will be all over but the lava.
Katinka
But you can explain to her.
Hopper
I can explain? Oh no! You shall explain!
Katinka
She will be proud of you!
Hopper
Oh, she'll be proud of me all right.
(Rises, Xes L.C.)
Hopper
I'm a hero, but I'll be just as well satisfied if she never
learns just how much of a hero I am.
(Enter PORTER hotel R)
Porter
Number 13 is now ready.
Hopper
You picked a lucky one, didn't you?
Porter
Will you be shown to your rooms?
Hopper
Yes. Don't be frightened.
Katinka
You won't be long?
(Xes R., stands on steps)
Hopper
No, I'll be up in a little while and bring the trunks with me.
Porter
Don't worry. I shall keep your secret.
Porter
You've all the symptoms.
Hopper
Oh, yes, yes, yes --married! That's right, you're wrong
again, you big hunk.
(Xes L.)
Porter
But you can rely on me to help you.
(Holds out hand for tip)
Hopper
Yes, I see your helping hand. Here's an Asiatic nickel for
you. Now for this, you will keep our secret? If anyone should
ask you, say you know we've been married for ages.
Porter
You will, of course, have your dinner served in your room?
Hopper
Oh yes, of course.
Porter
And the twin beds------
Katinka
Oh!
(Exits into hotel R.)
Porter
Oh, then I'll have them removed.
Hopper
No! Leave one for her, - one little one.
Porter
Don't worry. I'll keep your secret. Newlyweds, ha, ha, ha!
(He exits into hotel R.)
Hopper
That fellow has a face like a fish.
(Starts to hotel)
(IVAN enters C. from R. down L.)
Ivan
(R.C.)
Hopper! Wait a minute.
Hopper
(R.)
Ivan! I'm glad to see you -- you and your little blue jacket.
We've got to work fast; there's Izzet Pasha's harem over there.
Ivan
Then all we've got to do is see if Olga's still there.
Hopper
That's all we've got to do, but how are we going to do it?
Ivan
Suppose you just go in there.
Hopper
Stand back!
(Stretches himself, grows important, fixes his hat)
I'm not going to let a little thing like a harem frighten me.
(Whistles "Yankee Doodle" softly and Xes to harem L.
Does a break with iron knocker on harem door. Stands
back and looks wise)
Maybe the girls are out. What'll I say?
Ivan
Can you say something in Turkish?
Hopper
Can I talk Turkish? Easy! Mogulio, Fatima, Turkish towelio.
(Knocks, no response)
Maybe the girls are not home.
(Knocks, then goes to Ivan C. Doors open immediately.
HOPPER strolls in. GIRLS scream in harem, negro slaves
chase Hopper out; he runs to extreme L.C., gets behind
Ivan)
Whoa whoa, you harem scarems. My, how the gold dust twins have
grown. The one with the mustache is turning pale. The future
looks very dark. I know their weakness. Shoot a nickel!
(SLAVES laugh, run for nickel and exit into harem)
(Hopper laughs, Ivan laughs)
Ivan
But is there no way out?
Hopper
(R.C.)
Didn't you see me come out? First we must find some way in.
Ivan
(Xes L.)
But I must find Olga!
(PETROV enters R.U.E.)
Petrov
Ivan -- Ivan -- Abdul tells me there is a girl still in the
harem who answers Olga's description!
Ivan
(L.)
Then we'll stay here. Some time she's bound to come out!
Petrov
No! Whatever we do must be done at once. I have learned that
Boris has followed on his yacht, and he may land any minute.
Hopper
(L.C.)
If he lands, he'll land on me, and Katinka's registered here
as my -- Oh, my Lord!
(Up stage)
Petrov
Now, none of us can ever hope to go in there.
Petrov
In there!
(Points to harem L.)
Hopper
In the harem?
(Grows chesty)
Tell him!
Hopper
(Walks up stage, jumps around as if someone is behind him)
Not only was I in, but I cam out! I saw both of them!
Gillettes that long. But I drove them back again.
Petrov
But Katinka can go in.
Hopper and Ivan
Yes! How?
Petrov
(R.C.)
Abdul tells me they are now landing some Circassian Dancing
Girls for the harem. We'll let Katinka pose as a Circassian
Dancing Girl.
Petrov
So she can go with the others into the harem.
(Enter KATINKA on porch)
Petrov
(R.)
With the photograph I have given her, she will easily recognize
Olga, if she's there. Now here's a Circassian dress I bought
for her.
Ivan
(Steps across to look up)
Katinka!
(Xes R.)
(PETROV Xes L.C.)
Hopper
(L.C.)
Tell her our plans. Be careful now, remember she's married.
Ivan
She shall be married to me.
(Goes to fourth R.)
Hopper
That'll make three.
Hopper
Boris, Ivan, and me.
Hopper
Oh yes! She's registered here as Mrs. Hopper.
Petrov
(Up L.C.)
Ah, that is well.
Hopper
Well enough for her, but I'm getting heart failure.
(Petrov exits R.U.E. Ivan on balcony)
(Enter PORTER from hotel to R.U.E.)
Porter, front! Stop! Whoa! Is there an American bar anywhere
around here?
Porter
Over there, around the corner, I'll show you.
(Toward Hotel R.U.E.)
Hopper
A cup of Turkish coffee might help.
(Enter ABDUL L.3.E.)
Porter
To bridgegrooms I always recommend-----
(Exits)
Hopper
Oh -- behave yourself.
(Exit above R.U.E.)
(Enter NASHAN)
Petrov
(Off)
Abdul! Abdul!
(Enters L.U.E.)
Now, remember, the young lady is to be taken to join Halil and
his dancing girls.
Abdul
(L.)
But can she dance?
Petrov
No, but she can sing.
Abdul
But if she is not beautiful, Halil will not consent.
Petrov
She's there.
(Points to Katinka on balcony)
Abdul
Allah! An angel! But does she consent?
Petrov
(Xes R.C. to Ivan on balcony)
Ivan, will she join the Circassian Dancing Girls?
Katinka
Yes, I will do it.
Petrov
You hear?
(He exits hotel R. with package)
Nashan
(In window)
So up to your old tricks again?
Abdul
(L.C.)
You've been eavesdropping!
Nashan
I have not---only listening!
Abdul
Then you know of the new bird of Paradise?
(Enter PORTER Hotel R.U.E.)
(KATINKA and IVAN business all this time, exit)
Abdul
Tell me, who is that angel?
(Points to balcony)
Porter
That is the bride of a rich American.
Porter
His name is Hopper--newly married.
(He exits hotel R.U.E.)
Nashan
And yet he wants to get rid of her.
Nashan
We won't pity her until we've seen her husband.
(Enter ARIF R., coming C.)
Arif
(R.C.)
By the sacred beard of Mahomet's prophet, what are you two
gabbing about?
Adbul
(Down L.C.)
A pretty wife!
Nashan
Of a rich American.
Abdul
(L.C., down)
He wants to get rid of her.
Arif
(L.C.)
She must be homely.
Abdul
(R.C.)
Homely? She's a pippinette!
Arif
You interest me. What's her name?
Arif
(C.)
Hopper, Hopper. That's the name -- I met her.
Arif
(Down C.)
I was introduced to her right here. The lady was looking for
forbidden fruit, and she expressed a most peculiar desire to see
the inside of a harem. I have an idea. Go find this man Hopper,
Abdul-- bring him here to me.
Abdul
I run with the feet of a camel.
(Exits R.3.E.)
Arif
Nashan, go prepare a room for the lady. And another thing,
it is quite possible that Media will take some girls on the five
o'clock train; if so, it is well that you should go to guard
them.
Nashan
Oh, please don't send me away from here.
Arif
Bosh, nonsense! The word of Arif Bey must not be questioned.
Go!
(Exit NASHAN and ARIF harem L.)
(Enter TATIANA, VARENKA, BORIS, SPY R.U.E.)
(SPY R. Points to hotel R.)
(Enter Porter from hotel.)
Boris
(L.C.)
Porter, did you have a Mr. Hopper registered here?
Porter
(R.)
Their luggage came on the boat from Yalta.
Boris
(C.)
Who was with him?
Tatiana
(R.C.)
Can you swear to that?
Porter
(Bus.)
Madam, you ask too much!
Boris
Did he act natural or nervous?
Porter
Naturally nervous. I think it was bride and groom.
Boris
(R.)
I will see this bride and groom.
Porter
You wait in the reception room and I will find them for you.
(Exit TATIANA, VARENKA, BORIS, SPY, hotel R.)
(Enter HOPPER and ABDUL R.3.E.)
Hopper
(R.C.)
Where are you taking me?
Hopper
Go right ahead.
(Enter ABDUL into harem L. doors slam in
Hopper's face)
It's harder to get in there than the Martha Washington hotel.
(Up C.)
(Enter HELEN and KNOPF hotel)
Knopf
I'll go and see about other rooms.
Helen
But I couldn't think of moving here until my husband comes.
(HOPPER sees Helen)
Knopf
Nonsense! I'll go and see about the room -- I'll be right
back!
(Exits into hotel R.U.E.)
(MR. and MRS. HOPPER see each other)
Helen
(R.C.)
Thad! Darl---where have you been?
Hopper
I have been lonesome, Helen. Look at me---I've been awfully
lonesome.
(Holds her in his arms and looks at balcony R.)
Helen
(Moving away)
Did she roll much?
Hopper
How should I know?
Helen
How should you know? Well, if you don't, it's the first time
in your life.
Helen
Every trip we've ever made you've turned turtle on the slightest
roll of the sea.
Helen
Why, of course! What did you think I was talking about?
Hopper
I thought you were talking about the ocean.
(Laughs, Xes L.)
Helen
Thaddeus T. Hopper, come here!
Hopper
Don't strike me, Helen.
Helen
I don't think you're well.
Hopper
Oh, Helen, it was an awfully rough voyage.
(Cries. Arms bus.)
Helen
I think you had better lie down a while.
Hopper
Yes, I'll lie down, in your rooms, Helen, in your rooms.
Helen
Of course in my rooms--where did you expect?
(Enter KNOPF from hotel R. Turn her around)
Knopf
Isn't that nice, Mrs. Hopper, your husband has already engaged
rooms here.
Hopper
(Up to well)
Oh, oh! Police! Helen, I'm sick, I'm sick, Helen.
(Water)
Helen
What did you do that for?
Hopper
I shall explain it to you.
(He kicks at Knopf behind Helen. She does not understand)
You see, dear, when I went over to the Pera and I found you
were not in, I came over here to look for you and when I saw
the place over here, the well in the yard,and the little dog
with the cane---
(KNOPF looks under the chair, then sits)
I liked it ever so much better than the Pera, so I said to
myself said I, "I'll get some good rooms for my little Helen --
as it were, and when you take a room as it were, you are taking
some room.
(Laughs)
(KNOPF laughs. HOPPER yells at him. KNOPF
falls back in chair.)
Stop! Helen, look at the rugs, but don't buy any.
(HELEN retires up as KNOPF Xes to Hopper)
Knopf
I knew you'd like it better here than the Pera.
Hopper
STOP! Who are you?
Hopper
(Turns away, puts up his coat collar, stands
with head far above Knopf)
Now, who are you?
Knopf
I am Herr Knopf from the Cafe Turkois in Vienna. My card.
(2 cards)
Hopper
(Returns one card)
I don't want to know you twice. Well, I'm an American--my
name is Hopper -- here's my card.
(He does a little trick with the card, it disappears)
Knopf
(Is fooled and insists upon looking for the card)
Where's the card?
Hopper
(Backs him across the stage R.)
You, you shrimp!
Knopf
Step your watch -- step your watch!
Hopper
What do you mean "Step your watch?"
Knopf
Watch your step. I've been trying all morning to get your wife
to come over here.
Hopper
Oh, you have, have you?
(Smiles)
That's very nice of you, but you see I beat you to it.
(Stamps on Knopf's foot)
Knopf
Oh -- oh -- oh ----
(Yells and hops around, sits on chair R., nurses
foot)
(HELEN down L.C.)
Hopper
It's all right, Helen, let him laugh.
Hopper
(R.C.)
Anything my wife wants done, I'm the little boy that's going
to do it.
Helen
You're a dear, sweet, thoughtful boy!
Hopper
I've been doing more thnking in the last half hour than most
men do in a lifetime.
(Enter PORTER from hotel R.)
Porter
Ah, Monsier Hopper, there is a gentleman in the waiting room
and he is impatient to see you.
Hopper
(R.C.)
A gentleman to see me --- just a minute dear. It's just a
little business. What's his name?
Porter
His name is Strogoff.
Hopper
Oh-o-o-o-
(His knees begin to wobble)
It's all right, it's all right -- it's my sea legs, the ocean,
you know.
(Takes Knopf's cane and walks as if with a crutch)
Tell him I'll be there in a little while.
Helen
In the meantime, Porter, send someone to the Hotel Pera for my
trunks, and have them put in my husband's room.
(HOPPER waves his hand to the Porter; the Porter
doesn't understand, looks stupidly at him)
Porter
Your husband's rooms?
Helen
Yes, Mr. Hopper's rooms.
(HOPPER changes his actions to the Porter to an
exercise movement as HELEN looks around)
Helen
(To Knopf)
Whatever is the matter with you?
Hopper
Oh, it is a awfully rough voyage.
Knopf
(To Porter)
Why do you stand there like an imbecile? Do what the lady
want you to do.
Porter
Yes, yes, of course, but-but----
Helen
I'll just take a run up and have a look at my rooms!
Hopper
No, no, Helen--not yet! He has to take out the twins.
Hopper
The beds--the beds!
Helen
What are you talking about?
Hopper
Well, you see dear, I had the rooms re-arranged with flowers, and
buds, and roses, and the wall paper with string beans----
Helen
Ah, then you didn't forget it was our anniversary!
Hopper
(R.C.)
Oh, no! I didn't want you to see them until you could get
the full effects.
Helen
You haven't been so sweet to me since we had our honeymoon.
Hopper
I intend to be sweeter, Helen.
Knopf
By golly, I bet he was some honeymooner.
(HOPPER rises)
(KNOPF and PORTER exit hotel R)
Hopper
Oh, I'm still there with that sentimental stuff.
"THE WEEKLY WEDDING"
Helen
Some folks, some quiet, glum folks
Get married once in all their life.
Hopper
This day to them is bliss day
But all the rest are storms and strife.
Helen
Then there are other men rare
Who think of wooden weddings, too.
Hopper
And the China wedding olden,
The silver and the golden.
Helen
But these for me won't do.
(Enter CHORUS)
On every Sunday,
Or maybe Monday,
We pick out one day on which we'll play
At weekly wedding, then gaily treading,
We'll dance through Tuesday, Wednesday
Thursday and through Saturday
To tune, dear
Of honeymoon, dear
On all the way
For you and I dear
That's if we try dear,
Can keep our wedding bells a-jingling every day.
(Dance and exit R.I.E.)
Ivan
(Enters R.U.E.)
Katinka, is she ready?
Petrov
(Enters hotel R)
Yes, she's here.
(Enter KATINKA from hotel R)
Katinka
(Xes R.C.)
Here I am! Do I look like a Circassian dancing girl?
Ivan
(L.C.)
You look like a Circassian angel. Here are the plans.
You are to join Halil and his dancing girls and go with them
into the harem. Have you Olga's photograph?
Katinka
Yes, and if I ever get in, I will easily recognize her by that.
(IVAN and KATINKA exit C to R)
(Enter ABDUL from harem, goes C and peeks out)
(Enter HOPPER from R.I.E., runs up behind Abdul,
strikes him on the back. Then HOPPER goes down C.
and sits on well)
(Enter ARIF from harem)
Abdul
His Highness, Arif Bey.
Hopper
I've seen you before, in the window in a Greek restaurant.
(He does bus. of turning cakes, then uses hat
for dish, takes cakes to table R and serves)
No thanks, no more butter - - -
Arif
Bosh! Who is this gentleman?
Arif
Ah! Mr. Hopper! So harem-salam - salame.
(Salaams)
Hopper
Right back at him. Delicattessen! You want to see me?
Arif
Yes, about that little affair with your wife.
Hopper
My wife?
(To Abdul, who is up listening. ABDUL goes L.
and stamps his foot. Places Fez tassel on Arif's cap over shoulder)
Oh, that wife!
Hopper
I mean that's what you mean.
Arif
Is it true what I have been told? You wish to lose this
little wife of yours?
Hopper
Nothing would give me more pleasure.
Arif
It has occurred to you that it is a bit of a risk?
Hopper
Oh, she's willing.
Arif
To be sure, but it also takes some trouble, and Americans are
always willing to pay for little troubles.
Hopper
Not willing, we have to pay. I got you stevedore. How much?
(Takes out a check book and pen)
Arif
Well, just a small item. I don't care to talk about it.
Hopper
Small as that--fifty cents--twenty-five cents? Check book
for a nickel, fountain pen for a dime. Look out -- I'll walk
out on you in a minute.
Arif
Well, we'll say in American money--a thousand dollars.
Hopper
A thousand dollars? In our country it is so much for so much,
but I see in Turkey it is so much for so little.
Arif
To get rid of a wife you do not want? It is a trifle!
Hopper
I suppose so. Come over in the office. A friend of mine will
see that she joins the girls at the wharf. What's the name?
Arif
Arif Bey. It is not necessary, we have made other arrangements.
And permit me to say, Mr. Hopper, your wife is charming.
Hopper
Thank you, Mr. Turkey. You Thanksgiving kid.
Arif
The wife of an American in my harem, it will be for my Pasha
a sensation. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
(Xes L. to exit.)
Abdul
(Follows)
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
Arif
(Stamps foot)
Hosh a lema!
(ABDUL salaams)
(ARIF exits into harem)
Hopper
Serves you right -- I hope he fires you!
(MUSIC)
(GIRLS X the bridge R to L. Halil)
What's that?
Abdul
That's Halil and his Circassian dancing girls.
Hopper
Where are they going?
Abdul
He's bringing them here to the harem fountain.
(HOPPER starts for bridge C.)
(HELEN enters R.I.E.)
Helen
(R.)
Thaddeus, where are you going?
Hopper
I'm going to get a bathing suit.
(Exits C.)
(ABDUL exits into harem L)
(GIRLS enter from hotel and on veranda)
(ARIF enters from house, L.C.)
Arif
Ah, but there beneath Allah's sparkling fountain, it is cool.
It is Fairyland!
Helen
I wish we had some of it out here. You know, you more than
half way promised I should see this fairyland.
(Up C.)
Arif
I haven't forgotten my promise. All has been arranged.
Helen
(Sits by well, C.)
Arranged?
Arif
As a special favor to him, I promised that you should see
beyond that wall.
Helen
(Jumps down)
Now?
(Xes L)
Just a peek!
(Exits into harem L.)
Arif
Just a peek!
(Doors slam)
She's mine!
(Enter CIRCASSIAN DANCERS and HALIL and form
picture for the Oriental dance. BOY appears
from harem, dances with principal and both
exit into harem)
(IVAN L.)
Knopf
(R.C.)
Who's next?
(To Halil)
Tell me, can all the girls do something?
Halil
(Laughs)
Sure, anyone.
Knopf
(Pointing to KATINKA, who has followed the Dancing
Girls on, and is standing by well C.)
That little yellow one?
Halil
(Laughs. L. Gets Katinka and leads her down
C. where she sings second verse of
"RACKETTY COO"
When dear Mr. Dove
Has told his love
As gallant pigeons do
He gives his little Miss
A pretty pigeon kiss,
And coos a fond adieu,
Then away he'll fly.
As tho' he'd try,
To test her love and yet
She can't be sure a sound
But some hope he's around
To make a love duet.
(IVAN on R.C.)
REFRAIN
Every night I hear her sing,
"Tweet, tweet," - etc.
Knopf
(After song-R.)
I'll take the whole show.
(HOPPER enters from hotel R.C. on last encore)
Ivan
(R.C., to Hopper)
What does he mean?
(Exit DANCING GIRLS into harem L, also HALIL)
(KATINKA runs and exits into harem L)
(PORTER enters from hotel R)
Porter
(On porch)
Monsieur Hopper, the gentleman refuses to wait any longer,
he must see your wife.
Hopper
Send him out -- I'll talk to him.
Ivan
(Up C)
How's he going to see your wife, when she's in there?
Hopper
(R.C.)
I'll introduce him to my regular wife!
Hopper
She's been here all the time!
(Enter BORIS, TATIANA, VARENKA from hotel R.
ARIF on L)
Boris
This wife of yours, you promised I should meet her.
Hopper
Yes, of course. My wife -- Helen -- Mrs. Hopper.
Knopf
(R.C.)
I saw her talking to Arif a little while ago.
Hopper
Did you see which way she went?
Hopper
Knopf, see if she's in the hotel.
(Exit KNOPF)
I'm looking for Mrs. Hopper--have any of you seen her?
All
She was here a moment ago.
Arif
(Xes L.C.)
Keep it up, keep it up -- you're doing nobly!
Hopper
(Xes R.C.)
Nobly? What do you mean?
Hopper
I really believe you know where she is.
Arif
I? Oh, no! You sly dog, she's safe in there!
Hopper
I don't mean that one!
Arif
By Allah, how many have you?
Hopper
I mean my real wife!
Knopf
(Has entered)
The lady I introduced to you a moment ago.
Arif
(L)
That's the one I mean!
Hopper
You poor shadow of a Saracen simp, you have my wife locked up
in that harem!
(Chokes Arif and goes up to harem door)
Arif
This dog of a Christian hires me to hide his wife, his bride
of a day!
Boris
Then it was Katinka! I demand you to bring her out to me!
(Enter CHORUS)
FINALE
Boris
(R.C.)
Why stand you staring like a thing of stone
He tells you he's declaring the truth and truth alone.
Ivan
(L. of Hopper)
It means our ruin!
Hopper
(L.C.)
Nothing doing!
Chorus
Why stand you staring like a thing of stone
He tells you he's declaring the truth and truth alone.
Boris I swear by Nirvannah, and all the gods above,
This villain Americano he has robbed him of his love!
Tatiana
(R.C.)
He stole her from her legal lord and master
And there behind these gloomy walls he's cast her!
(BORIS Xes to Tatiana)
Chorus
He stole her from her legal lord and master
And there behind these gloomy walls he's cast her!
Boris
(Down R.)
And now we've waited long enough, where is she?
(Enter ARIF and HELEN from harem)
Helen
(Spoken)
Yes, what's the idea?
Boris
(Spoken)
This is not my wife. There's been a mistake.
Hopper
(Spoken, comes C)
She's my wife ---- I love my wife!
Boris
(Sing)
I was wrong to have accused you!
Helen
Accused him of what?
Hopper
(C.)
Oh, nothing at all!
Boris
(R.C.)
I'm sorry that I abused him
Helen
(L.C.)
Abused him, but why?
Hopper
(C. aside to Ivan)
Say, come help us stall.
Ivan
(R.)
Yes, it looks like a squall.
Hopper
(Xes L.C.)
You see, dear, it was just this way,
I'm telling you straight and true;
He thought I'd stolen his bride of a day
And hidden her here in this harem queer.
Arif
(Comes down L. of HELEN, who is L.C.)
But you see it was only you.
Hopper
I - - -
(Enter HALIL, KATINKA, and DANCING GIRLS from
harem L. followed by NASHAN. HOPPER turns and sees
Katinka)
Where are they taking you to?
(KATINKA places finger to lips - silence. He
starts toward Boris, followed by GIRLS. HOPPER
goes to Helen)
Boris
(Taking stage R.C.)
Stop! Who are these girls, and where are they going?
Arif
They are Circassian Dancing Girls!
Knopf
I am taking them to my Cafe Turkish in Paris.
Boris
You are, are you? Well, they may go!
(Exit KATINKA and GIRLS R.U.E. NASHAN
starts to pass Boris, sees him, starts back
toward harem. Gains courage and follows
dancing girls off R.U.E.)
Helen
(L.C.)
'Tis the end, so farewell
'Tis the end, so good-bye
When we wake from this spell
We'll be strangers at last, you and I
(Exit SLAVES)
All the joys we have known
Will be withered and flown,
Like the leaves that die
'Neath a gray autumn sky.
(Enter KATINKA and DANCING GIRLS followed by NASHAN
across bridge up C from R)
Ivan
And hear an echo answer.
Chorus
Racketty Coo, and know that Rackey Coo means you.
(HELEN takes string of pearls from her neck, hands
them to Hopper, starts to hotel R. with KNOPF)
(SECOND PICTURE: HOPPER bus. with pearls)
CURTAIN
Second curtain--They exit.
Calls for the Company.
OPENING CHORUS
In Vienna, in Vienna, girls are brightest,
Their hearts are lightest,
Their eyes are ever fair!
When they smile their lips uncover pearls the whitest,
And their laughter rings like music ev'rywhere.
In Vienna, in Vienna, girls are sprightly,
They caper nightly,
In sweet, seductive swirls,
And they love it when you dare to hold them slightly tightly
For they are Vienna girls!
(Into "My Paradise".)
ACT III
Red flood lights.
KATINKA C.
LADIES and GENTLEMEN -- FLUNKIES - WAITERS - FLOWER GIRLS - MAIDS -
"MY PARADISE"
Your eyes that once gazed into mine,
Kindling sweet passion there,
Who 'neath their power divine,
Now bathes in their love-light rare?
Who feels the glow of your cheeks
Who hears the love-thoughts you speak?
With lips that once I pressed,
Dear lips, I once caressed!
I wonder!
REFRAIN
Oh, tender charms that were mine,
Who worships now at your shrine?
Who feels your heart-beats, pure as prayer?
Who feels the fire that slumbers there?
Ah, memories that still burn,
I love, yet try to spurn,
You are my cross on which I agonize
And yet, My Paradise!
Your hands that I clasped in mine own
Pressed like fair snow to my brow,
Fingers of fire I have known,
Ah, who feels their warm touch now?
Who feels the thrill of your arm,
So strong, yet so trembling and warm?
Who now upon your breast
Knows sweet Elysian rest?
I wonder!
(Katinka exits Arch R.E.)
(Enter KNOPF Arch L.E. Enter DANCER C.)
Knopf
The spirit of Youth!
(Dance and exit R.1.E)
Fine, fine!
(To Waiter)
Waiter!
(WAITER - PORTER of Act II)
Let nothing go wrong tonight. I'm expecting two famous
guests. The Russian Ambassador Boris Strogoff.
Waiter
I met him in Constantinople.
Knopf
And the beautiful American lady, whom all Europe is talking
about, Mrs. Hopper.
Waiter
Yes, her husband sold her to a Turk.
(Enter MRS. HOPPER from L. exit)
Knopf
(L.C)
Ah, Mrs. Hopper, how do you do?
Helen
(R.C.)
How do you do.
Knopf
I'm so sorry to hear about the trouble you've been having with
your husband.
Helen
Oh, that's nothing. I merely found out that the real road to
love was the rocky road to troublin'.
Girl
Helen if only before marriage there was some way of recognizing
one's soul mate.
Helen
Have you never watched an unhappily married couple trying to
dance?
Helen
You've missed something.
"I CAN TELL BY THE WAY THAT YOU DANCE, DEAR"
If you would know whom to marry,
Take my advice and be wary,
If you go blindly, you'll rue it.
Taboo it, don't do it!
Here is a rule that is surest,
Safest and sanest and purest,
Dance to this lay,
And see if you both can truly say.
REFRAIN
I can tell by the way that you dance, dear.
You have a thrill in your sway,
Love with eternal romance, dear,
All of your movements betray.
And you put all my mind in a trance, dear.
(EXIT STARTS)
Sort of a soul jubilee.
I can tell by the way that you dance, dear,
That you were meant for me.
(DANCE)
(All exit after dance)
(On encore all GIRLS exit. BOYS exit when Helen
chooses dancer. DANCER appears and Helen and he
dance. After Helen and Dancer encore, NASHAN and
KATINKA from R.2.E)
Nashan
(Katinka stands C.)
Ivan!
(She looks R. Bus.)
Nashan
Ivan!
(Looks L. Business.)
He was here a moment ago. Katinka, you look that way and I'll
look this.
(Nashan exits L.E.)
("Racketty Coo" music starts - Katinka runs R. and then
L. Answers "Tweet Tweet". It is taken up by IVAN off arch R.)
(IVAN enters - Katinka goes to him and they finish song
together.)
Ivan
(R.E. Off stage)
Racketty Coo, coo, coo, coo.
Katinka
Ah, how I wish that I could only say "Tweet, tweet," whenever I am blue.
(IVAN enters Arch R.)
Ivan
And hear an echo answer "Racketty Coo", coo, Racketty Coo,
And know that Racketty Coo means you.
(They kiss)
(Katinka goes L. to chair. Ivan goes up R. They
both come down stage together for Ivan's solo. Sits L. table)
"I WANT ALL THE WORLD TO KNOW"
Ivan
No one's near,
I am waiting alone, dear.
Come have no fear,
For the hour is our own, dear.
Moments of gold, we are wasting, Behold,
Come to me, come to me.
But let nobody dare to see.
Chorus
For no one must know the meaning,
Of our secret, sweet and true.
So I dare but whisper softly
What my heart would call to you,
So listen and you shall hear it,
Dear, I love you, love you so.
Our secret it is, yet somehow, dear,
I want all the world to know.
2.
Katinka
Feel my heart,
How its pulses are beating!
Somehow I start
At each shadow so fleeting.
Fear I've never known,
I but fear, that I own
The unrest, sweet unrest,
Of a love that is unexpressed.
(Repeat chorus)
(After encore, IVAN and KATINKA remain on stage C)
Katinka
Any news of Olga?
Ivan
Petrov wired me that he had left Constantinople with good news.
He's due here tonight.
Katinka
(L)
Every night I must sing here and every night I think I see the
eyes of Boris staring at me.
Ivan
(L.C.)
Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure.
(Enter NASHAN L. arch)
Nashan
Quick, someone is coming!
(Exits L.3.E.)
Hopper
(Enters C. from L.U.E.)
No, no, I'll tip any waiter!
Ivan
(L.C.)
Hopper, you're going to see her again!
Hopper
(L.U.)
Who, my wife?
Katinka
(L.C.)
Oh, Mr. Hopper.
Hopper
Not that I am not happy for you two, you understand.
I like you, both of you.
(To Katinka X C.)
You the most, but I love my wife.
Katinka
(L.)
Haven't you made up yet?
Hopper
Made up, I haven't even caught up.
Katinka
But Petrov will bring good news, I'm sure.
Ivan
(R.C.)
Yes, he left Constantinople with good news.
Hopper
Good news from Constantinople, it can't be done.
Ivan
Nevertheless he has learned that Olga is still alive.
Ivan
He doesn't know, but he has learned that she is somewhere here
in Vienna.
Hopper
(L.C.)
Good, if she's......
(Enter KNOPF L.)
Knopf
(L.C.)
Ah, Mr. Hopper, how do you do?
(Shakes hands)
Hopper
(R.C.)
Out of my way, you made me lose my wife you pretzel.
(X R.C.)
Knopf
Your wife isn't lost, she's here.
Knopf
(R.C.)
They call her the American Harem. The most talked of woman
in Vienna.
Hopper
(R.C.)
Stop! Don't mention Harem. Didn't they chase me out of one
of them. There's only one way you can square yourself with
me.
Hopper
Introduce me to my wife.
Knopf
She's here every night.
Knopf
(Dramatic)
He's never the same.
Hopper
(Grabs him by the shoulder - holds picture)
He never will be when I get through with him.
Knopf
In that case you'll have to fight an army.
(Enter BORIS, TATIANA from L.U.E. Xes stage R.)
Boris
It's such a beautiful place.
Tatiana
Oh, the whole place is charming.
Arif
Madam, you must not leave here until you hear that little
girl sing.
Tatiana
I shall be delighted.
(Exit Boris, Tatiana and Arif, Arch R.)
Katinka
(Up L.C.)
If I sing I'm lost.
Knopf
She must sing - as never yet.
(X R.C.)
Hopper
She must not tonight.
Knopf
But why, as a friend I ask you why? Double why?
Hopper
Boris doesn't like music.
Knopf
But what excuse will I offer, why she won't, can't sing?
Hopper
Say anything, say she's ill, say she's sick, say she's lost
her voice, but she must not sing tonight.
(Enter NASHAN L.3.E., goes to table L.C.)
Knopf
(Xes L.)
You want to ruin me?
Hopper
Come over here and let me talk to you in a language you understand.
(Takes him down R.)
Knopf
Dat's nice.
(Knopf looks at Ivan L.)
Hopper
How much will you sell me your showfor tonight?
Knopf
Chauffeur? I don't want to sell my Chauf---
Hopper
Show - show cabarete.
Knopf
Oh, show. We'll say a little something, ten thousand
kronens.
Hopper
That's thirteen dollars in our money. Hold up the desk.
(Knopf holds up Hopper's leg for him to write upon)
Now, remember, if she sings I cancel the check.
Knopf
(R.C.)
Yah, yah. Nashan, she must not sing tonight.
Nashan
(Up L.)
I understand.
(Gag)
(Exit Katinka, Nashan and Ivan, Arch L.)
SONG: "SKIDISKISCATCH"
Hopper
Pay to the order of - how do you spell your name?
Knopf
Make it to cash,
Wit a dash
To avoid a clash.
Hopper
Penned it so often my wrist is getting lame!
Knopf
You're doing good
You're a hero, that's understood.
Knopf
That is understood.
Hopper
Spelt with a zero?
Knopf
That is understood.
Knopf
Best of living men?
Hopper
Best of living men?
Knopf
You have proved it with your little fountain pen.
1000 korenens.
Hopper
(REFRAIN)
Skidiskiscatch!
With his little pen in hand,
Skidiskiscatch!
Pay to bearer on demand!
That's the sound they surely understand.
In every clime and ev'ry single land.
Skidiskiscatch! Skidiskiscatch!
When he signs out his banking name,
Hands it out to gent or dame!
Ah, the whole world dances to his composition, when,
In the check book that he totes,
He puts down his pretty notes,
With his little fountain pen.
(Rises)
(Hopper hands check to Knopf)
Notes with the dollar sign ne'er will be ignored.
Knopf
Yes, but of course,
You'll indorse!
(Showing where to sign)
That will give more force.
Hopper
(Signing the check)
By jove, the pen is more mighty than the sword!
Knopf
Yes, and some day
In my thanks you will get your pay!
Hopper
So I'll get your thanks, eh?
Knopf
Yes, without a doubt.
Hopper
Cashed at all the banks, eh?
Knopf
Yes, without a doubt.
Knopf
You will get it then --
Hopper
I will get it when?
Knopf
You bribe the teller with your little fountain pen.
(All enter)
Hopper and Knopf
(Refrain. Hopper and Knopf exit L.1.E. Enter Waiter and
Petrov, arch R. Dance)
Petrov
(Enters)
Waiter, are the Circassian dancing girls here now?
Waiter
They give a performance every evening.
Petrov
Thanks.
(Exit arch R.3.L.)
(ENTER BORIS, TATIANA, HELEN, arch R.U.E.)
Helen
I want to hear the little Circassian sing.
(ALL cross to table L. and sit. HOPPER enters arch L.
followed by Ivan, entering L. arch. Xes R.C. Waiter bus.)
Hopper
Ivan, we've got to break up that little tete-a-tete. If
she ever finds out my wife has never been in Russia,
"Gongadin", help us!
(ENTER KNOPF L.2.E)
Tatiana
I thought you said, Mrs. Hopper, that the Circassians were to
perform here this evening.
(KNOPF comes down C.)
Helen
I did expect it. Ah, Mr. Knopf Media the little Circassian,
she will sing for us.
Knopf
(L.)
Sing - I'm very sorry Madam, but she's ill.
(X L.C.)
Helen
Ill? Why only a moment ago I was talking to her.
Knopf
(L.C.)
Not that kind of illness, something has happened.
Hopper
(R.C.)
Check - check book.
Knopf
I'll prove by her chaperon she's ill.
(Ivan enters up R. Enter Arif Arch R.)
Arif, call Nashan.
(Exit Arif C. to L.)
I'm sorry to disappoint your Excellency.
(Exits L.3.E.)
Boris
(Rise)
Oh, it is just as well, I'm afraid I shall not care to hear
her.
Tatiana
Always there rings in his ears the song my daughter sang
to him on his wedding night.
Boris
How will I ever forget her?
Helen
You seem terribly cut up. Did she die?
Tatiana
No, she was abducted on her wedding night.
Helen
Abducted on her wedding night. Some girls are born lucky.
(Look up at Hopper. Business. Hopper leads
himself half way. Business. Hopper enters
immediately.)
Boris
If I ever lay my hands on the man who stole her from me.
(Ivan exits R.3.)
Helen
Whoever it is, I hope he suffers.
Hopper
I'm afraid she's going to get her hope.
Boris
We will join you later.
(Exit Boris and Tatiana Arch L.3.E.)
(Helen rises and bows to them)
Hopper
Helen! I just came in! Sweetheart! Alone at last. Helen!
My darling.
Helen
(She does not notice him but crosses R. to table.
Hopper follows her with his eyes)
This place if full of strangers.
(Enter Knopf L.)
Hopper
Get out of here. Waiter.
(Knopf fans him like a second in a ring)
Helen
Oh, don't mind him, he's only my husband. We're
semi-detached.
Knopf
You're semi-detached.
Hopper
If I'm semi-detached, you're skidiskiscatched. That's his
little game. I'll see my attorney.
Hopper
I'll get an attachment.
(Knopf laughs)
Laugh -- laugh! Life means nothing to you, there's not
enough of you. I want you to understand I love my wife.
Hopper
What!
(Takes Knopf by the neck)
Hopper
(Throws him off)
Who wants to love your wife.
Knopf
And do you really expect to get a divorce?
Helen
Why not. That's better than being locked up in a Harem,
isn't it? At that a Harem isn't such a bad idea for the
one who owns the Harem. As for me, if I ever do marry
again--I said if --
Hopper
Yes, if --
(Laughs)
Knopf
Yes, we heard you, if --
Hopper
Yes, 1 1/2 heard you.
Helen
You know if I do marry again, it will be to a male Quartette.
Knopf
She's going to marry a male quartette.
Helen
Think of the harmony we could live in.
Hopper
(Takes Knopf by the arm)
Take me to a singing teacher.
(They exit Arch L.)
"I WANT TO MARRY A MALE QUARTETTE"
Helen
They say a woman is a weather vane,
A fickle weather vane.
Helen
She's full of foolish whims you can't explain,
Whims that you can't explain.
Quartette
Cannot explain! Cannot explain!
Helen
She turns from North to South and East to West
North East to South and West.
Quartette
North East to South! South East to West.
Helen
To comfort her in all directions, it would seem 'twere best
If she could get,
A chance to net,
A male quartette.
Quartette
A male quartette!
Refrain
We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!
So sweetly
And so completely
In tune and on the key
We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!
In feeling,
To some appealing
Sweet melody.
We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!
In tempo
In some extempo,
Domestic minuet,
We'd harmonize, we'd harmonize, we'd harmonize!
Oh, I want to marry a male quartette.
Second Verse
Helen
I'd have a tenor who could entertain;
Oh, he could entertain
Helen
A business baritone for loss and gain
He'll watch our losses and gains.
Quartette
Losses and gains, losses and gains!
Helen
A base cantante just for sympathy,
He'll be for sympathy.
Quartette
Yes, he will be for sympathy.
Helen
And then a bass profundo
For profound philosophy
See, I will bet, it's great to fret,
A male quartette.
Quartette
A male quartette!
Refrain
(At finish of number all exit L.1.E.)
(Enter Helen, Boris, Tatiana, Arch L.1.E. Enter
Knopf L. He goes L. to meet Nashan who enters C)
Knopf
Ah here's Nashan. She'll explain everything. Why she won't --
can't sing.
(Enter Nashan C. coming down R.C.)
Helen
Ah Miss. I understand that a person named Hopper has bribed
Herr Knopf not to allow the little Circassian to sing. If
that is true, I will double Mr. Hopper's offer and you and
the little girl may divide it. Is she ill?
(Enter Hopper L. from L. down R.C.)
Helen
Then she will sing for us?
Knopf
Good night.
(Exit Nashan C. to L.U.E.)
Hopper
I'll make one more effort to save my wife. Ah Your
Excellency:
(He makes an extravagant bow to Boris. He falls)
Boris
(Coming C)
Ah my friend, I have not seen you since the embarrassing
moment in front of Izzet Pasha's Palace.
Hopper
Yes you haven't shaved since.
Tatiana
Ah Mr. Hopper I'm so glad you two have come to a better
understanding.
Hopper
You see I thought we had. But we haven't. You see she
wouldn't even allow me to explain. It was all a mistake.
(Enter waiter arch R.U.E.)
Helen
Remember I saw the check.
Hopper
But you were not the one I meant to hide.
Hopper
It was -- it was --
Boris
(Stamps foot)
Who was it?
Hopper
(Chokes)
It was -- it was -- it was all a mistake.
Tatiana
(To waiter)
Why, there is the man that was your porter at the hotel.
(Points to waiter)
Boris
Here waiter.
(Waiter comes down)
You were porter at the Hotel Reich some three weeks ago.
Boris
Do you remember the gentleman?
(Waiter looks at Hopper, he walks lame, fixes
handkerchief like beard)
Waiter
Yes he was the nervous groom.
Boris
(To Helen)
And this lady, was she his companion?
Waiter
Yes. She arrived later.
(Up R.C.)
Boris
But she did not arrive with him on the boat from Russia.
Helen
I never was in Russia all my life.
Tatiana
The woman who called for you on the night of Katinka's
wedding was not your wife.
Boris
The woman that boarded that steamer with you was my little
Katinka.
Hopper
Yes, it was a rough voyage.
Boris
Then you did steal my little Katinka?
Hopper
I didn't steal her. I just took her.
Boris
I demand you tell me where you have hidden here, where is
she.
Hopper
(Crosses to Boris)
I'll make a clean breast of this whole thing.
Ivan
(Enters R)
Thaddeus.
(Enter Arif L.)
(All enter)
Tatiana
Yes. I know quite well for whom he meant to steal her.
(Looks at Ivan)
Hopper
(To Arif)
You are dismissed from my service.
Arif
Then it was not she whom you wanted me hide?
Hopper
(Arif up R.C.)
You persian rug lay down.
Boris
Mr. Hopper, produce her within an hour or you shall give
me the satisfaction due one gentleman from another.
Hopper
It's a good thing he apologized.
Hopper
I'll show you what I mean.
(Starts for Boris. Knopf separates them.)
(Enter Katinka C.)
(Song. Katinka sings first line of the "Heart of Song")
(Boris takes off mask from Katinka)
Boris
Katinka. This woman is my runaway wife. She must come with
me.
Ivan
No! No!
(Katinka runs to him X R.C. He grasps her)
(Enter Petrov R)
Boris
By the ancient law, she must come to Russia with me her
lawful husband.
(Enter Nashan C. from L.)
(Enter Chorus)
Nashan
(L.C.)
Stop.
(CHORUS EXCLAIM)
I have kept silent for years. But rather than see this
little girl suffer as did your other wife, I speak.
(Nashan removes veil -- looks toward Petrov R.)
Ivan
My sweetheart.
(Katinka goes into his arms)
(Refrain "On My Heart I Am Wearing Your Photo" into Racketty Coo)
FINALE.
On my heart I am wearing your photo,
Because my heart, dear, is your heart in toto.
And so I hold you pressed Upon my longing breast.
But I'll give you this slight intimation;
Although your photo's a fair illustration
Of tender lips I have known,
And the love that's my own,
Still at best it's a chilly imitation;
I think you'd better hurry home.
Every night I hear her sing "Tweet tweet!"
In tones so soft and true,
Then hesitate until her mate
Says Rackety coo! Coo, coo, coo!
Then again she'll answer, "Tweet, tweet, tweet!"
Whenever I am blue,
And hear an echo answer!
Rackety coo, coo, rackety coo!
And know that Racky-coo means you!
CURTAIN